The Legend of Zelda: Cameos of Time
by DragonRaiderX9
Summary: OoT. Most of the important characters and bosses have been replaced with people from other games, movies, books, etc. Can Link keep his sanity long enough to survive? Ch. 25: The Infinite Shadow.
1. Spiral of Death and One Eye

Okay, my newest story. I hope you enjoy my randomness. I feel like torturing Link.

Floating Skull: This can be nothing compared to the unending torture I face by existing with you cretins. _Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_

Beast Boy: Chill out, dude! It's not that bad.

Ghetto Felix: Where little sosizzle be kokizzlin at?

What?

B.B.: He wants to know where Ivan's at.

You'll see. Enough of this nonsense. Time to begin.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_

**The Legend of Zelda: Cameos of Time**

**Kokiri Forest**

Young Link stumbled into his house and collapsed on his bed. He lay there for several minutes before Navi flew in.

Navi bore a worried expression. "What's wrong, Link?"

Link slowly sat up. "I just finished being in a brutal fanfiction." Navi motioned for him to continue. "Get this, I'm apparently married to Ruto, when I slowly realize I'm gay and start dating an older Mido. By the way, the fic was rated M, enough said." Navi faked vomiting out the window, a skill she's perfected over recent years. "Ya know, I've been in this business for over 20 years. 1985, they're casting auditions for the hero of The Legend of Zelda, and they tell me I'm perfect for the part. And it was great for few games. But it got a bit tiring after awhile. I didn't even get this house until Ocarina of Time in '98. I had to live in a trailer. Thanks, by the way."

"What for?" inquired Navi.

"For putting up with my ranting. I need to get stuff off my chest every once in awhile." Navi smiled sympathetically. "But here's the kicker. No one tells you that after the games are done and on the shelves, random people decide they can write and put you through every situation imaginable. I mean, some of them are good writers. But all I want is a nice long vacation."

"That's a crying shame," spoke a voice from the doorway. A young man, taller than young Link but shorter than adult Link, stood with an amused expression on his face. He had blonde hair, purple clothes and a green cloak. "I'm afraid a new fanfiction is just beginning."

Link sighed. "Well, what's the idea and who are you?"

"It's another rewriting of Ocarina of Time, and I, Ivan, from Golden Sun, shall be your guide."

Link got to his feet and glared. "I know this game like the back of my hand! I could do it blindfolded, which actually happened once! Why do I need a guide?"

Ivan grinned. "This story has a twist."

"Every story has a twist!" yelled Link. "What is it this time? Is Hyrule going to be constantly on fire? Do I have some sort of deep-seated issues that cause me to go crazy by the Forest Temple?" Ivan shook his head. "Well, thank Din for small favors. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go greet Saria. That's a part I still manage to enjoy!" He stormed outside to wait for his good friend call his name. He looked over his balcony and saw no one. "_That's funny, where is she?"_

"Friend Link!" shouted a voice from straight ahead. He looked up just in time to see a girl crash into him and embrace him with a fierce hug. She was dressed like Saria, but she was too tall, her hair was red, and her feminine features were more…pronounced. Also, Link didn't think Saria could fly, or give death grips.

"Ah," said Ivan, walking out onto the deck, Navi close behind. "I see you've met our Saria replacement."

"Replacement?" gasped Link, prying the girl off of him.

"Yes. You see, that's the gimmick. Most of the major characters have all been replaced with people from other games, movies, books, etc." Ivan turned to the girl. "Why don't you introduce yourself."

The girl nodded and faced Link. "Greetings, Friend Link. I am Starfire of Tameran. I come from the popular cartoon, Teen Titans."

Link just stared. He turned to Ivan, "So as long as you're here, what can you do?"

Ivan frowned. "As a Jupiter Adept, a wind user, I could normally summon hurricanes and thunderstorms. But in the interest of fairness, my powers are all but drained."

Link looked helplessly at Navi, who just shrugged. "Well, if that's the only twist, then I guess it won't be too bad. Might even be interesting. Whatever, time to find my sword and shield."

"I assumed you'd want them, so I decided to do you a favor." Ivan handed Link his Kokiri Sword and Deku Shield. "But don't expect me to be doing this a lot. I did this more for my own benefit."

"Right," replied Link cynically. Arming himself, he proceeded to the Great Deku Tree. Along the way, he noted that the other Kokiri were unchanged. When he mentioned this, Ivan simply replied that they were too unimportant. They didn't even have names. Link was fine with this, until he saw Mido's replacement. Obviously middle-aged, he had long blue hair that was braided into hook-like ponytails at either side. He was wearing Mido's clothes, without much success.

"Ok, that's it," steamed Link. "Why does no one realize that he's not a Kokiri?"

"All these other people are nameless NPCs," replied Ivan. "These in particular have about four or five sets of dialogue throughout this game."

"Whatever. So who is this guy?"

"He would be Seymour Guado from Final Fantasy X."

"Honestly, I'm glad I don't have to face Mido again right yet," sighed Link.

"How so?" asked Ivan.

"Never you mind!" growled Link. He silently motioned for Navi to keep her mouth shut. She nodded in conformation. Ivan shrugged as the trio crossed the pond.

Link stopped. "Hey, Navi, could you fly on ahead to the Great Deku Tree?"

Navi smiled. "Sure thing." She sped past Seymour without even attracting his attention.

"Why'd you have her do that?" asked a puzzled Ivan.

"You'll see," replied Link

Link approached Seymour hesitantly. Just because he had Mido's spot didn't mean it was safe. After all, wasn't Seymour a villain? Personally, Link had never made it past the Thunder Plains on that game. Without warning, Seymour spoke. "I see you have your sword and shield. Very well, you may pass."

Link was confused. "You're not gonna try to kill me?"

Seymour laughed. "It is not yet time for my plan. It is still in the early stages of preparation."

"So, what is your plan?"

Seymour stopped laughing but the sinister smile remained. "My plan is this: to destroy Hyrule, to heal Hyrule, I will become Sin. Only then can I escape my part in the spiral of death."

Link knew this boded poorly, but decided not to comment on it. He and Ivan proceeded onto the meadow to find the Great Deku Tree with his mouth already open. Seeing Ivan's confused expression, he explained. "The tree's programmed to start talking as soon as Navi appears. My presence is optional. We do this to save time. Though I'm glad to know the Great Deku Tree wasn't replaced."

"The author toyed with the idea," said Ivan. "but nothing was practical. Besides, the first dungeon has the words Deku Tree in it."

"If you two are through, can we get going?" asked Navi. Link nodded and followed her inside, Ivan close behind.

**Inside the Deku Tree**

"Uh, what's with the floating words?" asked Ivan.

"Get used to it, it happens all the time here," answered Navi.

"Well, let's get started," sighed Link.

The dungeon proceeded rather uneventfully. Ivan freaked when he first came face to face with a Big Skulltula, but other than that, it was business as usual. But Link noticed that something was strange as he entered the boss chamber, slingshot in hand. It was several times larger than it usually was. He couldn't even see the opposite wall, and he could barely make out the ceiling. He was about to start walking when the room shook. Link waited for a few seconds when it shook again.

"Footsteps, maybe?" suggested Navi.

"_Link!_" a voice boomed and echoed throughout the chamber. Link was shocked, he couldn't see anyone anywhere.

"Ivan," said Link accusingly. "What's going on?"

"Remember when I said that most of the important characters were replaced," said Ivan sheepishly.

"Yeah,"

"Well, that includes bosses."

Link groaned. "So who am I about to fight?"

"Have you ever seen the movie Hercules?"

"From Disney?"

"That's the one."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"_Where are you, mighty Link?_" roared the creature as it came out from behind a pillar.

Link almost had a heart attack. "You've got to be kidding me!"

**Mono-eyed Mega Titan  
CYCLOPS**

"_I have to fight the Cyclops!_" screamed Link. "How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

Ivan never got a chance to answer. The Cyclops started swinging his mighty arms, his huge single eye glowing. Each one of his mighty punches sent off violent shockwaves. It was all Link could do to keep his balance long enough to dodge. After what seemed like an eternity, Navi flew over.

"Link," she cried. "Ivan says the author tweaked this guy down enough so that you could beat it. He also says that there's a clue as to how somewhere on the Cyclops."

Link thanked Navi, having no time for his usual sarcasm. He cursed inwardly as the Cyclops continued the assault. "_Heh, I actually wish I was fighting Gohma. All I had to do was stun it by shooting it in the…Wait, that's it!_" He looked up as the Cyclops' huge eye. It glowed periodically to draw attention to it.

Aiming as best he could in the circumstances, he fired a Deku Seed at the eye, but it fell short halfway up his stomach. Cursing once more, he tried to jump so as to land on the Cyclops' arm, but found that he couldn't jump that high. The fist slammed into him and knocked him into the wall. Aching all over, he stood up while the familiar beeping started. That hit took two hearts of damage. One more attack and he'd be dead.

The Cyclops stood there for a moment and laughed. Ivan took this chance to run over to Link. "I know what you're doing and I can help! I need you to jump up into the air." Link stared at Ivan, then at the Cyclops who was drawing back to strike again. "Trust me!"

Link nodded and jumped into the air as the huge fist rushed towards him. He heard Ivan's voice. "Force!" After that, he felt something slam into his back, forcing him towards the face of the Cyclops. He narrowly missed getting hit again. Bracing himself, thrust his sword into the huge eye. The Cyclops roared and thrashed about, but Link held on for dear life. At last the Cyclops fell silent and crashed to the ground.

"Link!" cried Navi. "Are you okay?

It was silent for a moment, than Link appeared climbing over the beast's belly. When he reached the ground, he walked over to Ivan.

"Okay, two things," said Link calmly. "One, I hate your author."

"Funny," replied Ivan. "So does Floating Skull."

"Two," continued Link. "What was that thing you did?"

"Ah, that." Ivan smiled. "When the author drained my powers and assigned me some field work, I decided to borrow some Psynergy Stones from my friends." He held out a small red orb. "This is the Orb of Force. Observe, Force!" As he said it, a large ghostly hand shot out from him, slamming into a pillar.

Link was impressed. "Remind me to play Golden Sun when this fic's over. Anyway, let's go." He picked up the heart container and stepped into the light.

The three appeared in the Tree's meadow. The Great Deku Tree began his speech. Link and Navi zoned out, whilst Ivan hung on every word. He even cried as the bark turned black. When he finished, they left towards the forest only to be stopped by Seymour.

"It seems the Great Deku Tree is dead. I'm supposed to care, but I really don't. It's part of the spiral of death. Well, I'll be at my house plotting your destruction." He walked off without another word. Still refusing to comment, Link and co. continued to the bridge at the edge of the forest when they ran into Starfire.

"Oh Friend Link. You are going on a most dangerous mission, yes?" Link nodded without saying a word. "I offer you this to help you." She held out her hands to reveal the Fairy Ocarina.

"Thank you, Starfire," he said, taking the ocarina.

Starfire grabbed Link in another embrace. "Oh I will miss you, Friend Link." Link couldn't break out of this hold. He managed to squeak out the word 'help'.

Thinking fast, Ivan used one of his Psynergies that wasn't drained. "Whirlwind!" A small tornado appeared and knocked Starfire off Link and off of the bridge.

Link turned to thank Ivan when Starfire flew up over them. Her eyes glowed a bright green and so did her hands.

Ivan's eyes grew large. "Oh crap, starbolts! STARBOLTS!"

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

You know what I realized while writing this chapter?

Flt. Sk.: You have no talent as an author and should return to your puny mortal life?

No, not that. Navi is Ivan spelled backwards!

Ght. Felix: Fo'shizzle yo!

B.B.: I feel sorry for Link. I know what Starfire's hugs are like.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Now, this is a touch & go process. So if you have any good ideas for characters, let me know. 'Kay?

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_


	2. Rivalry and Trigger Happiness

Hello again. To my reviewers, thank you. Specifically, I need ideas for people dealing with Zora's Domain. But for now, the castle town.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_

**Hyrule Field**

Link and co. panted for breath outside the Kokiri Forest. "Whew! Thank goodness Kokiri can't leave the forest until the credits. There's no telling how bad Starfire could nuke us at this point."

"Why is that?" asked Ivan.

"Not sure," replied Link. "I'm never there. I always get sent back to my childhood."

"Some childhood," said Ivan cynically. "You're the same size of Mario."

In a flash, Link gripped Ivan by his shirt collar and glared daggers into his eyes. "Don't you dare say that name!"

"Mario?"

"Yes! Mario!" Link swore loudly. "He is my greatest rival!" Navi, obviously having heard this story before, sighed and busied herself with her PDA. "It all started in 1980… "

FLASHBACK

A man with spectacles looked over his desk at a younger man wearing jeans and a T-shirt that said 'Single, Wanna Mingle?' on it. "So, your name is…?"

"Um…Link, sir." He shifted his feet around nervously.

The man glanced at his two colleagues at either side. The woman to his left spoke next. "What are your talents?"

"Oh, I might not look like it, but I'm a superb swordsman." He picked up the sword that he had laid on the ground.

"So, why do want to be in 'Donkey Kong'?" asked the man on the far right.

Link smiled timidly. "Well, I've always wanted to be in games, and think this game could really help forward my career."

The man with spectacles whispered with his colleagues. Then, he looked at Link. "Well, you're the only one who showed up, so…"

"Um…excuse me?" said a voice with an Italian accent. "Are the auditions over?" Everyone turned towards a short man with overalls. "I'd like to audition."

"What are your talents?" asked the woman.

"Well, I'm not much for fighting, but I can jump." To prove his point, he leapt five feet in the air.

The man with spectacles stood up. "You're hired! Mr….?

"Mario," said the Italian man.

Link was astounded. "But, all he did was jump high!"

The man on the right smiled. "In 'Donkey Kong', all he'll be doing is jumping over barrels and jumping from ledge to ledge."

"You have a bright future ahead of you, Mr. Mario."

END FLASHBACK

"…And ever since, Mario and I have been rivals." Link swore again and threw Ivan to the ground. "I had wanted a chance to show my greatness in battle, it came in the form of Super Smash Bros. But the executives at Nintendo bummed me down. If I had all my weapons I'd never lose to that jerk."

"You know what I've learned from this?" asked Ivan.

"What?"

"Never wear T-shirts to a job interview," finished Ivan with a smug look.

"It was the only clean shirt I had!" yelled Link. "I was gonna go to the Laundromat, but it was closed for repairs!"

"Excuses, excuses."

"Why you little!"

"Are you two finished?" came a voice from above. The team looked up to find a robot sitting in the tree. He had small arms; short, stubby legs; and a huge head.

"Who's that?" asked Navi, putting her PDA away.

"That would be our replacement for Keapora Gaebora," replied Ivan. "Marvin the robot from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy."

"Oh, don't act all impressed," said Marvin cynically. "I already know you hate me."

Link was taken aback. "We don't hate you."

"Ha! Don't even try it. Everyone hates me. Which is just as well because I hate everything. Do you know why I'm here?"

"I'm guessing you're here to show us to Hyrule Castle," answered Link.

"You guess! We both know you've been through this game a hundred times. I serve no purpose here. You call that job satisfaction, cause I don't." By this point, he was talking more to himself than to Link. "Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to give directions to a guy who knows where he's going…"

Link and co. had slipped away while Marvin was babbling. The trip to the castle was rather silent. Ivan lost half his hair to a Peahat, but that's unimportant.

**Hyrule Castle Town**

Whilst Ivan searched for a wig, Link and Navi spent the rest of the day collecting Heart Pieces and a new Deku Seed Bag. It should be noted, that as Link was taking the puppy back to his master, Ivan reappeared suddenly, startling the dog, causing it to eat Navi. The retrieval process shall never be spoken of again.

**Hyrule Castle**

Tired, dirty, and covered in stomach acid (Navi anyways), the team set down to rest at the tree near the castle gates. After a couple of hours of sleep, Link was awakened by a yellow girl dressed like Malon. Her hair was very pointy.

"Excuse me, but are you heading for the castle?" asked the girl.

"Yeah," replied Link with a yawn. "Let me save us both some trouble. I'll find your father, just give me the cucco egg."

If the girl was surprised, she hid it well. "Ok, here you are." Link quickly pocketed the egg. The girl bowed and began to walk away.

She stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "By the way, what's your name?"

"I'm Link."

The girl smiled, "So you are the right person. Just checking. And just so you know, my name's Lisa Simpson," and with that, she walked away.

Link woke his friends and they got going. After bribing the guard at the gate, they nimbly avoided the rest of the guards. Of course, the guards weren't trying very hard. One was busy with his Game Boy Advance SP. On closer inspection, he was playing Zelda: Minish Cap. At the other side of the moat, they found a bald, fat man snoozing away.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Ivan. "Is that Homer Simpson?"

"Yeah," replied Link. "Cause that was his daughter that gave me this egg." He held out the egg for everyone to see, but was shocked to see that there was an extra face in the circle.

"Mmmmm…" drooled Homer. "Eggs." He took the egg from Link and ate the whole thing in one gulp. Without stopping to chat, he yawned and staggered off towards town.

"…That was weird," said Navi with a sigh.

The trio made their way through the castle until they made it to the courtyard. Link gasped as they saw the figure that was staring through the window.

"Zelda!" Link ran up the steps and had to restrain himself from taking her into an embrace. "After all the freaky people I've put up with, it's good to see a friendly face that's not a tree."

Zelda smiled. "It's good to see you, too. I've noticed the strange effects, but I was unsure how far it spread. I know that Impa's been replaced with a young man." As if on cue, the aforementioned young man stepped forward. He had silver hair, was about a head taller than young Link, and dressed in a masculine version of Impa's clothing.

Link and Navi turned to Ivan for an explanation. "The author needed someone dark for the Sage of Shadows…"

"What the hell!" interrupted the young man. "I gotta be a Sage, too? This job gets worse by the second."

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Ivan glared at the young man, but he gave no response. "He needed someone dark. And the only dark girls he could think of were Raven and Jynx from Teen Titans. But we've already done them. So without further adieu, may I introduce to you Jet Enduro, from Wild ARMs 3."

"And that's where I wish I had stayed!" Jet spat on the ground. "It wouldn't be that bad except everyone keeps making gender jokes at me just cuz' I replaced some pointy breasted woman." He took the gun he had slung at his side and shot a bullet into a window. Link was pleased to see it hit the painting of Mario wearing a Wing Cap. "The only good part is that I managed to convince that damn author to let me get paid."

After briefly wondering how he could accomplish the same feat, Link continued his conversation with Zelda. He explained the situation and why he was so annoyed. When he finished, Zelda asked why she hadn't been replaced.

"I had wondered that myself during the planning stages of this fic," replied Ivan. "You, Link, and Navi are all fundamentally important to the success of the Ocarina of Time story. Everyone else can be replaced without too many problems, but your wisdom is essential."

Zelda fell silent as she absorbed this new information. Link, however, had a shocking thought and raced to the window. Inside, he saw a cloaked man bowing before the king. Link couldn't get a good look at his face, but it obviously was not Ganondorf. The man turned his head to look at Link. His face was cloaked in shadow, but Link could see that he had silver hair, like Jet.

"Who is that?" Link asked, turning to Ivan.

Ivan shook his head. "I don't know. The author didn't tell me who the big baddie was. Wants it to be a surprise."

"Look, this is all very interesting and all," said Jet. "But I don't really care. So I'm teaching you the damn song and taking you out of here." He whistled out the all-too-familiar tune and Link repeated it on his ocarina. They then proceed to leave the courtyard where they ran into a guard.

"Hey look everyone! It's Miss Jet and her boyfriends! Ha ha ha!"

It's important to note that five guards suffered near-fatal gunshot wounds. When questioned later, Jet replied, "I had no idea the safety wasn't on."


	3. Tavern and Folksong

Hello again, my friends. I want you all to know that those who fail to review run the risk of having Floating Skull devour your soul.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has been kind so far, but Floating Skull will proceed to devour souls without hesitation.

G.F.: Know that the kizzlin ain't bizzlin!

B.B.: Ghetto Felix says that DRX9 isn't satanic. Floating Skull is evil of his own free will. He's not very good at it though.

Flt. Sk.: Silence, puny green mortal!

Enough already. Enjoy the chap.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_

**Hyrule Field**

"There!" Jet pointed to Death Mountain. "Go there and take this stupid letter with you." He handed Link the letter. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the shooting gallery." He walked back into town as Link and Navi started for the ranch.

"Hey, wait!" called Ivan. "Aren't we going to the mountain?"

Link and Navi shared a knowing glance. "We've got stuff to do first."

"Well, hurry up," replied Ivan. "The sun's setting."

As if on cue, a loud howl cut across the field. Link braced himself for battle, but was surprised when several grey men popped out of the ground.

"What the…!" exclaimed Link. "Those things aren't Stalchildren!"

"I believe they're Putty Patrollers," said Ivan calmly.

"They're what?"

"Putty Patrollers," repeated Ivan. "They were the foot soldiers for Rita Repulsa in the first season of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers."

Link sighed while Navi just stared in disbelief. "Power Rangers?" Ivan nodded. "You've gotta be kiddin' me!"

"Don't worry." Ivan smiled. "I know how to deal with this." He thrust his arms out in front of him. "It's morphing time! Dragon Zord!" The trio waited, but nothing happened. "…Okay, that was my plan. Your turn," he said, looking at Link.

Link swore and charged into battle. Ivan helped where he could. They weren't tough, but they came in groups of five and seemed endless. Link, knowing that he had to hold out 'til sunrise, slowly led the battle towards Lon Lon Ranch. After what seemed like an eternity, day finally broke. The trio stumbled into the ranch and collapsed on the ground.

**Lon Lon Ranch**

After sleeping for eleven hours, the team awoke completely refreshed. Ivan stared up into the sky and gasped. "The sun! It's exactly where it was when we went to sleep!"

"Of course," said Navi through a yawn. "Time doesn't pass while in towns, dungeons, etc."

While Ivan pondered this, Link went into the ranch to talk to Homer, who looked happy to see him. "How's it going, Link?" asked Homer from his spot on the floor.

"Hmm, not bad. So can I play the chicken finding game?" asked Link.

"Nah, then I'd have to get up. Just take the bottle." He held it out for Link to take.

"Hey, thanks," Link took the bottle, but recoiled instantly. "Man, this thing reeks of alcohol."

"Yeah, that'll happen." Homer laughed. "I got that from my barkeeper."

"Barkeeper?" asked a bewildered Link.

"Yeah. I was supposed to have a ranch hand, but we don't do any actual work here, so that author guy gave me a tavern to keep myself occupied."

Link shook his head and walked outside. Indeed, it seemed that across from the house was an unusual looking building sporting the word 'Moe's' over the door. He walked inside to find a homely looking stranger tending the bar. Sitting around it were several depressed and depressing looking people.

"Hey, no minors!" screamed the barkeep, presumably named Moe. Link was about to respond when the phone rang. Moe picked it up. "Moe's tavern. Uh huh. Yeah, just a sec," he put his hand over the speaker. "Amanda Huggenkiss! Hey everybody, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!"

"Well, maybe you should lower your standards!" shouted one of the drunkards amongst the roars of laughter.

"Wait a minute," muttered Moe. Turning back to the phone, he shouted, "If I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna gouge your eyes out with a wooden spoon!"

Without blinking, Link slowly backed out of the bar. Not uttering a word to his comrades, he learned Epona's Song, got the Heart Piece, and headed for the Lost Woods.

**Lost Woods**

"So tell me, why did you stop to play along with those Skull Kids?" asked Ivan.

"Simple, for this." Link held up a Heart Piece. "Combined with the other three I already have, it becomes a Heart Container." He demonstrated by combining the four together to raise his max Hearts. "And my new Heart goes great with this new Biggest Deku Seed Bag."

"Quit bragging, Link," muttered Navi.

"Yes, you're making my diodes hurt," said a voice from above. The team looked up to see Marvin sitting on a branch. "I know how you can get through the forest but you probably wouldn't listen."

"You're right," agreed Link. "We wouldn't." Leaving the depressed robot behind, Link led the way through the all-too-familiar path of the Lost Woods.

**Sacred Forest Meadow**

Disposing of the Wolfos and the Mad Shrubs, the trio approached Starfire, who seemed to have forgotten about her earlier rage.

"Friend Link!" exclaimed Starfire. "You have returned! This is most wonderful. I shall now perform for you a traditional Tameranian Folksong." She opened her mouth and let a ghastly wail escape her lips. It was all Link and co. could do just to protect their ears. When she was finished, Link was annoyed to see the staff with the notes appear in front of him. Slowly and painfully, Link copied the notes of the song. It was in this fashion that Link learned Starfire's Song.

**Lost Woods**

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" groaned Ivan as they left the meadow.

"I see you learned the song from the alien girl," murmured Marvin from his branch.

"Yeah, and I hate it!" snapped Link.

"Not as much as you hate me, though. Don't even try to deny it!" he snapped and Link opened his mouth. "I met a Skull Kid in the forest and tried to explain my view of the universe to him. And do you know what happened?" The trio shook their heads. "He bludgeoned himself to death with this!" he held out a Heart Piece. "I can't use it, so you might as well have it." He dropped it on the ground. "Don't thank me or anything."

Marvin used rocket jets to fly off as Link collected the Heart Piece. The Skull Kid corpse was later found and eaten by a Deku Shrub. No one cared.

That's it. Tune in next time.

Acoryst: I already have someone in mind for Darunia. But you can count on a Jack Sparrow appearance sometime.

Numdenu: I don't really know anything about Fire Emblem. All I know of Marth and Roy are from Super Smash Bros. Melee., but nothing about their personality.

Catch ya'll later.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_


	4. Let's Split up, Gang!

Greetings again. I'd like to thank my loyal fans. The reviews have been plentiful and enjoyable to read.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has only found two puny mortals worthy to have their souls devoured.

Really, that's creepin' me out. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next installment.

B.B.: It features great drama and a famous pair of brothers from nighttime TV.

Ght. Fx.: Gots the lil' sizzle bein' pokrizzled in the nizzle.

B.B.: He said Ivan gets thwacked in the head.

Stop giving away the story. They'll just have to read to find out.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_

**Kokiri Forest**

"Man, I'm beat," groaned Link as the trio stumbled into his house. "I haven't slept in a bed since this thing started."

Navi and Ivan nodded in agreement. Ivan sat at Link's table while Navi settled in on Link's shoulder. They sat there, discussing the world and their lot in life for hours. They felt no pressure for their journey, as time also did not pass in the Kokiri Forest. After a lengthy conversation on the properties of Alchemy (one of Ivan's favorite subjects), Ivan decided to ask Link what he had against Fanfictions.

Link sighed. "That's an interesting question. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention. It's nice to know that people love me enough to write tens of thousands of stories about me. It's just that have of the people don't have a clue how to write. It's not just grammatical stuff either, though having ten people talk during one paragraph gets confusing."

"I know how you feel," agreed Ivan. "Golden Sun has not escaped bad authors."

"But some of the plots! I've been paired with every girl under the sun. They'll mess up the rules so I could be with Saria. Most often I'm put with Zelda, but I've been put with Malon, Nabooru, Impa, and even Ruto."

"Isn't she the one who thinks you're her fiancée?"

"In the game, yes. But in real life, she's already married to a fish-guy from Lake Michigan. Anyway, they've all been good sports about it, especially Rachel."

"Who's Rachel?" asked Ivan.

"She's the girl who played Saria," answered Link.

"What's your real name?"

"Link. In the first game, the only 'named' character was Zelda. They managed to find a suitable actress named Zelda, but the rest were unimportant. The old lady Impa, the pig-man Ganon, and me."

Ivan sighed, "My real name's Jimmy. But don't tell anyone, I think Ivan's much cooler.

Link rolled his eyes. "Ya know, back to Rachel, at first she was annoyed that her character never aged above a child, but then she loved it."

"How's that?"

"Simple, they didn't need another actor to play an 'adult' Saria. So she got more screen time than the other bit players. More screen time equals more money in the bank."

"Yeah, back when we filmed _Golden Sun: The Lost Age_, I had to save my money carefully until they got to the Jupiter Lighthouse. Even now, we don't really have merchandise or commercials, so I have to work at Wendy's to pay the rent.

Link nodded in understanding. "Back before my debut, I was a busboy at IHOP. Not a bad place, but bussing tables gets really old really fast. Of course, it's not as bad as these fanfictions. Why does everyone think it's a good idea to make me a freakin' idiot. I didn't get into this business on swordsmanship and looks alone."

Ivan snorted at this last comment. "But how do you feel about this fanfiction?"

"It's just as bad as all the rest!" Link pounded his fist on the table. "It's the same monotonous game, only surrounded by cameos who serve no use whatsoever!"

Ivan's eyes flashed dangerously. "Are you including me in that sentiment?"

Link stared Ivan straight in the eye. "No offense, but yeah! The only thing you've done is help out with the Cyclops. And I only need help because I had three items, none of which were any use. By the time I get to the next boss, I'll be much better armed!"

"Link, be nice," injected Navi.

"Maybe if you had all your powers," continued Link, ignoring Navi. "And weren't such an irritating windbag you'd be of use. But I'd be better off with that trigger-happy Impa replacement. That thing looks like it'd be good in a fight, unlike your light breeze!"

Ivan closed his eyes, struggling to control his temper. "If that's how you feel, than maybe I should leave."

"Go on! I have a story to finish. Whether I like it or not!"

"As you wish." Ivan grabbed his things and stormed out the door, heading for Hyrule Field.

"Do you really think you should be alienating your allies, Link?" asked Navi.

Link snorted. "Some ally. Mark my words, Navi, we're better off by ourselves. I'm going to bed."

As Link threw himself onto his bed, Navi looked out the window to watch Ivan leave. She sighed and settled in for an uneasy sleep.

**Lake Hylia**

Ivan woke with a start. He yawned and looked around. "Now let's see, it was midday when I laid down, so it's not surprising that it's the middle of the night." He got up from his spot next to the lake lab. "Hm? What's that sound?" He walked over the bridge and looked at the back of the lab to discover the source of the noise. "Hey, a Gold Skulltula. Won't do me any good, but if I have it, that means Link can't get it. Let's see, what should I use? Let's stick with the Orb of Force. Force!"

Meanwhile, inside the lab, Dr. Wily was busy on his latest project. "At last, I've created an explosive that reacts to water. Megaman will never see it coming. Now I will finally defeat that do-gooder and rule the world! Kya ha ha ha ha ha!

"I don't know about that doc," replied Bass with doubt in his voice. "Even I have yet to defeat Megaman. Do you really think something as stupid as water-activated explosives will do the trick?" From his side, Treble yawned in agreement.

Wily was about to respond in a rage when a tremendous force rocked the building. Wily was knocked to the ground, while Bass stood there without much effort. However, both of them heard the splash, and turned to note that the water-activated bomb was missing.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Ivan nervously looked at the smoke that was protruding from the lab. "Ya know, I'm just going to assume that I had nothing to do with that. It would have exploded anyway. Now for that gold token." He removed the Catch Beads from his bag and held them in his hand. "Catch!" A large, ghostly hand shot out, wrapped itself around the token, and dragged it back to Ivan. "Ha! Take that Link! Hmm, wasn't there a Heart Piece in the fishing pond? I'll go check it out."

**Kakariko Village**

"See what I mean, Navi," said Link nonchalantly. "Only a short time without that midget, and we're already doing much better." Navi just shook her head in silence.

As they passed the tree near the entrance, they noted a young brown-haired man shouting out orders. "All right, you slackers! I want this building done yesterday, now get to it. You! Wheeler! Don't even think about giving me that look!"

"Hey, aren't you Seto Kaiba?" asked Navi.

Kaiba turned to face the two. "Yes I am, what of it?"

"Nothing, nothing," replied Navi hastily. She shooed Link along before he could say anything.

When they were a safe distance away, Link turned to Navi. "What was that all about?"

"That's Seto Kaiba, from the Yu-Gi-Oh! Series. He has a lot of influence, even in real life."

"So?" inquired Link.

"I just don't want to get on his bad side," said Navi. "With his connections, life could get really uncomfortable for us."

Link rolled his eyes. "Kaiba doesn't scare me. Hey, who do you think the four workers are?"

They turned towards the unfinished building to see who were unmistakably Yugi Moto, Joey Wheeler, Tea Gardner, and Tristan Taylor.

"Man, this is hard work!"

"That Kaiba just burns me up! One of these days!"

"Does Kaiba look at my butt while I'm not looking?"

"No offense, Tea, but if he weren't our overseer, he wouldn't look at us at all."

"Come on, I know that deep down inside, Kaiba's actually a good person."

"Oh yeah? Well maybe I'll invite him to my next birthday party. I'm sure he'd _love _to come."

"There's no need for sarcasm, Joey."

Link and Navi looked at one another, then moved on to the chicken coop. They were surprised to see that it was a proper chicken coop, and not just a fence. Tearing his eyes away, he noticed the chicken keeper.

"Well, so you're the replacement for the Cucco Lady," stated Link, as if daring to be corrected.

A man in thick armor looked down at him. "That's what they've told me. You must be Link."

Link nodded. "Who are you?"

If you could see his face, the man would have been smiling. "I'm Alphonse Elric. But you can call me Al."

"Okay Al, you look like the warrior type," said Link. "How did you get stuck with a role like chicken guy?"

"Gee, Link," said Navi slyly. "Too bad Ivan's not here to tell us."

Link flashed Navi a dirty look while Al answered the question. "The author likes Full Metal Alchemist, but his knowledge his fleeting. He was afraid that if he gave us active parts, he might lose the spirit of the show, and that would make our fans angry."

"I see."

"I don't mind, though. It's nice to just be able to relax and enjoy the scenery. Say, you guys might want this." Alphonse held out a glass bottle.

Link was confused. "Aren't we supposed to catch the chickens and bring them back here first?"

"What chickens?" asked Al. Link and Navi looked around and saw that there were no chickens wandering around town. "I didn't see any point in keeping them loose, so I built a real coop for these chickens. Or cuccos, I should call them."

"Well," said Link, impressed. "You took to this part well."

Alphonse laughed. "Which is more than could be said for my brother."

**Zora's River**

Ivan trekked upriver towards the falls. He had ignored Marvin's warning about the royal credentials, and used the Lift Gem to lift a boulder out of the way. Before long, he came across a blonde boy sitting by a large fence, blocking Ivan's path.

"Hey, you!" called the boy. "Are you Link?"

A scowl crossed Ivan's face. "Don't insult me. I'm nothing like that pompous jerk!"

"Well, you might as well turn back. Only he can meet with the Zoras"

"Damn it! That blasted robot was right!"

"Whatever," replied the boy. "Name's Edward Elric, the 'Full Metal' alchemist."

"Wow, how'd you get a title like that?" inquired Ivan.

Edward pulled back his right sleeve and his left pant leg to reveal a mechanical arm and leg. "Auto-mail. A lot more effective than prosthetic limbs, but hurts a hell of a lot more getting them on." He sighed. "As you can see, I'm a bean seller."

"Wow, you must be tough. Why are you in such a crappy role in this fic?" asked Ivan.

Edward swore. "I insulted the author and he stuck me here. Said he was going to put me and Alphonse as the boss of the Spirit Temple, but he found some other jerk to do the job, instead."

"Why'd you insult the author?"

"He called me short," answered Edward bitterly.

"Well, you are kinda shrimpish…"

KAPOW!

"Oooooooooooooow! What the hell did you do that for?" screamed Ivan.

"I AM NOT SHRIMPISH! I AM NOT SHORT! I just haven't hit my growth spurt yet."

Ivan continued to nurse his head. "Well, you could've used your left arm! Anyway, you're not that short. If it makes you feel better, I'm no taller than you are and I'm even older than you, if I'm not mistaken."

Edward stood straight up to judge Ivan's height. "You're right. Hey, I do feel better." He picked up the bag of beans next to him. "I'm only supposed to sell these to Link, but if you want 'em, they're free. I really don't care what the author thinks about it."

Ivan thought about it. "Will Link need them?"

"If he wants some good items, then yeah."

A wicked smile crept its way onto Ivan's face. "I'll take'em"

**Graveyard**

"Cor Blimey!" gasped the exhausted gravedigger after several tries. "You sure that Heart Piece's down here, guv?"

"Yeah, Yangus, we're sure, let's try again." Link sighed. He always hated this part. He had already obtained the Sun's Song and was exercising what little money he had left in his wallet.

"Got any more cash on ya's?" asked the burly Yangus.

Link opened his wallet to find it empty. "No, 'fraid not. You don't think you could give us one freebie, do ya?"

Yangus's exhaustion turned to a glare in an instant. "Eh, wot's that? You's thinkin' of rippin' me off?"

"No, I guess not." Link sighed again. "Say, Yangus, which game are you from again?"

Yangus's anger disappeared as quickly as it came. "I'm from Dragon Quest VIII. Funny thin' is, Dragon Quest used to rival Final Fantasy. But then Enix merged wi' Squaresoft. That's wot you call ironic." This time Yangus sighed. "I can't figure why I got stuck with this outfit. That bloke Marcello managed to get a good role, though I'm not sure wot it was. He's wasn't very spific on the details."

"Well, thanks anyway," replied Link. "Come on, Navi, let's go."

"I wish Ivan was still here," sighed Navi. "He told me about a Psynergy he has called Reveal. It's like your Lens of Truth. Maybe it could find the Heart Piece."

Link grunted and started towards Death Mountain. Navi sighed again, somehow she would patch things up between those two. She had a feeling that things were only going to get worse.

For the record, Yangus is supposed to talk like that. Yes, including the word 'spific', or specific, as the rest of us say it. Review or risk having your soul devour by the evil skull.

_Floating !_


	5. The Mountain Master's Dog

Only two new reviews? Not looking good. Floating Skull is out on a feeding frenzy.

B.B.: Luckily, no one's flamed us yet, so he hasn't gotten stronger. That would be totally not cool.

Ght. Flx.: Sizzlin' kizzle no like the frizzle!

B.B.: Ghetto Felix agrees with me.

Well, I hope this chapter will be enough to make you review, for your sake. Enjoy!

**Market**

Ivan sighed as he walked back into town. "5 rupees profit. 5 measly rupees. This better be worth it."

FLASHBACK

_"Hmm, this store looks interesting." Ivan walked through the door to find a dark-haired man in a purple outfit._

_"Welcome to O'aka's mask shop!"_

_"O'aka…right. You're the guy we used to replace the happy mask salesman. From Final Fantasy X"_

_O'aka smiled. "That's right. Waddya say you become my next salesman?"_

_Ivan thought about it. "What's in it for me?"_

_"Let's just say, if you sell them all, you'll get a lot of money and access to a really good item," said O'aka with a wink._

_"All right, I'll do it. What do I have to do?"_

_"Ah, there's the fun part. Ya gotta go around Hyrule and find the people who want to buy the masks."_

_"Ah, crap." Ivan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I knew I should have bought a player's guide to this game. I almost wish that Link were here. He'd know." He looked at O'aka. "You don't think that you could give me a hint, do ya?"_

_O'aka scratched his chin. "Well, I might be able to give ya something, for maybe say…a little incentive."_

_Ivan sighed. "I swiped a huge rupee from Link's House before I split. Will that do?"_

_"All righty then!" O'aka took the rupee. "A guard in Kakariko wants the Keaton Mask."_

_"Thanks. I'll be right back."_

END FLASHBACK

"These prizes better be worth it," muttered Ivan as he walked back to O'aka's.

**Death Mountain Trail**

Link and Navi trudged on up the mountain, fighting their way through the Red Tektites.

"Ya know, these guys never appear anywhere else in this game," said Link as he sliced one in half. "They have plenty of Blue Tektites everywhere, but no more red."

"Do you really care about those stupid Tektites?" exclaimed Navi.

Link shrugged. "Nah, just bored. They don't have these guys in Majora's Mask either. Tatl didn't believe they existed until she visited Hyrule and saw them." Navi snorted in disgust. "Oh, are you still on that thing about Tatl?"

"I just think they could have found a better partner for you than her," said Navi angrily. "Or I could've been your partner again, and they could've found a different reason for you to be in the Lost Woods. That Tatl is such a bitch!"

"Come on, there's no need for that kind of language," replied Link. "I admit, she was a bit overbearing, but she wasn't that bad."

"Overbearing!" screamed Navi. "She spent half of that game telling you how big a waste of time the whole thing was! She never really even respected you!"

"We respected each other in our own way. Besides, I seem to remember a certain blue fairy flying into my house and telling me how lazy I was," said Link with a sideways glance.

Navi was affronted. "I was having a bad day. And you know I'm not a morning fairy." She started to droop a little. "I'm starting to think you like Tatl better than me."

"What? No!" cried Link, waving his hands in front of him. "Navi, you know you're the only fairy for me."

"Really? Are you sure?"

Link sighed. Navi always did this when she was jealous of another fairy. "I'm so sure that I'm going to release the fairy I caught back in the village." Link brought out his bottle and popped it open, letting the little pink fairy fly free. "_I just know I'm going to regret that,_" thought Link, but Navi seemed mollified, so he didn't mind. "Come on, the city's just ahead."

**Goron City**

Jumping down, Link and Navi soon reached the door of the Goron Chief. Link instinctively played Zelda's Lullaby to open the door.

"Now remember Link, we don't know who's in there, so just stay calm," warned Navi.

Link nodded, and bravely walked through the darkness to find a fat guy standing there.

"Who dares enter the chamber of the great Goron Chief?" The man failed to notice Link covering his mouth in an attempt to conceal his laughter. But seeing this guy's lame attempt to be threatening made that quite a difficult task.

Before anyone could say anything, Navi flew forward. "Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! You…you're Peter Griffin from Family Guy aren't you?"

"Why yes…yes I am. And who might you be?" asked Peter.

When Navi voice failed her, Link stepped forward. "I am Link, and this is my fairy Navi. We've come seeking the Goron's Ruby."

"The Goron's Ruby, eh? I'm sorry but you can't have it, it's mine!" exclaimed Peter.

Link sighed and played Saria's Song, to which Peter danced most joyously. But when the song was over, he composed himself and replied, "Catchy tune, but you still can't have it. The Ruby pleases me."

"Psst, Link," whispered Navi in his ear. "Try your new song."

"What new song, I don't…Oh, no! I am not playing that!"

"Just do it, you wuss."

Grumbling to himself, Link brought the ocarina to his lips and played Starfire's Song.

"Aaaaaaaah, ah ah ah ah ah aaaaaaaaah!" Peter screamed as the horrid notes pierced his eardrums. He dropped to the ground clutching his ears, "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!" Link stopped playing and allowed Peter to stand back up. "I still can't give you the Ruby but you can have this Goron's Bracelet if you never play that again. And we can negotiate for the Ruby."

"Deal," agreed Link, taking the Bracelet. "Now, I don't have any money on me, but let's arrange a deal. We'll trade later."

"Alright, you can have the Ruby for 1000 rupees," said Peter.

"750."

"50 rupees,"

"Hell yeah, I can afford…"

"10,000 rupees!"

"But that's ten times your original price!" exclaimed Link.

"I'm sorry, he doesn't know how to haggle," said a white dog, walking through the door.

"Brian!" cried Navi, flying over to the dog.

"Navi the fairy, right?" asked Brian. "I'm a huge fan of your work. We intellectuals gotta stick together." Navi blushed.

Link walked over to Brian. "You talk."

"Yeah, and?"

"Why do you talk?"

"Ignore my partner," said Navi. "Now Brian, if we get rid of all the Dodongos in the Cavern, could we have the Ruby?"

"Well, yeah. That'd be great. Those Dodongos are being a real problem." Brian shook Navi's hand.

"Excuse me, I have not agreed to this. How dare you promise the Ruby without my consent," shouted Peter.

Brian sighed. Reaching into his wallet, he pulled out a twenty. "Here, why don't you go to Moe's for awhile?"

"Aw, sweet!" Grabbing the twenty he raced out the door. "Hey Quagmire! We're going to Moe's!" There came no response. "Quagmire? Quagmire! Well, screw him, then!"

Link shook his head and went outside.

**Death Mountain Trail**

"Well, let's get started." Equipping his new Bracelet, Link picked up the Bomb Flower and threw it down the cliff. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

After seeing the boulder blast to bits, Link turned to Navi. "Let's go!"

"Right behind you, Link!"

I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. First I lost motivation, then I got Wind Waker and I got obsessed with it. I promise, the next chapter will be really good. And a lot longer. Author's honor.


	6. Two Reunions and a Robot

Hello again. Floating Skull has returned from his feeding frenzy.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has devoured the souls of four readers who have not reviewed.

B.B.: Dude, it's not right to devour souls.

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle yo!

I honestly am not bothered by it. But if I get a lot of reviews, I'll make Floating Skull release the souls. hint hint

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull shall never release the souls he has devoured. They are the only thing that allows Floating Skull to survive with the puny mortal author and puny mortal muses.

Just for that, no pie tonight. Anyway, enjoy the chapter. You deserve it more than Floating Skull does.

P.S.: Numdenu, sorry, but don't count on appearances from other Zelda games. I feel it would defeat the purpose. And I'm afraid I don't know who Krystal is, to whoever wrote that. I've only played Star fox 64. I'm still looking for a good Ruto replacement. Keep sending ideas!

_Floating !_

**Dodongo's Cavern**

"Well, everything looks the same," noted Link as they entered the central room.

Despite his reassurances, Navi was worried. "Stay on you guard, you never know what's gonna happen." Link nodded and proceeded.

As he stopped to battle the Baby Dodongos in the next room, he couldn't help but notice the ledge with the Gold Skulltula. "Ya know," he said as the last Baby exploded. "I get tired of having to come back as an adult just to get that thing. I've got better stuff to do than deal with that."

"Focus, Link. Focus," warned Navi.

Link shrugged it off and proceeded to the mini-boss chamber, where the Lizalfos lie.

"Alright, now where are those…oomph!" cried Link as a power blow was sent to his gut. "What the hell…" he started as he collected himself, but another blow hit the back of his head, sending him to the ground. He stood back up quickly and the wheels in his brain started turning. "_This one's invisible. Or are there more than one?_"

His question was answered as something grabbed him from behind and another one punched him again in the gut. Link broke free from the grip and spun with his sword. It wasn't the Spin Attack, as he had not learned it, or magic yet. But it was effective. "_The way these guys move, I can't track them. That can only mean one thing…_"

"They're ninjas!" Link said aloud.

"Oh, I know who these guys are," said Navi. "They're on that new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon."

Link snorted. "I saw that a couple times, it wasn't as good as the original. I distinctly remember April O'Neal working as a TV reporter."

Navi sighed. "Focus, Link! They're called Stealth-Tech Ninjas. They have little devices that make them invisible."

"Well, we know what they are, but that doesn't help much."

Link tried to fight, but in the end he was just swinging his sword at random. Meanwhile, the ninjas continued landing blow after blow on Link. It seemed as if this would be his final battle.

"Reveal!" came a voice from the entrance. A bright flash filled the room. When it cleared, the room had drained of all color. The ninjas were now visible, there were three of them, and standing at the door was…

"Ivan!" shouted Link and Navi simultaneously.

"Don't just stand there, ya slacker, finish 'em!" replied Ivan.

Taking Ivan's words to heart, Link turned to his opponents and readied his blade. With a skill matched by very few, the ninjas were soon defeated.

Sighing in relieve, Link turned to face his estranged friend. "Sorry about…what I said before."

"It's cool," replied Ivan.

"No, it's not. I let the stress of these fanfictions catch up with me and I took it out on you."

"Seriously, it's alright," said Ivan. "I know what it's like to be roped into these fics."

"Don't we all," said Link, and they both started laughing, only to be interrupted by a loud sob. They stopped and looked at Navi who had broken out into a hysterical fit of tears.

"Navi, what's wrong?" asked Link.

"What do you two have to complain about?" wailed Navi. "So you're written into a few stories, at least people still like you. Link, your fans number in the hundred of thousands!"

"Well…" started Link, but he couldn't think of a good way to finish.

"And Ivan, you might not be as popular, but I've been to the Golden Sun part of this site. You have a forum dedicated to you!"

"This is true," admitted Ivan.

"But what about me? Who do I have? No one! Everyone hates me!"

"Navi, everyone does not hate you," said Link.

"Just about! Every story I'm in, they just make fun of me and call me an annoying, overbearing bitch! I can't help my voice! I can't help the lines I was given! Yeah, I say 'Hey' and 'Listen' a lot, but I had no say in it. And it's not as if I'm useless! If it had been awhile since someone had played the game, then I could help show them the way. Why does everyone resent me so?"

Navi continued on like this as Link patted her softly on what he thought was her head. After awhile, Navi began to calm down.

"By the way, Link," said Ivan.

"Yeah?"

"I've brought a peace offering, in case you were still mad," he reached into his pockets. "Here, a Gold Skulltula token from Lake Hylia, a token from the other room in here, and a Heart Piece(3rd) from the Fishing Pond."

"Thank you," replied Link.

"By the way, do you know who wants the Bunny Hood, 'cause I can't find anyone who wants it."

"There's a guy on Hyrule field who wants it, but he won't appear until we beat Inside Jabu Jabu's Belly."

"Ah," said Ivan.

Thus, the newly reunited trio continued. They picked up the map, the compass, and even that Gold Skulltula that Link needs the boomerang for, thanks to Ivan's Catch Psynergy.

Eventually, they found themselves in the same room where they fought the ninjas, only they were on the second floor, on top of the lavafall where several more platforms were laid out. Standing in the center of these platforms were a red-haired man, a one-eyed woman with purple hair, and a robot. All of which were wearing strange outfits, tights, and masks.

"Halt, Link!" said the woman. "We cannot allow you to go any further!"

"Who are these guys?" asked Navi.

"They're Fry, Leela, and Bender from Futurama," replied Ivan. "Though don't ask about the tights."

"Who are you calling Bender?" exclaimed the robot. "I'm Super King!"

"I'm Captain Yesterday," cried Fry.

"And I'm Clobberella!" finished Leela.

Link groaned. "I saw this episode. Zoidberg bought some miracle cream from a gypsy. Fry and Leela tried some and they got superpowers."

"What about Bender?" asked Navi.

"He just put on a mask, a crown, and some royal robes."

Ignoring the interruption, Clobberella continued. "And together, we are The New Justice Team!"

_Go, go, go New Justice Team  
Go team, go team, team team team  
Who's that newest Justice Team  
The New Justice Team_

_Captain Yesterday is fast  
Also he is from the past  
Not just fast but from the past  
Captain Yesterday!_

_Super King has all the powers of a King  
Plus all the power of Superman,  
Also he's a robot ain't it cool?  
Super King you rule!_

_Clobberella beats you up  
Clobberella beats you up  
Who does she beat up? You!  
Clobberella!_

_Citizens, never fear  
Crazy do-good freaks are here  
Until they run out of steam...  
Miracle cream, miracle cream_

_Gives the power to the team  
Its effects wear off for sure  
So they just slop on some more  
The New Justice Team!_

"Ack!" groaned Ivan. "If there's one thing I can't stand it's a cheesy theme song. Link, do something!"

"Alright, alright," said Link, assuming his battle pose. "Ivan, you take Captain Yesterday. Navi, you take Super King. I'll take Clobberella. Go!"

"You'll never take me, shorty! Ha ha ha ha!" laughed Captain Yesterday. Before Ivan could respond, Captain Yesterday began running around him in a clockwise circle.

"_How will I get out of this one?_" thought Ivan has the red haired blur surrounded him.

"Alright, Super King, take this!" cried Navi as she threw herself against Super King's body. But to no avail, he was unfazed by the tackle.

"You know what your problem is?" asked Super King. "You're like the humans. So inferior to us robots!"

A loud crash sounded as Clobberella's punch missed Link and hit the ground. "You're only postponing the inevitable, Link!"

Link remained silent, he really wasn't in the mood to banter with these people. His Deku Seeds proved useless, and she was too strong for close range. If only he was better armed.

Meanwhile, Captain Yesterday's cyclone was starting to suck the oxygen away from Ivan. "_How can he run that fast without screwing up? Wait, he can handle his own speed, but even he's bound to have his limit. It's time to use the Cyclone Chip I borrowed from Sheba._" Without a second thought, Ivan shouted, "Cyclone!" A clockwise cyclone emanated from him.

"What are you doing, shrimp?" jeered Captain Yesterday. "You're only making me run faster. Watch this! Wait, whoa!" he cried as he lost control of his speed and ran off the edge into the floor below. A loud sizzling sound could be heard. Ivan took a deep breath.

"Come on!" cried Navi. "You've got to have a weak point!"

"Hahahahaha! Robots don't have weak points," exclaimed Super King between laughs. "So you can bite my shiny metal ass!"

_Clang!_

"Owwwwwwww! She bit my shiny metal ass!" Super King cried out in pain as he ran like crazy, trying to get the annoyed fairy off of his posterior.

"_She's just too strong, this might just be the end._" Link was pretty exhausted. He had dodged all the punches, but had failed to land any on his own.

"Damn it, Link! Hold still, I have poor depth perception," yelled an annoyed Clobberella.

"_Of course, her eye is her weak point. I only there was a way to…Duh, Link! Duh!_" Link threw down a Deku Nut, blinding Clobberella. As she staggered around blindly, she crashed into Super King, knocking them both off the edge into the floor below. More sizzling could be heard.

"Wow, all things considered, that was pretty easy," gasped Link.

As Ivan and Navi went back over to Link, they heard Clobberella's voice ring out, "You haven't seen the last of The New Justice Team!"

_Go, go, go New Justice Team  
Fighting justice is their quest  
Super King, Clobberella  
And all the rest_

_Here's to you new Justice Team  
Do the things that make a team  
Help each other do some things  
Winners don't use drugs!_

_The New Justice Team!_

"So…" started Link.

"We never see them again," finished Ivan. "Unless of course there's a change in the line-up. After all, the Elric brothers were supposed to be the boss of the Spirit Temple."

This confirmed, Link and co. resumed their trek, acquiring the Bomb Bag on the way. Nothing of note happened until they reached the boss chamber. Landing safely in his chamber, Link looked up to see a familiar face.

"You…" growled Link.

"Yes, me," sneered his opponent. "So we finally meet outside the Super Smash Bros. Arena? Don't think I'll go easy on you!"

"You don't have to," replied Link. "This'll be a snap."

**King of the Koopas**  
**BOWSER**

Bowser inhaled his breath and fired out a huge breath of fire. Link and Ivan quickly dodged to the adjacent side of the lava pool.

"Whoa!" gasped Navi. "He's kinda like King Dodongo."

"Yeah," agreed Link. "Except Dodongo's a blowtorch and this guy's a flamethrower!"

Bowser pointed his mouth upwards and exhaled. Small fireballs rained down to the ground. Upon contact, some of them began chasing Link. Link used his honed reflexes to avoid them, but this would only last for a matter of time.

"None of the items I have will help," muttered Link. "I'll have to use one of the abilities I learned off-set."

"You're not even trying to stick to any scripts here, are you?" asked Navi.

"Like I care about this story!" replied Link. "Ivan, can you make water?"

"Normally, no," said Ivan. "But I borrowed the Douse Drop from Mia. What's my target?"

"My sword!"

"Douse!" called Ivan. A small cloud appeared over Link and began raining on the sword.

Link focused his energy onto his sword, and infused it with the power of water. Running towards the Koopa King, he used the water sword to slash through every fireball Bowser sent his way. Within seconds, Link had his sword pointed at Bowser's throat.

"Not bad," sneered Bowser. "But I'm not done yet!" With speed belied by his bulk he knocked Link's sword out of the way and knocked Link to the ground. Bowser then leapt into the air to perform his pound attack. Link quickly rolled out of the way, cursing as he felt the water slip from his sword.

Getting to his feet, Link saw Bowser leap again. Link roll attacked towards him as he jumped, causing Bowser to miss again. Standing where Bowser first pounded, Link dodged a third pound. But this time Bowser crashed through the ground, creating a hole that conformed to his body.

Bowser struggled to free himself, but to no avail. "No matter, I can still breathe fire!" And to illustrate his point, he started inhaling again.

"Ivan, now!" shouted Link.

"Douse!" Ivan had closed in while Bowser was focused on Link. His cloud formed above Bowser, raining into his mouth and quenching his internal fire.

"Fungah!" screamed Bowser. "Foiled again! Very well Link, you win this round. But just wait until Super Smash Bros. Brawl!" and with that, he disappeared in a flash of light, leaving a Heart Container behind.

"How'd you know he crash through the floor?" asked Ivan.

Link laughed. "That's how you beat him in Super Mario Bros. 3."

"But you hate Mario!"

"Yes," replied Link. "That's why I study all his games, so I can learn all his moves. It's an old proverb, 'Know yourself, know your enemy, and you hold the key to victory in your hand'."

Link, still smiling over his victory, walked into the blue light, followed closely by Navi and Ivan.

I told you it would be longer. So, has anyone though of a good Ruto. I'm open to suggestions. I'll need it by three chapters from now.

Flt. Sk.: Mortal author is lazy for not having thought this out by now.

B.B.: Oh, Oh, I know! Use Raven!

No, I'm not using Raven.

Ght. Flx.: True dat!

Anyway, please review! Remember, Floating Skull is watching you!

_Floating !_


	7. The InBetween

Ruto has been decided! Thanks to you wonderful people, I've finally chosen someone. But I still need ideas for the following people:

Zora's Domain:  
King Zora 

Water Temple:  
Morpha

Spirit Temple:  
The four sword-wielding Gerudo  
The Gerudo who gives you the pass  
The second IronKnuckle

Also, in previous chapters, I gave the impression that Marcello would be the boss of the Spirit Temple. I've decided against this, but no, neither Elric brother will be put back there. I also don't plan on recasting any current characters. I know that Numdenu desperately wants to see the Elrics in action, so don't worry. After all, the bean seller isn't there in the future, and Ed has to do something. You'll like it, trust me.

That aside, enjoy this short chapter. I'm sorry, this is mostly for filler.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Death Mountain Trail**

Link and co. arrived in a flash of light at the entrance to Dodongo's Cavern to find Brian waiting for them.

"Yeah, sorry Peter couldn't be here," said the dog, ashamed of his master. "He hasn't managed to find his way back since he and the guys left for Moe's."

"That's alright," replied Link. "That guy annoyed me anyway."

"Well, here's the Goron's Ruby," said Brian, handing over the stone to Link. "Now I gotta get back to the city before anyone notices that no one's running the place. Bye."

Brian walked off towards Goron City. After taking a few minutes to catch their breath, the trio began their trek towards the summit of Death Mountain. Unfortunately, Ivan got KO'ed by the falling rocks and had to be carried up the mountain. It might interest you to note that Navi was the one carrying him.

Link and Navi panted as they reached the top of the wall. "Man, that part always tires me out," gasped Link.

"Tires you out?!" screeched Navi. "I'm the one giving a lift to the guy 100 times my own body weight!"

"100 times?" asked Link. "Navi, have you gained weight?"

Navi's horrendous blood frenzy against Link was soon interrupted by Marvin. "If you two are finished, you might want to help your friend over there. Not that I care. But the sooner you finish your quest, the less I have to suffer this embarrassing role. And you'll do it a lot faster without that dead weight."

Without further prodding, Link composed himself (and his bloody face) walked inside.

**Great Fairy's Fountain**

Placing Ivan near the fountain, Link played Zelda's Lullaby. Then, in a flash of blinding light, a black monkey rose from the fountain.

"A monkey?" inquired Navi. "A monkey!"

"A bionic monkey, actually," replied the monkey in a calm manner. "I welcome you to my fountain. I am Antauri."

"Oh, no," muttered Link. "He's one of those guys off Monkey Robot Super Force HyperTeam Go! Or is it Robot Force Super Monkeys…"

"It's Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!" interrupted Antauri. "Now, if you have no objections, I shall heal your team and teach you a new spin attack." Link remained silent as Antauri did his work. Needless to say, Ivan was revived. "Go now, and seek a friend of mine near the castle."

**Death Mountain Trail**

After taking a detour into the crater to snag a Gold Skulltula, the three prepared to leave for the village. However, Link soon noticed something wrong. In a rage, he shrieked "YOU MISERABLE BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Marvin was nowhere to be seen.

**Kakariko Village**

After a day's hike down the mountain, which was interrupted as Link stopped by Goron City to get the Big Bomb Bag, the trio entered the village right before dusk. Link walked over to the chicken coop and stared mournfully up at the hole in the wall. "I guess I'll have to wait 'til I have the Longshot to get there."

"What, up there?" asked Alphonse, coming up behind team. "I can help with that." Taking a small marker out from a compartment on his armor, Al walked over to the mountain wall adjacent to the chicken coop. He drew a strange circle on it, then put both hands against it. He stepped back quickly as a staircase emerged from the wall, leading up to the hole in the house.

Link gaped at Al. "How did you do that?!"

"It's pretty basic alchemy," replied Al in a sheepish voice.

"If that's basic, I'd love to see advanced!" was Link's response. He rushed inside to retrieve the Heart Piece(4th).

_Link's Health  
_xxxxxxx 

As he did this, Ivan went to talk with Al. "You're Ed's little brother, right?" Al nodded. "Just checking, there are so many cameos here, you lose track of who's who." Ivan sighed. "Ya know, I can't believe you're a year younger than Ed, you're like twice his size. How'd you get so tall?"

"Oh, just got a lot of vitamins as a kid, I guess," responded Al nervously. Ivan was suspicious, but decided no to push it.

As night fell, the team used Ivan's Reveal to find the Heart Piece(1st) hidden in the graveyard. Link then collected the Heart Piece(2nd) hidden beneath a grave that he had totally forgotten about earlier. After disposing of the ReDead, Link used the Sun's Song to make the treasure chest with the Piece appear. Lastly, they stopped by the House of Skulltula to acquire the Stone of Agony.

**Great Fairy's Fountain**

After returning to the Market, Link and co. went to the Bombchu bowling alley. There they acquired a Heart Piece(3rd), the Biggest Bomb Bag, and 20 Bombchu. Now they were visiting Antauri's friend, which turned out to be a red monkey.

"Hey, how's it goin?" asked the monkey. "I'm SPRX-77, but you can call me Sparks."

"Why are you here?" asked Link.

"To hand out candy, why do you think I'm here?"

"It's just that Nova's more closely related to fire, so why are you at this fountain?" asked Link again.

"…"

Link waited for a response.

"…"

"Well?"

"I'm the red monkey," said Sparks at long last. "That's why. Fire's red."

"You know," injected Ivan. "Most flames have some yellow in them."

"Just shut up and take Din's Fire already!" shouted Sparks, throwing the spell down at them. Link picked it up with a smile.

"I love this spell."

-

Once again, sorry. This is the worthless stuff that no one wants to read about, but it has to be said. Even my muses are asleep.

B.B.: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ght. Flx.: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Flt. Sk: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzconsumezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The next chapter will be slightly more interesting, I promise.

Bye for now.


	8. The Hydro Fat Man

Wow…so many reviews for a filler chapter. I'm touched, I really am.

B.B.: Dude, you reviewers rock!

Flt. Sk: Floating Skull is saddened, too many of you puny mortals have reviewed. Floating Skull has been unable to devour any souls lately because of it.

Ght. Flx.: Dragon's got a sizzle to kizzle!

B.B.: He says that DRX9's got something to clear up.

Yes. You see, in the last chapter, I incorrectly stated that Link had 8 Hearts. This is false, he only has 7. The three he started with, two from bosses, and two from Heart Pieces. I have since edited the chapter to reflect this.

One other thing, in my list of characters I need replacements for, I forgot to mention the Big Octo in Jabu-Jabu's Belly.

That said, please enjoy.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Hyrule Field **

Link and the trio were walking out of the gate when they ran into Peter Griffin, seemingly drunk.

"You okay?" asked Navi.

"Hey, it's the green boy who saved the food. Howzit goin' on you guys?" asked Peter in a drawn out voice.

"Uhhh…fine, I guess." Link had never been one for drunks. Even at parties, he limits himself to one drink.

"What was your name again?" asked Peter.

"Link," replied the Hero of Time.

"Stewie? That's a wonderful name!" cried Peter.

"Um…I didn't say Stewie. I said Link."

"You know what…know what I'm gonna…I'm gonna do? I'm gonna name my son Stewie someday. Just you wait and pee…wait and see…" and with that, Peter stumbled away, towards Death Mountain.

The team looked towards each other, then shrugged and walked on towards the river.

**Zora's River**

"Hey, Ivan, how've you been?" called Edward Elric from his seat by the fence.

"Who's that?" asked Navi, looking at Ivan.

"That's the older Elric brother," replied Ivan.

"Older?" mused Link. "But he's so much short…AAARGH!" he cried as Ed's fist hit his head.

"I AM NOT SHORT! I JUST HAVEN'T HIT MY GROWTH SPURT YET!" screeched Ed, eyes fuming.

"Owwwww, sorry okay?"

"You better be! Next time I'll use my right fist!" Ed drew back his sleeve to reveal a mechanical arm.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Navi. "That's not a normal fake limb!"

"Auto-mail," explained Ed. "My left leg's just like it."

"How'd you get them?" asked Link, recovering from the blow.

Ed frowned. "Let's just say you should never break the laws of nature."

"But Full-Metal Alchemist is just a show," countered Link. "In real life, you have your real limbs, right?"

Ed shook his head. "Video games and movies are just people acting. Animes are based on something that actually happened somewhere."

"All of them?" asked Ivan, to whom this was clearly news.

"Well, not Pokemon; that was based on a game." Ed yawned. "But enough of that. This job's gettin' to be a real bore. Hurry up and finish will you?"

"I'm trying, I'm trying," protested Link. "But it's not exactly a hop, skip and a jump."

The trio said their good-byes to Ed and continued upriver. Along the way, Link collected the Heart Piece(4th) sitting on top a pillar midway through the river.

_Link's Health  
_xxxxxxxx 

Also, he collected the Heart Piece(1st) near the entrance to Zora's Domain.

**Zora's Domain**

"So where do Zoras come from anyway?" asked Ivan.

"Most of them live deep in the Atlantic Ocean," answered Link. "But you'll find small tribes in other oceans, barring the Arctic, and in some large lakes."

"You mean like Ruto's boyfriend from Lake Michigan?" inquired Ivan, citing their conversation in Chapter 4.

"Exactly."

Wasting no time, Link collected the Silver Scale and the Heart Piece(2nd) under the waterfall.

**Lake Hylia**

"Hey, why doesn't Ivan need the Scale?" demanded Navi, outraged that the young Adept could cheat the rules.

"He's not a character in this game, so he's not affected by the natural limiters." Link sighed. "I'm just glad the authors of these stories let me jump at will. That makes all the fights a lot easier."

Link dived into the lake to retrieve the bottle hidden there.

_To whomever finds this,_

_I am acting as the Princess of the Zoras._

_For some unknown reason, the big fish swallowed me whole._

_Please don't tell the acting king. I think he wants to eat me._

The note was signed, but Link's wet fingers had swept over it, blurring the ink.

"So we have to get past the King without telling him about this? How?" asked Navi.

"Leave that to me," said Ivan, smirking. "I remember who was cast for this spot, and I know how to deal with him."

"Well, alright," agreed Link. They were about to leave the area when something occurred to Link. "Ivan, you said you got the Heart Piece at the Fishing Pond, right?"

"Right."

"Alright, everyone follow me. Right outside Lake Hylia in Hyrule Field, there's a hidden grotto. A Business Shrub will sell us one for ten rupees."

Heeding Link's words, they collected the aforementioned Heart Piece(3rd) from Hyrule Field. They also obtained the Heart Piece(4th) from Gerudo Valley by using the cucco to fly down to a crate in the gorge. Lastly, they got the Heart Piece(1st) from behind the highest waterfall.

_Link's Health  
_xxxxxxxxx

**Zora's Domain **

After getting several hours of sleep, the newly refreshed heroes traveled to the throne room to discover a disgruntled Scotsmen.

"Hey! What are you doing here?! Do you know who I am?! I'm Fat Bastard! I ate a baby!" He said all of this in a very loud and demanding voice. "I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back…ribs. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back…ribs. Chili's…baby back ribs!"

While Link and Navi remained speechless, Ivan calmly informed Fat Bastard that one of the Zoras had spent too much time in the sun outside the Domain, and was roasting as they spoke. Fat Bastard wobbled outside, the earth shaking as he walked.

**Great Fairy's Fountain**

"Hi, I'm Otto!" greeted the green monkey. "Now I was supposed to give you something, what was it?"

"Farore's Wind?" suggested Link.

"Yeah, that's it!" cried Otto. "But instead, how about I give you this little gadget I just whipped up? It will teleport you anywhere in Hyrule in an instant! Of course, you might lose a arm or two in the process, but it's worth the risk."

"No thanks," said Link, grimacing. "I'll just take the wind."

**Zora's Fountain**

"So where's the next dungeon?" asked Ivan as they climbed the altar.

Link and Navi exchanged a knowing smirk. "You're looking at it."

"THE FISH!!!!?" cried Ivan. He tried to run but Navi caught him by the collar. Link released the fish from his bottle, prompting Jabu-Jabu to swallow them whole.

-

Okay, I'm almost positive that this will be the last boring chapter. The rest, especially as Adult Link, will be very interesting. Thanks to the people who suggested Fat Bastard. I thought about Cartmen, like that one guy said, but he's not as funny unless you can hear his voice.

Remember, I need a Big Octo. Thanks, and see you next time.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	9. Belly Of The Beast, Er, Fish

These reviews are awesome! To Lostinhyrule…thanks, I'll look into to it.

Anyway, multiple people have suggested Chaos from Sonic Adventure as Morpha. Sorry, I love Sonic, but I've never played that game. I've seen a picture of what I think is Chaos, based off your descriptions, but…that's not enough.

Flt. Sk.: Skull…skull…skull…

B.B.: Dude! What's wrong with Floating Skull?

Ght. Flx.: Flaming kizzle's lackin' some sizzle!

B.B.: You say he's weak from lack of souls? Wow, these readers must be reviewing like crazy!

Beast Boy's right. I've got over ten reviews on this last chapter. And it wasn't even that interesting. Seriously, I wouldn't have reviewed it. But I'm lazy as crap anyway, so…yeah. Enjoy the chapter!

float…………sku…

-

**Inside Jabu-Jabu's Belly**

"I…am…inside…a…FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Ivan, starting to go into a frenzy. A quick slap from Navi helped to regain his senses.

Link chuckled, "No worse than some of the things I said when I first got here. Funny thing is, there's a dungeon in Oracle of Ages with the same name, but the inside is made out stone."

Shaking his head, Ivan sighed and followed Link and Navi through the fish. Soon, they came to the central room full of Biris. There, in the center of the room, stood a red-haired girl, possibly in her early teens. She wore a white tank-top and violet shorts. She turned her head and gasped as she noticed the trio.

"Please!" called Link. "Watch out for the holes!"

"Oh, I know already," replied the girl. "Thanks anyway!" She walked over to them, nimbly dodging the holes and Biris. "My name's Kairi, from Kingdom Hearts. What're yours?"

The team introduced themselves. Link was particularly thrilled since he liked to play Kingdom Hearts during his rare spare time. His next destination is Hallow Bastion.

"Alright, I got a job for you, Ivan," said Link. "In the previous room, there was a large pit and an elevator."

"Right."

"Take the elevator down and follow the path until you find a Gold Skulltula."

Ivan was incredulous. "Why can't you do it when we get there?!"

Link smiled. "Well, seeing has how Kairi, unlike Ruto, did not fall through the floor, we no longer have to do about a fourth of the dungeon. But the Skulltula's down there, and we kinda need it, so…we'll meet back in this room, ok?"

Ivan sighed. "Right…I'm on it." He trudged out of the room, muttered curses at Link too obscene for South Park. Link and Navi left through the north door, Kairi close behind.

In one of the tail rooms, they found the floor crawling with Stingrays. Link used his Deku Nuts to expose them and his slingshot to destroy them. He thus collected the Boomerang. They next entered the room with one of the Parasitic Tentacles.

"Ya know," started Link. "Those things always remind me of a guy's…"

"LINK!!" exclaimed Navi. "That is highly inappropriate!"

"…uvula. You know, that dangly thing in your throat." Link grinned mischievously. "What did you _think_ I was gonna say?"

"Well…" sputtered Navi. "It's just that…you said…a guy's…"

"I didn't mean specific gender. I just said 'guy' for sake of convenience," finished Link with a smirk.

"I hate you," said Navi with a glare.

Kairi laughed. "You two are nuts!"

"You'd be nuts too if you suffered through this many fanfictions," replied Link. "What about you? Kingdom Hearts has exploded in popularity. Haven't you ever been put in…well…alternative lifestyle fictions?"

"Not really," said Kairi with a small smile. "You'll find a lot more yaoi on this site than you do yuri."

"The Zelda section's more than prove of that," responded Link sadly. "The stories I could tell, but would much rather forget."

"So tell me," began Navi, desperately trying to change the subject. "In real life, are you seeing anyone from the game?"

Kairi's smile broadened. "Yeah, Sora and I have just started dating exclusively."

Link snorted. "Lucky you. I can't find anyone. Everyone I meet either won't stop going on about The Legend of Zelda and how freaking hot I am…" Navi rolled her eyes at that one. "…or they think I'm some kinda weirdo."

"Well, maybe if you wouldn't wear that hat everywhere you go," said Navi dryly.

"I happen to like this hat, thank you very much."

Kairi laughed again, this time with more vigor. Sighing, Link defeated the tentacle, grabbed the map and led the team out. After collecting the compass and defeating two more tentacles, they went back to the center room to find an irritated Ivan waiting for them with the token.

"I hope you're happy!" shot Ivan, glaring daggers. "Those little Stingrays almost got me drowned!"

"Oops, maybe I should've told you about them," said Link, chuckling.

"Yeah, maybe." Ivan sighed. "Let's just go already."

The quartet fell through the new hole and walked through the door to the mini-boss chamber. "Ok, I got a thought," said Link. "How about I grab the Zora's Sapphire, jump off the platform before it rises, and we all leave the dungeon safe and sound. Sound peachy?"

"Sorry, guys," said Kairi with frown. "But the author won't allow it. Even if you tried, you couldn't do it." Trying to prove her wrong, Link attempted to move towards the platform. But it was like some invisible force was holding him in place. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ivan and Navi trying to do the same.

"See?" asked Kairi. "I have to do it and get kidnapped. I'll see you guys at the end of the dungeon. Bye!" Kairi jumped up onto the platform and recovered the Zora's Sapphire. Predictably, the platform rose into the ceiling. Sounds of a struggle could be heard, then all was silent. The platform came back down to reveal a large, purple octopus with huge yellow teeth.

"Hello kiddies!" shouted the octopus. "Say hi to uncle Ultros!"

"I recognize this loser!" cried Ivan. "He's from Final Fantasy VI! You guys hold him off, I've got a plan!"

Nodding, Link prepared to face the horrid Ultros. Ignoring the platform's spikes, he leapt onto the platform and began a frontal attack. Ultros, however, countered by spitting ink in Link's face. Link swept the ink away before it hit him, but as he did so, Ultros grabbed his right leg with one of his tentacles. Ultros cackled with glee as he flailed Link around like a rag doll. He was moving too fast for an accurate aim, but trusting in his sword, Link thrust.

Link's aim was true! His sword pierced the hide of the tentacle holding him. Howling with pain, Ultros dropped Link, removing his sword out of the tentacle as he fell. The two were preparing to have another go when Ivan rushed up onto the platform holding a piece of paper.

"Take this you vile fiend!" cried Ivan as he held up the paper. Link groaned when he saw what was on it. Apparently, Ivan had drawn a picture of Ultros. Very shoddily it should be noted. A minute passed like this and nothing happened.

"This was your plan?!" asked Navi with little patience.

"Well, that's how Relm beat him in that cave where the Espers were hiding," replied Ivan sheepishly.

"Wait, how did that work?" asked Link.

"When she sketches a monster, it uses its own attack against it," answered Ivan.

"Uh, hello?" inquired Ultros.

"Wow, he must really suck," stated Navi.

"Anyone?"

"That's nothing, he was never able to beat the Returners by himself," continued Ivan, not heeding Ultros.

"SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!" Apparently, Ultros was not used to being ignored.

"In the last fight above the Floating Island, he had to call on his friend Chupon to sneeze the guys off their airship," finished Ivan.

"Sneezed?" repeated Link in disbelief.

"Yep, right off the side."

"That's it! I don't get paid enough for this! I'm outta here!" Ultros vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Hmph!" snorted Navi. "That was easy!"

The team proceeded in relative silence. There was little left to do anyway, other than reach the boss chamber. Upon doing so, Link immediately recognized his opponent.

"So, it's you," said Link, more of a statement than a question. "I'm a fan of your games."

"Likewise," replied his adversary with nonchalance.

"So why are you in a child dungeon?" asked Link. "I'm no match for you now."

"Nonsense, I have full confidence that you would be a worthy adversary no matter what your current condition." The man sighed. "Unfortunately, the author agrees with you. During this fight, I will only be allowed to use one-half of both my speed and strength. But don't think I'll be a pushover, cause you'd be sadly mistaken."

"Ivan," said Link. "I want you to stay out of this fight." Ivan nodded in understanding. "Alright, let's do this!"

**Masterful Maverick Hunter  
ZERO**

Link and Zero charged forward, Kokiri Sword and Z-Saber readied respectfully. With a clang and a hum, their weapons collided.

"Strange," mused Zero. "My beam saber should have cut through your sword like butter."

"You didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?" inquired Link, almost mockingly.

The next few minutes were spent by the warriors trying to out-power one another. Suddenly they split apart, putting some distance between them, silently admitting that they were evenly matched.

Link leapt into the air for a slash attack. Seeing his opponent's move, Zero imitated almost immediately. Link couldn't understand what Zero was going for until it was too late. Utilizing tiny thrusters on the underside of his feet, Zero performed a second leap in mid-air to place himself above Link. Then, using the technique he learned from fighting his old foe Mattrex, Zero thrust downward with his saber laced with flame. Link was able to block with his sword, but was soon felt himself hit the ground with Zero pinning him there.

Zero smirked. "You were right. You really are no match for me."

Link smirked right back. "Don't count me out yet!" Link used his legs to trip Zero. That is, while he wouldn't have fallen, Zero was taken aback for a split-second, just enough time for Link to strike. In one fail swoop, Link both climbed to his feet and performed a spin attack. Zero wasn't quick enough to escape the punishing blow. It tore through his outer armor, exposing several circuits, one of which led straight to his power cell.

"I had no idea you pull off such a maneuver, especially as a child," gasped Zero between breaths. Even though he was a reploid, air played and important part in everyday energy maintenance. It wasn't necessary, but it was often convenient.

Link grinned broadly. "I had to practice that kind of thing for years before I could get it right."

Zero did a quick assessment of the damage, the bowed his head in defeat. "Someday, I'd like to fight you, man to man. Both of us giving it his all."

"I'd like that," replied Link. "Until then."

Zero nodded. Then, in a beam of red light, he teleported away. Link grabbed the Heart Container he left behind.

_Link's Health_

xxxxxxxxxx

"That was incredible!" exclaimed Ivan, racing over towards Link. "I had no idea you were _that_ good. I bet you could even take on Isaac!"

Before Link could respond, the blue portal appeared, bringing Kairi with it. "Whew, 'bout time. It was stuffy in there."

"Glad you're safe," said Link with a sigh of relief.

"By the way, I think you might want this," said Kairi, holding out the Zora's Sapphire.

"Thanks," replied Link. Then he added nervously, "You don't want me to, uh, be your fiancée or anything, do you?"

This time, Kairi burst into laughter, so much so that she had to clutch her gut. Calming down, she replied, "Sorry but no. I know what Ruto's like, so I don't blame you for asking, but come on! Like I'd really just get engaged to the first guy I run into!"

"Yeah, hilarious." Link sighed with major relief. He was in no mood for obsessed romance.

"By the way," started Kairi. "Do any of you know where I can hide from Fat Bastard? I really think he wants to eat me."

Ivan stepped forward. "If you head around behind Jabu-Jabu, you'll find a big hole in the wall. Inside lives a green monkey named Otto. He's a good guy; just don't agree to try out any of his new inventions."

"Thanks," said Kairi with genuine gratitude. "Well, see you guys around!" She walked into the portal. Nodding towards each other, the trio followed behind her.

-

I hope you enjoyed. It took me awhile to decide on who should be Big Octo. In the end, I just said screw it and went with Ultros.

Anyway, in the next chapter, the villain is revealed at last! Who do you think it is? Until next time!


	10. The Face of Evil

FLOATING SKULL IS REBORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, and for those of you who hadn't noticed, Floating Skull is back at full power.

Flt. Sk.: YES! By consuming the flames emanating from other stories, Floating Skull was able to revitalize himself! SKULL!! (burst into flames that leveled Cleveland)

B.B.: Dude! You burnt down fictional Cleveland again!

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle yo!

Don't worry, I'm an author. I'll just make another fictional Cleveland and we'll all be happy. Especially fictional Drew Carey.

But enough about that, I'm glad that so many of you enjoy my work. Oh, but to Gamer Lioness, I'm afraid I can't use the Four Swords Links as the Gerudos. I have a very good reason, but I can't give it away, trust me.

And to the guy that suggested Andross for Bongo Bongo, that's actually a good idea, but I've had the Shadow Temple planned out for ages. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll all enjoy it. Especially Numdenu, whom will probably be having kittens the entire time.

Lastly, to the guy who mentioned Mido, or Seymour in this case, kudos for being the first person to mention that. Link's right, his plans don't bode well for him.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my newest chapter.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Hyrule Field**

"And you're saying this Bunny Hood will help me with my problem?" asked a large blue hedgehog.

"Sure will, Sonic," replied Ivan. "With this thing on, Amy will never recognize you. Just be sure to let your friends in on it first."

"Yeah, like I'd ever let Knuckles catch me wearing this," said Sonic, sarcasm spewing from his mouth. "Anyway, I'm supposed to fill someone's wallet."

"Here, fill this wallet," interjected Link, stepping forward. "I borrowed it from the Wind Waker set. It holds 5000 rupees!"

Sonic gave a nice long whistle. "That'll pay for quite a few chili dogs!"

As he fills Link's wallet, Navi flew over. "So Sonic, how did a big name like you end up with a lousy spot like this?"

Sonic snorted. "Well, I was on the long list of candidates for the boss of the Spirit Temple, but that stupid author got annoyed at me."

"What for?" asked Ivan.

"Well, he was playing my Sonic Mega Collection Plus, but his game setting data got corrupted and he had to start over, unlocking all the games again."

Link groaned. "I know what he means. I have that collection, and it's tedious as hell to unlock everything. I mean, you gotta enter and exit Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles 20 times each to unlock Sonic 3 and Knuckles. And that's one of the good games!"

"Well, apparently he's a little fed up with it and I'm suffering because of it!" finished Sonic with a stomp for emphasis. He sighed, "Well, you guys take it easy. I'm heading to Death Mountains for some chili dogs. Talking about them got me in the mood to eat them." In the blink of an eye, Sonic raced along the field at Mach 1 towards Death Mountain.

"You know, I have a feeling he'll play an important role before the story's over," mused Ivan.

"Whatever, let's get going." Link and co. traveled north towards the castle. Only Ivan was surprised when it got dark and stormy.

With a flash of lightning, the drawbridge lowered. As soon as it touched ground, a white horse shot out from the Market. On the horse were Princess Zelda and Jet. As they raced off, Zelda threw the Ocarina of Time into the moat. Link watched these events with little interest until the horse that should have been carrying Ganondorf appeared.

On the horse sat a man dressed entirely in black, with a few silver armaments. His long white hair flowed in the wind, with a grace that belied his true nature.

"I remember you!" gasped Link. Behind him, Ivan stood frozen with fear. "Your name is Fred, right?"

"SILENCE!" roared the man. He raised his hand and fired an energy bolt that flung Link backward a good ten feet. "My name is, and always has been Sephiroth! Remember it, pitiful insects! You will soon bow to me!" He laughed viciously, the kind of laugh that makes large Dobermans cower in fear. He rode off without so much as a second glance the trio.

Ivan finally broke from his paralyzed state to run to Link's aid. "Who was that guy?" he asked as he helped Link to his feet.

Link groaned and rubbed his temples with his fingers, trying to rid himself of his headache. "That was the villain from Final Fantasy VII, Sephiroth. Or as he's known in the real world, Fred Phillips."

"Ok, so what's his deal?"

Link sighed. "He has a very loose grip on reality. Ever since they filmed the game, he seemed to actually believe himself to be a being of absolute power. And being in all these fanfictions have only made it worse. I remember the day they finished filming. He went on a rampage; Joey and I had to stop him."

"Who's Joey?" asked Ivan.

"He's the guy who played Cloud. Great with a broadsword."

"So why were you there, anyway?"

Link grinned, "My best friend was playing in the game as Zack. He invited me to watch some of the filming."

"What's his real name?"

"Zack," replied Link. "You might have noticed, but they usually don't bother renaming some of the less important characters. I wasn't renamed because only people who read the instruction booklet or watched the opening demo would know my name. Even nowadays, my name isn't a default name in the game. Me, the main character! And Zack, well, his character was dead the whole game. Sure he had flashbacks, but he was dead all the same."

"Harsh," said Ivan. "Anyway, what now?"

"Hold that thought." Link dived into the moat, retrieved the Ocarina of Time, and learned the Song of Time. After climbing out of the moat, he turned to Ivan, "To answer your question, here is list of all the Gold Skulltulas we have yet to destroy. Excluding the ones from the bean sprout spots, I'll take care of those while I'm planting the Magic Beans. I want you to destroy the rest, got it?"

Ivan took the list and parted ways from Link and Navi. Over the next day, they accomplished their tasks and obtained the now useless Giant's Wallet and ten Bombchu. They brought their Gold Skulltula count up to 45. Normally, Link could only have 44 at this point, but remember that they collected the fifth one in Dodongo's Cavern that usually requires the hookshot. Speaking of which, Link also obtained the Scarecrow's Song.

After obtaining a good night's sleep at Link's House, the trio marches bravely towards the Temple of Time.

**Temple of Time**

"Nice music," commented Ivan as they entered the temple. "It suits the atmosphere."

Link walked up to the case and placed the Kokiri's Emerald, the Goron's Ruby, and the Zora's Sapphire in it. After playing the Song of Time to open the Door of Time, Link and co. walked up to the Master Sword. Placing his hands firmly around the hilt in a familiar manner, he heaved the sword out of the Pedestal of Time. A blue light enveloped the party and they knew nothing more.

-

Damn whichever reviewer guessed it was Sephiroth! Ok, it was pretty easy to figure out, but still. I hope no one minds my creative licensing with video game character relationships. I assure you, it's not completely pointless. Until next time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	11. Memories

Hello again. In reply to several viewers, I know nothing about Fire Emblem, so don't expect to see anyone from the games. The guys in the Spirit Temple have been finalized. I have ideas for the four Gerudo and Morpha (remember that Chaos from Sonic Adventure won't work), but I want to hear your suggestions for them. They're open for change. Everyone else is more or less decided.

One question though. Professor Zoom suggested TTYD for Volvagia. While I have chosen Volvagia long ago, I wonder…who or what is TTYD? No freakin' clue.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull's only relief comes from not having to participate in this wretched excuse for a story.

B.B.: Dude! Don't say that, or Dragon might actually put you in there!

Ght. Flx.: Holla!

That's right, Floating Skull. I have nothing against torturing my muses. _Any_ of my muses, got it?

B.B.: Sure, w…whatever you say!

Ght. Flx.: Cool…

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is not intimidated by puny mortal author! Floating Skull only wishes that puny mortal readers fail to review, allowing Floating Skull to devour their souls!

Ignoring that, please enjoy this next chapter. It's…different. Also, please note that all names for OC's were created by me. They're not the actual people involved with The Legend of Zelda. They just suit my purposes.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

Being put to sleep for seven years gives one ample time to dream of one's past. Link always has the same dreams here, with some new ones every now and then.

* * *

A blonde youth, no older than 25 strolled into the room, dressed in a suit and tie. In his hand was a sword he got from his parents upon his graduation from college.

A man wearing glasses sat at a long table between a middle-aged woman and a young Japanese man. He sat for several minutes peering through his notes before looking up at the youth. "Alright, let's begin. My name is Thomas Willams, I'm the head director of 'The Legend of Zelda'. The actual creator prefers to stay behind the scenes. These are my colleagues: Koji Kamiya, he's in charge of the special effects, and Heather Anderson, our Nintendo representative. What is your name, lad?"

The youth bristled at being called lad, but he ignored it. "My name is Link, sir."

"Link, you say?" mused Ms. Anderson. "Didn't you audition for Donkey Kong a few years ago."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I see you bothered to dress for the occasion this time."

Link smiled, "I learn from my mistakes."

Ms. Anderson nodded. "You said then that you were good with a sword. Does that still hold true?"

Link nodded. "I am quite skilled with both a sword and shield. I also have been practicing my jumping, in case that was necessary."

"Good idea," agreed Mr. Kamiya. "But we're not trying to copy Mario here." Link stiffened at the name Mario. "Though his new game, Super Mario Bros., has landed some pretty big numbers."

Mr. Williams laid his papers down on the table. "Of the three people to show up, you're the only one to show any evidence of proficient swordplay. The fact that you came with your own sword seals the deal. All we need now is a field test."

Link was shown to a large room made of light blue tile. At the opposing wall, surrounded by columns was a large dragon. He had four legs, no arms, feathered wings, and a single horn on his forehead.

Mr. Kamiya smiled as he saw the look on Link's face. "This is a simulation of the boss chamber of Level 1, Eagle. Your test here is to defeat the boss, Aquamentus, using only your sword. Don't be fooled by his name, he isn't water based in the least."

Link snapped out of his stupor. "What, no shield?" Mr. Kamiya shook his head. Link smirked. "That's okay, I like danger." Mr. Kamiya wished him luck and walked over to where the other two directors were standing.

Link unsheathed his sword and took a battle stance. Aquamentus moved a little to the left, a little to the right, and back again. He repeated this movement indefinitely. As he moved, he spat groups of large fireballs. One would travel straight forward, another to the left, the third to the right.

Link gauged the boss's strategy, then charge forward. He weaved between the fireballs with ease. Upon reaching Aquamentus, he slashed the beast's face. Aquamentus roared with pain, then spat out three more fireballs. However, Link had already backed up enough to give himself plenty room to dodge. He repeated this strategy until the boss succumbed to his wounds and fell over, dead.

Link sheathed his sword and took a deep breath. Turning around, he put one arm behind his head and shot the directors a cocky grin. Luckily for him, they were absolutely dazzled by his performance.

"Welcome aboard!" shouted Mr. Williams.

Link couldn't believe his ears. "Thank you! Thank you very much, sir!"

"Now, here's what you need to know," continued Mr. Williams, once they were back in the interview room. "You're a foreigner walking through the woods of land of Hyrule, when you see a bunch of monsters gang up on an old lady…"

"We've already hired an elderly woman named Impa to play that role," interjected Mr. Kamiya.

"…You, being a courageous young lad, fend off the evil monsters. Impa thanks you and tells you of the lovely Princess Zelda, who has been kidnapped by the monster boss, who stole the Triforce of Power. Zelda, sensing he was coming, split the Triforce of Wisdom into eight parts and hid them in labyrinths so the monster boss couldn't steal it. The eight labyrinths are, in order: Eagle, Moon, Manji, Snake, Lizard, Dragon, Demon, and Lion. You have to collect the eight shards so you can enter Level 9, Spectacle Rock, the monster boss's hideout on Death Mountain." Mr. Williams took a deep breath to recover from this long speech.

"Now, for your outfit," said Ms. Anderson. "I want you to try this on." She handed Link an odd costume. Link shrugged and stepped into the dressing room. A few minutes later, he walked out fully dressed. He wore brown leather boots and a green tunic. Under his tunic was a long-sleeved brown undershirt. His hands bore no gloves. On his head was a green cap. "Perfect!" exclaimed Ms. Anderson. "I designed it myself, you know. I was going for a part-Robin Hood, part Peter Pan look. Experienced and deadly, yet youthful and friendly. You pull off the look beautifully." Link blushed. Partly due to the compliment, partly due to the fact that he wasn't wearing pants beneath his tunic.

* * *

Link was back in the same room, sitting in a chair at the side of the room. To his side was the girl chosen to play Princess Zelda, coincidently named Zelda. Of course, she was chosen for much better reasons than her name. On her other side was the elderly Impa. They were observing the interview for the monster boss. So far, the only decent one, Chaos, was turned down for being too temperamental. It might interest you to know that Chaos later found work with Squaresoft as the final boss of 'Final Fantasy'.

The next applicant walked in the door, much in the same manner that Link himself had. He had tanned skin and fiery red hair.

"Your name, please?" asked Mr. Williams, somewhat irritated at a long day with no results.

"My name is Ganondorf Dragmire," replied the man.

"Can you do anything special?" asked Mr. Kamiya.

Instead of answering, Ganondorf hunched over and began groaning. Everyone in the room jumped to their feet to see what was wrong, but Ganondorf motioned for them to stay put. Suddenly, he let out a roar, and in a flash, he had transformed into a large, blue pig creature.

Mr. Williams was impressed, maybe a little easier than usual, but then, it had been a very, very long day. "Do you have a name for this form?" he asked.

Ganondorf answered in a deep raspy voice. "My friends call this form Mandrag Ganon."

"No!" exclaimed Mr. Kamiya, with his hands in front of his face. Spreading them apart, he added, "Just…'Ganon'."

Ganondorf resumed his human form. "Does this mean I've got the job?"

"It's either you," said Ms. Anderson. "Or that stupid 'pots & pans' robot. And I hate that guy!" The other two directors nodded their agreement.

* * *

"I can't believe you left my scenes out!" screamed Impa. "Both times!" They had just released Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, and both times, Impa's scene in the prologue had been removed merely to the instruction booklet.

"I'm sorry, Impa," said Mr. Williams. "But the budget just wouldn't allow it."

Link was standing to the side. He had approached Mr. Williams in hopes of negotiating a pay raise,

"But don't worry," continued Mr. Williams. "I promise you that you'll appear in out next game."

"That's what you told me after the last game!" screeched Impa. "But no! You have to spend all your money revolutionizing the Zelda vision, leaving me out in the cold. I've had it! I quit!" She stormed off, leaving Mr. Williams in a very bad mood.

"Now we'll have to rewrite the opening. And what do you want?" he asked, turning his gaze to Link.

"It's not important," said Link sheepishly. "I'll come back later." He turned to leave.

"Wait, Link," said Mr. Williams, putting a hand on Link's shoulder. "You'd like a pay raise, wouldn't you." Turning back around, Link nodded. Mr. Williams sighed. "I'd love to give you one, but we just can't afford it. I'm sure you've heard that Zelda II hasn't done near as well as we had hoped."

Link sighed, too. "I guess going side-scroller really was a bad idea."

"We agree," said Mr. Williams. "But our writers are already working on Zelda 3: A Link to the Past. It will be styled after Zelda 1, but since it will be on the Super Nintendo that will be coming out soon, it will be several times superior, giving increased mobility and a wider item range. If goes as well as we hope, I can assure you that you'll get a substantial raise."

"And if it doesn't go well," asked Link, trying not to get his hopes up.

Mr. Williams gave the deepest sigh Link had ever heard him give. "Then we may all be looking for new jobs."

* * *

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Link was absolutely ecstatic. He was jumping up and down like a five-year old who just discovered Christmas.

Mr. Kamiya noticed his little dance. "I see your excited about the new proposal for Zelda 5: Ocarina of Time, the first 3-D Zelda game!"

Link stopped his chant. "Yeah, that too. But I'm just really glad that my outfit finally has pants! I mean, the breeze is nice and all, but I'm tired of having to cross my legs every time I sit down. It's irritating! I don't know how girls put up with it."

"Yes," replied Mr. Kamiya with a hint of sarcasm. "But anyway, I want to introduce you to your partner for this game." He stepped aside to reveal a glowing blue ball with wings. "Navi the fairy!"

"Hi," said Navi. "I look forward to working with you."

"Navi will fly near objects, attracting your attention to them," explained Mr. Kamiya. "The player will use her to lock on to people, objects, and enemies."

* * *

"Why do I have to be replaced!" screamed Navi, much in the same manner Impa had, several years ago.

"Searching for you his the only reason Link was on his quest," answered Ms. Anderson, struggling to remain calm.

"Well, do I have to be replaced by _her_?" she asked, pointing to the tan fairy named Tatl.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, girl!" shot Tatl. "They just realized my obvious greatness. Plus, I just not as annoying as you, Mrs. 'Hey-and-Listen'!"

"Are you listening to her!" Navi was growing frantic now. "She's obviously drunk. Can she really be allowed on the set?!"

"Hey," countered Tatl. "I'll have you know, missy, that I only drink when I go to frat parties."

"_F.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.frat parties_!?" screeched Navi.

Off in the corner, Link just stood there, refusing to get involved.

* * *

"Hey, Aryll!" said Link as he walked in the door to his sister's apartment.

"Well, if it isn't my big brother the star," greeted Aryll. "What brings you here?"

"I've got big news for you!" exclaimed Link. "Nintendo's offering you a part in Zelda 9: The Wind Waker, as my little sister."

Aryll broke into a smile. "What's my role?"

"You get kidnapped, mostly."

Aryll's smile grew smaller but remained. "I guess everyone's gotta start somewhere. I'm in."

"Pack your things," said Link. "We leave tomorrow."

* * *

Link threw his fist into the wall as hard as he could, making in shake somewhat. His face was twisted with fury.

"What's wrong, Link?" asked Zelda, walking up to him.

"It's these damn fanfictions!" said Link slowly and deliberately. "They're always ruining my life! They just cost me my girlfriend Alicia!" He slumped over and burst into tears. Zelda wrapped her arms around him in compassion as his hot tears soaked her shirt.

* * *

"Link, you're wanted on the set in five!"

* * *

"No, Link! Do it again, without getting bitten this time!"

* * *

"Link…"

* * *

"Link?"

* * *

"Link! Wake up, Link!"

* * *

"Wha..what?" Link opened his eyes to find himself in the Chamber of Sages with an old man staring down at him. "Who are you?"

"My name is Albus Dumbledore," replied the old man. "I'm the new Sage of Light. Now get up, we've got some serious problems to deal with."

-

I've wanted to write this chapter for a while now. This seemed like the best spot to put it. I hope you liked it, it's a little glance into Link's past and how he got into the business. I hope the people who wanted to see a lot of Adult Link aren't too disappointed. Don't worry, the next chapter will be fairly long, with appearances by the Elric Brothers. Until then!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	12. Link's Second Awakening

Time, once again, for the Cameos of Time.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull believes that the only cameo needed is an appearance by Pepto-Bismal™ for Floating Skull's upset stomach.

B.B.: Dude! Do you even have a stomach?

Flt. Sk.: Technically, Floating Skull does not, but…

Ght. Flx.: Then where be all the kizzle after they be sosizzled?

B.B.: Ghetto Felix wants to know where all the souls go after you devour them.

Flt. Sk.: Perhaps the puny ghetto muse would like to find out, personally?

Ght. Flx.:

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull thought not.

Sorry for all this nonsensical rambling. I'm sorry to say that I'm not familiar with the Star Ocean series. Also, I have no plans to give major roles to other members of Kingdom Hearts I & II. Sorry, but I've finally got the story mostly planned out. Morpha has been decided. My only questionable spot is the four sword-wielding Gerudo, so I'm still taking suggestions.

Professor Zoom, I feel like such an idiot. Thousand Year Door, duh! I see whenever I go shopping at Wal-Mart after work, I just haven't bought it yet. Sorry for the confusion.

Anyway, get ready for an interesting (hopefully) plot twist. Enjoy!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Chamber of Sages**  
**(Temple of Light)**

Ivan awoke with a start. He looked around to find himself in the Chamber of Sages. He saw Link laying in the center of the platform on a Triforce mark. But something seemed out of place. "I don't remember the ground being that far down." Then he looked at himself. "Holy crap! I'm tall, and…I'm buff!" Indeed, Ivan found that his upper body had been recreated to that of a gladiator. "Oh yeah, there's not a babe out there that isn't gonna want a piece of this!" he said with a grin as he flexed his biceps at his reflection in the water.

"_Ivan!_" cried a shrill voice from out of nowhere.

"Who said that?!" exclaimed Ivan, alarmed.

"_Ivan! Ivan!_"

"W.w.who's there?" stammered Ivan.

"IVAN! WAKE UP!"

"Wha…?" Ivan yawned. He saw Navi floating in his face.

"Wake up you lazy Adept!" yelled Navi, exasperated from her task.

Ivan got up and looked at his reflection. "Damn it!" he yelled. "I'm still puny!" He looked over at Link to find that an old man was telling him about some great trouble

"Yeah, yeah," grunted Link as he yawned off seven years of sleep. "Of course there's trouble. Ganond…I mean, Sephiroth has the Triforce of Power, what else is new?"

"Sephiroth not only possess the Triforce of Power, but he has broken the author's control over this fanfiction," answered Albus Dumbledore.

"All right," said Link. "Let's pretend that I don't know what that means."

"It means that unspeakable chaos is upon us!" gasped Ivan, his eyes filled with terror.

"Your friend is right," agreed Dumbledore. "Upon normal circumstances, this fictional world would disappear, and we'd all be released back into the real world."

"What's so bad about that?" asked Link.

"Sephiroth would retain the Triforce of Power without the author's word to stop it." Dumbledore sighed. "But we still seem to be bound within the parameters of the story. I was hoping that one of you could tell us why."

"I've heard of this before," replied Ivan. "I know of one in particular. Does anyone here know of the SNES game called 'Lemmings'?" Link and Dumbledore nodded. "Once, they managed to get loose somehow and began heading towards Hong Kong. Luckily, the Chinese military was able to take them out, but…in this case I think we're fine for now because of the canon."

"What cannon?" asked Link. "I don't remember a cannon in this game. Wind Waker yes, but…"

"No, not cannon. Canon," corrected Ivan. "This is a novelization of sorts of Ocarina of Time. Thus, this fanfiction is bound, however loosely, to the storyline of that game."

"In other words," stated Dumbledore. "The fanfiction will end whenever Sephiroth is defeated."

"Yes, but that's not all." Ivan sighed. "If one of the major characters dies before his or her role is fulfilled, the story will end automatically. But with almost all the major characters replaced, that narrows the playing field down to Zelda, Navi, and…"

"Myself," finished Link.

"Dumbledore, has anything happened to Hyrule in the past seven years?" asked Navi.

"Indeed it has," answered Dumbledore. "Sephiroth has somehow managed to bring in minions from outside the story. The boss of the Spirit Temple had just been decided as Kakashi from Naruto, but he was ejected when he refused to pledge allegiance to Sephiroth. Other bosses have pledged their allegiance, still others were brainwashed. But the rest were replaced.

"Replacements for replacements," muttered Navi. "What a concept."

"The author has sent some of his own warriors to help fight, but they were few and far between," finished Dumbledore.

"I thought as much," mused Ivan. "Sephiroth cannot break out as long as the canon is in place, even at its weakest points…"

"Like the seven years Link spent asleep. No official storyline has ever been made for that period of time." interjected Navi.

Ivan nodded. "But when the canon is weak, other people can enter the story, whether summoned or sent. Now that Link is awake, though, the canon has strengthened."

"Another question," interrupted Link. "Can we die now?"

"No," answered Dumbledore. "No one can die during a fanfiction, wherever its control lies, except for OC's."

"Yeah, but we don't have any here," said Link with relief.

"It seems that anyone that is 'killed' is merely sent back to the real world. Or their own world, in the case of anime characters. Now, enough talk." He held out his hand. "Here, take this Light Medallion. If you collect all six Medallions, you'll be able to break the barrier surrounding Sephiroth's Castle."

Link accepted the Medallion. "Thank you. And rest assured, I will free us from Sephiroth's evil grip."

"It is I who should be thanking you, Link," answered Dumbledore, the twinkle restored to his eyes after seven long years. "I shall return you to Hyrule. Good luck!"

**Temple of Time**

The blue light faded as the trio reappeared in the Temple of Time. They had barely walked five steps before a voice interrupted them. "We meet again, Hero of Time."

Link turned to find himself facing Sheik. "Good to see you again, Z…"

Sheik had pressed his hand to Link's mouth. "Sephiroth doesn't know who I am yet. Seems he never played Ocarina of Time."

"Why? Who are you?" asked Ivan.

Ignoring him, Link proceeded to inform Sheik of the information he had discussed with Dumbledore. "So as long as Navi, Zelda, and myself stay alive, we can stop Sephiroth from escaping."

"There's no telling what evils Sephiroth will commit if he escapes. How can I help?" asked Sheik.

"You could go ahead and teach him the teleportation songs," suggested Navi.

Sheik shook his head. "I'm afraid that all I can teach you now is the Prelude of Light."

"That'll work," accepted Link. Following her lead, he learned the mystic tune to warp him to the Temple of Time. Thanking Sheik, he led the trio out of the temple.

**Kakariko Village**

"That mountain is creepy," said Ivan, referring to the red ring of fire around Death Mountain.

"I know," agreed Link. "I always felt that…"

"FREEZE!" came a shout from just inside the gates. Link drew his blade as two figures came at them. "Who goes th…oh, Link it's you."

"Edward, Alphonse! It's good to see you again," said Ivan.

"You two nearly gave me a heart attack!" exclaimed Link.

"We were told that you had been put to sleep for seven years," said Ed. "I guess time's finally up. I notice you got taller."

"I notice you didn't," said Link with a smirk.

_Clang!_

"Aaaaarrgh!" shouted Link. "Damn it, what the hell did you do that for?!"

"I told you I'm not short!" said Ed furiously. "I also told you that next time you said that I'd use my right arm!"

"That's why it hurt so much," muttered Link. "I hope you're happy!"

"Yeah, I kinda am."

"Why don't you come with us back to our house so we can talk?" suggested Al, hoping to break up the fighting. The trio followed them back up to Impa's house, currently being used by Jet Enduro and the Elric Brothers.

"Whew! That's some story," said Ed after Link had finished his tale. "We'd love to help but we're busy here in the village."

"Four years ago, an evil demon serving Sephiroth attacked our village, hoping to take control of the Shadow Temple the way the other four have been," explained Al. "We fought alongside Yangus and Jet to defeat him, but we only succeeded in sealing him inside the well."

"Yangus was killed in the fight," continued Ed. "But instead of being expelled from the fanfiction, he was simply turned into a ghost."

"No doubt the canon wasn't through with him," suggested Navi. "His death played right into the canon's hands, so he was able to stay."

"That's right," agreed Link. "The old gravekeeper, Dampe, was dead during this part of the game. Come on, guys, we need to pay him a visit."

"Before you go," said Al. "I'm supposed to give you this Pocket Cucco egg." Link accepted the gift graciously and left the house.

**Graveyard**

"Cor blimey!" exclaimed Yangus. "I ain't seen you blokes in ages. How've you been?"

"Just fine, thanks," answered Link. "I'd ask how you've been but…"

"Wot? Cuz I'm dead 'in all?" asked Yangus. "Bein' a ghost is diamond compared to marching around that graveyard every night."

"I can imagine," replied Link, not completely truthfully. "Anyway can you give us the hookshot? We need it to save Hyrule."

"Now hold everyfin'," said Yangus. "Just cuz' I like bein' a ghost better doesn't mean I'm not bored. Race me through this here maze, and I'll give you the hookshot."

Link sighed. He had somehow expected this. Without wasting any time, they began their race through the labyrinth. Yangus was rather agile for a ghost, so Link had a hard time keeping up with him. He relied mostly on memory to get through the maze. Ivan, on the other hand, was very nimble, and had no trouble matching pace with Yangus. At last they reached the maze's end.

"That was diamond, guv!" exclaimed Yangus. "No one else to come down here ever made it this far, not even the Elric Brothers. Here, you can have the Hookshot, and this Heart Piece(2nd) too."

"Thanks, Yangus, this is just what I needed," said Link.

"Funny thin' is," continued Yangus. "That Marcello bloke was lyin' when he told me that he was in the story. He was just being considered for it. That's why he wasn't very spific."

Link and co. followed the stairs up into the windmill. After grabbing the Heart Piece(3rd), Link learned the Song of Storms from the windmill guy, who wasn't important enough to get replaced.

**Kakariko Village**

After playing the Sun's Song twice to hatch the egg, Link used the Pocket Cucco to awaken Homer Simpson within one of the houses.

"It's awful," complained Homer. "Moe took over my ranch in Sephiroth's name and is forcing Lisa, who hasn't aged a bit, to work for him."

(**A/N** Imagine Homer actually saying the name Sephiroth. Weird, ain't it?)

"Don't worry, we'll be putting a stop to it!" Link assured him.

"Well in that case, I'm coming too," said Homer. "I want to give Moe a piece of my mind."

**Lon Lon Ranch  
(Moe's Ranch?)**

"Sorry, but I can't give back the ranch," replied Moe to Homer's pleas.

"Why not," asked Homer in a whine. "I demand you give me back my ranch. Give it!" he said, shaking his fist at Moe.

Moe pushed Homer's fist down. "You see, I don't ever get no respect, see. But for the first time, someone considers me to be of value, albeit he happens to be an evil crazy guy."

"I understand how you feel," replied Link. "But Sephiroth doesn't actually value you. He values what you can do for him, which is what many paying drunkards do everyday. They're just less evil."

"Hmmm, well, you make a good point," conceded Moe. "But the answer's still no."

"I have an idea," interjected Lisa. "Moe, why don't you prove yourself to be a good horseman by beating Link here in a race. If he wins, you give us back the ranch."

"Alright, but what if I win?" asked Moe. "I ain't doin' this for nothin'."

"I'll throw in 50 rupees, deal?" asked Link.

"Alright, let's do this," agreed Moe.

Several minutes later, Moe was found on his knees, pounding the ground and cursing beneath his breath. "Damn it! I woulda won had you not played that song that made Epona do what you wanted."

"Yeah, yeah, cry me a river," gloated Link. "Anyway, Lisa, do you mind if I take Epona with me?"

"Go ahead," consented Lisa. "You deserve it."

"Thanks. You know I'm just glad that Epona wasn't replaced with another horse," said Link, patting Epona.

"DRX9 thought about replacing her with Mr. Ed," said Ivan. "But it was too much extra dialogue. Plus, it occurred to him that he had never actually watched that show so…"

"We get it, Ivan," interrupted Navi. She was tired of Ivan's constant explanations.

**Hyrule Field**

"Alright," said Link. "We've got work to do before heading to the Forest Temple. Now we can't get enough Gold Skulltula tokens to get the Heart Piece from the House of Skulltula, but there are plenty others. Come on!"

Link and co. traveled to Lake Hylia to obtain the Gold Scale and verify the Scarecrow's Song. Afterwards, they obtained the following Heart Pieces:

Lake Hylia, on top of the Lakeside Laboratory(4th)

Lake Hylia, diving inside of the Lakeside Laboratory(1st)

Kakariko Village, from the guy on top of the Potion Shop(2nd)

Graveyard, riding the bean sprout(3rd)

Hyrule Field, diving in a hidden grotto in the northwestern corner(4th)

_Link's Health  
_xxxxxxxxxx  
xx

And thus, the team set off for the Kokiri Forest, hoping to save Starfire.

-

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Just remember, for every chapter you don't enjoy…I shall kill you. Just kidding, but if you don't review, Floating Skull will feast on your soul. Seriously, let me know if the first part was too confusing. I did my best. Until next time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	13. The Deep Forest

The reviews fell a little short this time.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull was able to devour six souls of those who failed to review!

B.B.: It was totally creepy the way he just kinda sucked a white blanket out of 'em!

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle yo'!

My muses have such a way with words, don't they? In any case, I would like to draw attention to a series of one-shots written by Sunrise of the Pheonix. They're semi-based off this, and I think you'll like them.

Nothing else to say, so enjoy!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Sacred Forest Meadow**

"Is anyone else bothered by the fact that we haven't seen Seymour?" asked Ivan as they ascended the stairs to the Forest Temple.

"Yeah," agreed Link. "That guy creeped me out. What did the author have planned for him?"

"Nothing," replied Ivan. "He was just there for kicks and giggles, but with Sephiroth in charge, who knows?"

"We meet again, Hero of Time," came a voice from behind them.

"Hey, Sheik," replied Link without turning around. "Come to play us a song?"

"Indeed," said Sheik. "As you know, the Minuet of Forest shall return you to this place." He played the minuet and Link joined in, allowing the power of the forest to seep through the souls of its listeners. "There, now go! Save Starfire and free the Forest Temple!"

"Question," interjected Ivan. "Why does Sephiroth want the Temples so bad? The Elrics told us of a demon that tried to lay siege to the Shadow Temple, but was sealed away. Shouldn't Sephiroth be focusing on finding a way back to the real world?"

"That is a valid question," said Sheik. "Many believe that Sephiroth is bound by the canon and must do as Ganondorf did. But some, including myself, think that Sephiroth can utilize the power of the six temples in such a way as to form a portal to the outside world. He succeeded in capturing all but the Temples of Light and Shadow…"

"Although," interrupted Link. "If this story holds true to form, the Shadow Temple will be captured by that sealed Demon after we free the Water Temple."

"…But now," continued Sheik as if he hadn't been disturbed. "With you up and about, Sephiroth will have little interest in the temples. All his efforts will be focused on seeing you dead."

"What about me?" demanded Navi, feeling a little left out. "He could kill me, too."

Sheik shook his head. "That's neither here nor there. You and Link are never separated, and Link would never allow anything to befall you. Sephiroth knows that either way, his battle would be with Link." Navi's temper was sated. Sheik wished the team luck before disappearing in a flash.

**Forest Temple**

"This place is a dump," muttered Ivan. Ignoring him, Link proceeded with the average temple trekking. They soon entered the central chamber, yet they remained unfazed as the torches were lifted from their pedestals by four beings other than the Poe Sisters. Holding the red flame was a young boy, possibly Japanese, bald save for a ponytail, and wearing a karate gi. The blue flame was held by a blonde girl in a pink dress. A blonde boy with glasses and a green inform bore the green flame. Lastly, the purple flame was being hoisted by a boy wearing a yellow and blue striped shirt, blue shorts, and a red baseball cap. The four laughed, then disappeared without a trace.

"Hey!" exclaimed Link. "I know that last guy from Super Smash Bros. That was Ness!"

"From Earthbound, yes," agreed Ivan. "Then the other three must be Paula, Jeff, and Poo."

"They must've been affected by Sephiroth's influence!" continued Link. "I know Ness, he would never willingly turn to evil."

The team proceeded through the north hallway to a circular room, where they were attacked by…

"Stalfos!" exclaimed Navi. "That's it?"

"I don't get it either," agreed Link. "All these cameos, and suddenly we're fighting normal enemies? Something stinks, and for once it's not Ivan."

Ignoring Ivan's death glare, Link swiftly disposed of the skeletal terrors. Still a bit suspicious, the trio continued through the dungeon. Things went more or less normal until they reached the mini-boss chamber.

"Whew!" said Ivan, looking into the hole. "Long drop. Isn't that where we fought those Stalfos?"

"Speaking of which…" muttered Navi as a new Stalfos dropped in from above.

"What is up with this?" asked Link as he sliced it in half.

The ceiling dropped down from above and revealed two young men. One was wearing blue clothes and a yellow scarf. His spiky blonde hair glistened in the darkness. The other wore light green clothes and a blue cape. He had long dark brown hair that hid half of his face. It was twisted into a ponytail that reached down to his knees.

"So you're the ones that dare impede Master Sephiroth!" declared the blonde.

"Tremble before the power that we wield as Venus Adepts!" exclaimed the other.

"Adepts?" asked Link. "Ivan who are these guys?" There was no response. "Ivan?" Link turned around to find Ivan trembling with a mixture of fear and betrayal in his eyes.

"I.I.Isaac?" stammered Ivan. "Felix?"

"You know these…" Link was cut off as the blonde, Isaac, charged forward with his sword drawn. Link parried with his blade, but his attention was fixed on Ivan. "Yo! You okay?"

"Don't waste your breath," said the dark haired one, Felix, as he stepped forward. "You shouldn't bother worrying about that weakling. Isaac did that once and Agatio burned him for it. Isn't that right, Isaac?"

"A mistake on my part. Now my mind is clear," replied Isaac. "I shall defeat you and show the Master that I am worthy of being allowed my full power!"

"You mean, 'we', don't you Isaac?" asked Felix, his eyes fixated on Link.

"Yes, of course. We will not underestimate you Hero of Time!" Isaac stepped back to even himself with Felix. Then they both punched the ground, shouting, "Spire!"

"What the?" inquired Link, perplexed at this behavior. "What are you people doing?"

"LINK! LOOK UP!" shouted Ivan, momentarily breaking from his stupor.

Link looked up to find two stalactites falling towards him. He knocked them away with his sword, but in his moment of distraction, Isaac and Felix thrust their hands forward and shouted, "Quake!" The ground beneath Link thrust upward once, knocking Link on his back. His sword and shield went flying. Before he could move, Link found two swords pointing at his neck.

"I take it Ivan never bothered to mention that Venus Adepts wield the element earth," sneered Isaac. He paused to swat at Navi, who had charged forward in an attempted tackle. "I guess this is the end, Hero!"

"The Master shall rule, and we shall be rewarded greatly for our service." Felix smiled as he prepared to thrust.

Thinking quickly, Link cupped his hands together and ignited Din's Fire. It exploded in a fiery orb around him. Isaac and Felix were caught unawares, and were knocked back to the opposing wall. As the fire died, Link climbed to his feet and raced towards his sword and shield. Arming himself, he assumed a battle stance, but his opponents seemed less enthusiastic.

"No one told me this guy was a Mars Adept!" cried Isaac.

"He's not," replied Felix calmly. "He learned that trick from that accursed red monkey. I'm not sure what else he knows, but we cannot fight against such an opponent. I suggest a tactical retreat."

"The Master won't like this," muttered Isaac in defeat. Then, he and Felix vanished in a flash of light.

Link took a breath of relief. After checking to make sure that Navi was okay, Link turned to Ivan, who had taken a seat next to the wall. "Ivan, what happened?"

"They're right," said Ivan somberly. "I'm nothing but a weakling. You should go on without me."

Link grew stern. "The last time I went on without you, I almost got wasted by a bunch of invisible ninjas. Do you know how embarrassing it would've been to lose to a nameless cameo!" His expression softened. "Come on, what's wrong? Who were those guys?"

Ivan took a deep breath before starting his tale. "Isaac and Felix are two of my comrades from Golden Sun. Or rather, Felix wasn't my comrade until Golden Sun: The Lost Age. But I was the weakest of all of us, even after we joined Felix's team. Isaac, Felix, Garet, and Piers were big and mostly used broadswords. They were supposed to be stronger. Jenna used light blades like I do, but she far outclassed me. Mia and Sheba were restricted to staffs and maces, but even they could hit harder then I could. Sheba, her Psynergy is identical to mine, but she was always the better of us. The only things that I excelled in were of little consequence."

"What's the big deal?" asked Navi. "Link can do everything better than me but fly, but I still find a way to make myself useful."

"You don't understand," replied Ivan. "You play a support role, and you do a wonderful job of it. But I was assigned a fighting role, and the others suffered because of it. There was an incident at the Jupiter Lighthouse, right before we our two teams joined forces."

* * *

_"All right everyone!" shouted the director. "The ledge gives out and Mia falls down. Then you three fight Agatio and Karst. I want you to lose, but make it look good! ACTION!"_

_Isaac, Garet, Ivan, and Mia proceeded walking along a ledge. All of a sudden, a large section of the ledge gave way behind them, and Mia fell to a small, isolated ledge below._

"_Mia!" shouted Garet, and he jumped down after her. He missed the platform and grabbed on with his right arm. Unfortunately, the force of the fall and sudden stop dislodged his shoulder. As his fingers started to slip, he quickly latched on with his left arm before his right arm fell completely limp at his side. Mia, who had landed safely, tried to pull Garet up, but lacked the strength to do so._

_Ivan sighed. Garet was always forgetting the scenes and acting on impulse. He and Isaac looked towards the director, who motioned for them to wing it. They turned towards Agatio and Karst who had just come out of a door in the Lighthouse._

"_What a dirty trick! Trapping Garet and Mia like that!" shouted Isaac, who was good at improv._

_Catching on, Karst countered, "We were only trying to catch one, but this is a nice surprise."_

_Agatio glared. "You complain, but would you still cry foul if you were fighting four on two?"_

"_We're not afraid of a fair fight, if that's what you mean," declared Ivan._

"_Ivan, are you sure?" asked Isaac._

_Ivan nodded and squared off with Karst as Isaac faced Agatio. Karst was a powerful Mars Adept, her flames shooting every which way. It was all Ivan could do to block and dodge. Soon, however, he failed to move out of the way of her Inferno._

_Isaac turned from Agatio. "Ivan! Are you okay!"_

_That was his undoing. Agatio lifted his hand to the sky and shouted, "RISING DRAGON!" A dragon comprised of flame shot out of the ledge from below Isaac with its jaws wide open. Isaac was carried high in the sky where the dragon shut its mouth and seared Isaac with the heat of a thousand wildfires. Heavily burned and beaten, Isaac crashed back into the ledge with crushing force.

* * *

_

"…After that, we reverted back to the script, more or less." Ivan sighed heavily. "Agatio and Karst said that they were greatly exhausted from the fight, but they hadn't even broken a sweat." Ivan buried his face in his knees. "I'm no good to anyone. If it had been Garet up there, he and Isaac would have put up a good fight, but I just let everyone down."

Link put his hand on Ivan's shoulder. "Come on, would the author have put you in here if you were worthless? Here, let's go back to the other room, and get the red flame. I'll shoot the pictures, and you can fight the bald ponytail guy, ok?" Ivan nodded slowly and got to his feet. Grabbing the Fairy's Bow, Link led the way out of the room.

With all three pictures pierced with an arrow, Poo popped out into the lower area. Ivan braced himself, his staff at the ready.

"What? Where's that Link guy?" demanded Poo. "I'm not here to fight a midget!" Ivan stood his ground silently. "Oh well, you'll be a warm-up. PSI Thunder Omega!"

A giant lightning bolt struck the ground near the corner. Another one struck the stairs, forcing Link and Navi to scramble for safety. "Don't get comfy! You can't direct where the lightning will go, it strikes at random," said Poo as a third bolt struck behind him.

"Maybe you can't," whispered Ivan. The fourth and final bolt struck directly at Ivan, but instead of moving, Ivan pointed two fingers upward and caught the lightning. Coursing it through his body, he directed the lightning out of his other two fingers, which were pointed directly at Poo. Poo managed to dodge, but the seed of doubt had been planted, and uncertainty filled his eyes.

"Alright, maybe I shouldn't take you lightly," muttered Poo. "Take this! PSI Starstorm Omega!" A barrage of star-shaped energy shot forward, threatening to cut Ivan to shreds.

"Cyclone!" shouted Ivan, grabbing the Cyclone Chip in his pocket. A small tornado circle around him, catching the stars and shooting them towards the ceiling. "My turn, Sonic Slash!" he cried as the brought his staff down in an arc. Three purple blades of wind shot out, one after the other, and crashed into Poo, knocking him down.

Ivan prepared to attack, but stopped when he noticed that Poo was rubbing his head and moaning. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the torch near the door ignited with red flame.

Link and Navi had descended the stairs and were attending to Poo. "What happened?" asked Poo in a daze. "We were in the Forest Temple, then a strange mist appeared. Next thing I know, I'm here."

"Your mind was taken over by Sephiroth," explained Link. "Ivan here broke the spell."

Poo got to his feet and bowed at Ivan. "I am in you debt, mighty magician. I wish that I could help you more, but I cannot leave this chamber. Please save my allies, for they have surely suffered the same fate I have. I wish you luck."

Link looked at Ivan, whose eyes were lit with his former confidence. "Don't worry, Poo," answered Ivan. "We'll take care of it. Come on Link, let's go."

The three proceeded to the next room, Navi slightly annoyed that no one had bother mentioning her.

_To be continued in The Deep Forest, Part Two_

-

Whew! Longer than I thought it would be. This chapter makes way more sense to Golden Sun fans, but I think the rest of you get the gist.

Anyway, most of the dungeons from now on will be multi-part chapters. This makes it easier on me as an author, and builds more suspense for you the readers.

Be on the look out. Within the next couple days, I shall release a Cameos of Time Christmas Special. I think this story is popular enough to warrant that kind of cheesy spin-off. Until then!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	14. The Deep Forest, Pt Two

Greetings again, my loyal fans! Sorry I haven't updated lately, work's been hectic. Some of you may have noticed that I posted the Cameos Christmas Special. Funny on how only one person has bothered reviewing. This displeases me, and thus, Floating Skull has devoured ten more souls.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull at last agrees! It truly is the most wonderful time of the year! The souls were plump with holiday cheer, and Floating Skull enjoyed every juicy bit!

B.B.: Dude! You're grossing me out here! Anyway, I spent the holidays with my friends at Titan's Tower.

Ght. Flx.: I be 'sizzlin with fellow pizzles at the grand sokizzle! I met a fizzle who now be my homie!

B.B.: Ghetto Felix says he went to a ghetto convention, where he met one of DRX9's associates, GhettoRaiderX8.

Yes he did. Now let us never speak of this again. In any case, some of you may have noticed a relation between Ghetto Felix and the character Felix from the last chapter. This is because Ghetto Felix is in fact a ghetto clone of Felix. To find out how this happened, read chapter 7 of my Golden Sun story, Pointless Arguments.

Enough, enjoy the chapter, and review! Or else…

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!_

-

**Forest Temple**

"PSI Freeze Omega!" shouted Paula as she unleashed an icy wave against Link and Ivan. Link used Din's Fire to nullify the attack while Ivan used Whirlwind to deflect it towards a wall. Navi hid safely within Link's hat.

"You two are trickier than I thought," growled Paula. "But I know how to deal with you!"

"Bring it!" shouted Link. Behind him, Ivan readied his staff.

"PSI Magnet Omega!" Strange streams of light shot out of Link and Ivan and into Paula. Within seconds, Link could feel its effects.

"My magic!" he exclaimed. "It's gone!"

"My Psynergy's gone too!" agreed Ivan. "She must've drained it!"

"I'm not done yet! Shield Beta!" Silver light wrapped around Paula, making her glow slightly.

"What's she doing?" asked Link.

"One way to find out!" Ivan rushed up and struck the side of Paula's head with his staff. As she was knocked down, Ivan too felt a sharp blow to his head. He cried in agony and looked around. Seeing no one, he retreated to Link's side.

"Ivan, what's wrong?" asked Navi from her hiding spot.

"I'll tell you what's wrong," replied Paula. "My Shield Beta cuts all physical damage to me in half. But half of the damage that is dealt is reflected onto the attacker. And don't even bother with projectiles!" she added, seeing Link draw his bow. "Same problem!"

"How can we beat her without getting pummeled," asked Ivan, still nursing the side of his head.

"We've got to play smart," answered Link. "I've only got six hearts left, and I forgot to stock up on faeries before coming here."

"What about the faeries in the mini-boss chamber?" inquired Navi.

"The jars were broken during the fight, and the faeries fled. Anyway, listen up." Link drew closer to Ivan and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Distract her for a few minutes, I've got a plan."

Ivan nodded and ran past Paula, stopping about ten feet on her other side. "Hey Paula! Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"So it could DIE! PSI Fire Omega!" ravaging flames flew from her body and streamed towards Ivan. Luckily, Ivan had trained long and hard with Garet, a Mars Adept, to dodge fire, and his training paid off once again. He effortlessly weaved in and out of the spewing flames, but he was gasping for air as the last fire died down. Grasping for ideas, he made an observation.

"Hey, how come you only used a Beta move for your PSI Shield?" he asked.

"Shield!" scorned Paula. "Not PSI Shield! That's for PSI attacks, while Shield is for physical." Ivan smiled; he had gotten her riled up. "And to answer your question, Shield Omega does the same thing, but hits all my party members. As I am fighting alone, Beta sufficed. No need to waste my PP needlessly."

"PP?" asked a confused Ivan. "You have that?!"

"Yes, of course I…" Paula gasped as she realized what Ivan meant. In a fury, she rushed over to Ivan and slapped him hard, sending him flying. "PP stands for Psychic Points you pervert! Now you die for sure this time! PSI…"

But she never got a chance to finish as Link began running around her with a chain. Upon observation, Ivan noticed that it was the Hookshot, and that the tip had been planted firmly in the ceiling. Within seconds, Paula was bound.

"This means nothing!" she screeched. "I don't need to move to use my PSI!"

"I know," agreed Link. Before Paula could act, Link stuck a pair of headphones on Paula's head and turned on the CD Player it was connected to. Paula began screaming incessantly. With his free hand, Link plugged one of his ears, while Ivan and Navi were able to do both. After about a minute, though it seemed like hours to the listeners, Paula passed out, and the torch flared up with the blue flame.

"What was on that CD?" asked Ivan, rubbing his temples in an attempt to ease his headache.

"Nails on a chalkboard," replied Link as he removed the headphones.

"Nails on a…why on Earth do you have that?" demanded Ivan.

"Look, it's a long story," replied Link. "And trust me, it's not that interesting. Let's just say it came up once."

Ivan sighed. "Whatever."

"She's coming to," announced Navi.

Paula groaned and opened her eyes. "What happened? Where are the others?" Link quickly filled her in on the doings of Sephiroth and the battle that had just taken place. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! Here, take these Magic Truffles." She reached into her back and produced two strange looking truffles. "They'll restore your magic."

Link and Ivan both accepted a truffle. They had a strange, if not unpleasant taste to them. The two warriors felt their magical energy refill in a rush. They thanked Paula and proceeded onward.

After some complications with the twisted rooms, Link and co. finally reached the room with the portrait of Jeff. After solving the block puzzle, Jeff appeared, surrounded by many machines. "So, you finally made it. I knew Poo and Paula would not be able to stop you. I've told them many times that science is far superior to their Psychic powers, and now I shall prove it!" He laughed loudly.

Link began to move, but Ivan held him back. Giving Link a look that told him to stay put, Ivan calmly walked up to Jeff. "I agree, science is truly a great force, but your machines all share the same flaw."

"Oh," said Jeff cynically. "And what might that be?"

Throwing his hands up in the air, Ivan shouted, "Plasma!" Four or five bolts of purple lightning struck his machines, causing them to short circuit.

Jeff frantically tried to stop it, but the machines inevitably exploded. Link and Ivan quickly fled the room, returning only when the noise died down. Inside, smoldering remains littered the room, and Jeff's body lay twitching on the ground. The green flame graced the torch once more.

"Damn," muttered Jeff as Link and Ivan tended to his wounds. "That never happened on Earthbound. I hope we never are forced to fight like that again, but I'll be ready all the same."

"That was disturbingly easy," remarked Link as the left the room.

"We had a lucky break, but normally, he's a force to be reckoned with," replied Ivan. "He has a machine that stuns enemies, one that blocks magic, and another that drains health." He ticked these off on his fingers. "But worst of all are his bottle rockets. Two or three of his Multi-Bottle Rockets can bring down some of the later bosses."

"How do you know all this?" asked Navi.

"The author wrote a fic awhile back where Jeff got the powers of Spiderman. It was a stupid, silly fic, but I was introduced as a muse in the fourth chapter, so it's not all bad," concluded Ivan. "Well, third chapter really. The first chapter consisted of nothing but a theme song."

"I'm glad this guy stopped being so stupid with his stories," commented Navi.

"Yes," agreed Ivan. "If this story had turned out like Spider-Jeff, we'd all be in trouble."

The trio re-entered the central room to find Ness awaiting them. Link smirked. "No trouble, I fought this guy plenty on Super Smash Bros. Just don't give him time for the PK Flash!"

Ness smirked. "That statement alone shows how little you know. You never did take the time to play Earthbound, did you?" Link shook his head. "Of the abilities I displayed in Smash Bros., I am only capable of PK, or PSI Flash. And I require no warm-up time. PSI Flash Omega!"

A brilliant flash overtook the room. Link tried to shut his eyes, but was unable to do so in time. He felt an overwhelming sensation overtake him, and tears started pouring out of his eyes. He tried to stop put he just kept crying. Through his blurred vision, he looked at Ivan to find him standing there, completely still. It was as though he was a life-sized statue. Link tried to assist Ivan, put felt a small object fly into the back of his head. Ignoring the new spurt of tears this caused, Link turned around to see Navi flying right at him.

Link ducked to the right and allowed Navi to fly right over him. "Navi!" he called. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she replied. "I feel really strange, and I just can't help myself." Navi rushed towards Ivan, hitting him square in the chest. Ivan tilted backwards, but not enough to fall. He swung back forward, this time with enough force to topple over, right on top of Navi. Screaming, she tried to flee, but wasn't fast enough to avoid getting caught under Ivan's torso.

Link turned back towards Ness and charged. At least, he thought he did. In reality, he ran headlong into one of the short, torch bearing walls. He crashed into it, the corner cutting into his chest. He fell over backwards, while trying to back away.

Ness walked over to Link and sneered over him. "This is really all you have? I would expect an adversary such as yourself to be immune to the PSI Flash. Oh well, I suppose with the author that orchestrated this story can't be bothered with little details like that. And now, for the finishing touch!" His eyes shut and he fell silent. Link felt a massive power began to surge.

"LINK!" came Ivan's voice. Link looked over at him. It was hard to tell, but it appeared that Ivan had turned his head towards Link, and was using every last bit of his strength just to talk. "Don't…let…him…" Ivan tried to finish, but his energy was exhausted.

Luckily, Link got the gist. He closed his eyes to prevent his blurred sight from misleading him. Instead, he focused with his mind, and gauged Ness's height and distance from him. Climbing to his feet, he struck Ness's head with the flat side of his sword. Ness dropped his pose and stumbled back, his energy dissipating. Quickly, Link jabbed the butt of his sword into Ness's gut. Ness's hands flew to the impact point, but he lost consciousness and fell forward. The fourth torch was relit with the purple flame.

Link stumbled over to Ivan and pried Navi out from under his body. Fortunately, the force of Ivan's body crashing into hers had rid her of her strange feeling. She flew over to Ness and tried to awaken him.

After several minutes, Ness finally opened his eyes. After noticing Link and Ivan, he rushed over to them and used his PSI Healing Delta. Link's eyes finally dried up, while Ivan's body regained feeling. The team thanked Ness and took the elevator down to the bottom floor.

"So," began Link. "What was that thing Ness was about to do?"

"His most powerful ability," answered Ivan. "He calls it PSI Rockin."

"Ok," said Link. "And that is...?"

"An extremely powerful non-elemental attack," explained Ivan. "He never used it in Smash Bros. so it's no surprise you never saw it. I found out about it in that fic I mentioned earlier."

The trio fell silent as the elevator arrived at the ground floor. After solving the riddle of the rotating room, the team entered the boss chamber. Proceeding up the circular steps, Link and co. saw a large, spider-like machine. Standing next to it was a short, fat kid.

"Hahahahaha!" laughed the fat kid. "You've finally arrived! I was almost worried that those puppets were too much for you."

"Who is this guy?" muttered Link.

"He's another Earthbound native," replied Ivan. "His name's Pokey. He used to be Ness's best friend until the Giygas incident. Pokey turned on Ness and sided with Giygas. He used this Spider-Mech during the final battle. In the game, anyway. In real life, he's just been jealous of Ness's popularity, while everyone hated him."

"Hrmph!" snorted Pokey. "Spurn me all you want! With Sephiroth backing me, this world is toast!" He leapt into his Spider-Mech, let the protective glass dome cover him, and started it up.

**Crazy Kid With Guns  
****HEAVILY-ARMED POKEY**

Ivan began by firing a Sonic Slash at Pokey. Unfortunately, when it approached, a force field appeared in front of Pokey's mech, blocking his attack. Link charged, but was beaten back by a barrage of lasers.

"Great," muttered Link. "Twenty seconds in, and I'm already out of ideas."

"Fools!" shouted Pokey. "There's no way you can penetrate my force field!" He pressed a button, and a gas started leaking out of a vent in the mech. The team was overtaken by a horrid odor.

"What…is…that?" stammered Link, trying to wave it away. "Poison?"

"No," gasped Navi. "It's flatulence."

"Feel the stench of Pokey's bean burrito!" laughed the obese boy, glad to finally be able to expel his gas.

"Cyclone!" shouted Ivan. A twister of wind blew the stench away. It leaked out through whatever ventilation system these temples must realistically have.

"Hey, Link," said Ivan after he stopped coughing. "You notice how his force field only covers his front side? Maybe he's unprotected in the back?"

"Unlikely," countered Navi. "He doesn't think we can get back there, so he's diverting full power to the front side. If he wises up, he'll be sure to spread out the effect."

"What are you insects whispering about down there?!" screamed Pokey. He fired another volley of lasers. In the time he spent dodging, however, Link had an idea.

"Ivan," he said quietly once the lasers ceased. "Focus lightning onto this arrow." He held out an arrow.

Ivan nodded. "Ray," he whispered. Lightning crackled from his hand and shot onto the arrow. Link then used his secret technique to bind the element to the arrow. Drawing his bow, Link strung the arrow and aimed directly at Pokey.

Pokey glared. "_What's he up to?_" he thought. "_He's aiming at me, but his eyes dart back and forth._" Pokey broke from his thoughts and prepared his lasers when Link veered to the left and fired his arrow straight into the wall. Pokey almost laughed until he felt a large electrical force consume his mech. Looking back, he saw the arrow jammed in the mech's backside. "But…how!?" he stammered.

"Simple, the paintings in this room are still functional, like in the fight with Phantom Ganon," explained Link. "Only this time, I used the portal to teleport my arrow, and all its velocity, directly behind you."

"Curse you!" shouted Pokey. "I'll be back! If there's ever a Cameos of Time 2, I will return and exact my vengeance!" At that point, the mech fell to pieces, and Pokey disappeared in a flash of light.

"You know, I didn't expect one hit to kill him," Navi commented.

"It's best not to question these things," replied Ivan.

Picking up the Heart Container, Link and co. stepped into the circle of light.

_Link's Health_  
xxxxxxxxxx  
xxx

**Chamber of Sages**

Link, Ivan, and Navi appeared on the central platform. Another light shone onto the Forest icon, and Starfire dropped down.

"Welcome, friend Link," said she. "It fills my heart with joy to know that you are okay. You have freed the Forest Temple from Sephiroth's grip, and have awakened me as the Sage of Forest. I present you with the Forest Medallion." Link looked up and saw the large, green medal descend into his arms. "Go now, the other regions of Hyrule need your help."

Link nodded. "I'm on it. I promise you, I will not fail."

"_We_ will not fail," interjected Ivan.

Link smiled. "Yes, we."

As the white light overtook them, the trio heard Starfire's voice wishing them luck.

-

Well, there it is. Another dungeon down.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is filled with disgust! This chapter did nothing but shamelessly promote puny author's first story, Spider-Jeff.

B.B.: You're just mad cuz he told everyone how Ness wailed on you!

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle yo!

In any case, please read and review not only on this, but on the Cameos Christmas, or any other of my wonderful fanfictions. I believe Numdenu's already familiar with Pointless Arguments. Just click on my author name, and away you go!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!_


	15. The Return of Seymour

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've had a hard time motivating myself.

Flt. Sk.: Puny mortal author makes pitiful excuses to cover up his own ineptitude!

B.B.: I could turn myself into a snail and still be faster than DRX9.

Ght Flx: Sizzle pizzle wizzle is up the fo'shezzy in the popeezy!

B.B.: Dude, I have no idea what that guy just said.

Well, while we try to decipher Ghetto Felix's speech, I have an announcement to make. Some guys (I forget their names, except for LostinHyrule) had a contest for the best Zelda fics, and Cameos of Time made Best Crossover. They plan on putting all the winning fics into a C2 Community. We've finally made the big time! I'd like to thank any of you that voted, and everyone else for making Cameos of Time such a big success, the most successful story I've ever written!

I would also like to thank my muses: Floating Skull, Beast Boy, Ghetto Felix, and a very special shout out to Ivan, who's been a real good sport about this whole thing. But mostly, I want to thank me. I rock! I really rock! If you look up awesome in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of my face next to it!

In any case, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's 70 percent less threatening than a jar of cheese!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Kokiri Forest**

"All right Ivan," began Link. He, Ivan, and Navi had sat down for a quick rest in the Great Deku Tree's meadow. The Deku Tree Sprout had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly. "I want to ask you a question."

"Shoot," replied Ivan nonchalantly.

"When we met, you introduced yourself as a Jupiter Adept. At the time, I didn't really care, but back in the temple, those two guys called themselves Venus Adepts, and after I used Din's Fire, one of them accused me of being a Mars Adept." He paused for breath. "Simply put, what the heck are Adepts?"

Ivan took a deep breath. "In the game, Golden Sun, there are people who are blessed with certain powers. I won't bore you with the minor details, but the power is called Psynergy. We Adepts use Psynergy to affect the world around us mentally, sort of like the Psychic, or PSI, powers that Ness and his friends employ."

"Okay," agreed Link. "But what about the names Jupiter and such?"

"I was getting to that," replied Ivan irritably. Calming himself, he continued. "There are four types of Adepts, each controls a different element: earth, fire, wind, and water. Venus Adepts control earth, fire is wielded by Mars Adepts, Jupiter Adepts dictate the Wind, and Water is heralded by Mercury Adepts."

Link nodded in comprehension. "Well, if you see anymore of your friends trying to kill us, let me know."

Ivan opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the sound of an enormous explosion coming from the direction of Kokiri Forest. Link and Ivan hastily gathered up their gear and rushed out of the meadow.

When they got to the village, they saw nothing out of the ordinary. All of the houses were completely intact, though the streets were deserted, as the Kokiri were huddled up in their homes. A shadow fell over the forest as they tried to find the source of the noise.

Link shrugged and started off towards Hyrule Field when he felt a tugging at his sleeve. Turning around, he saw Ivan gaping at the sky. Link grunted in annoyance and turned his eyes skyward and gasped.

A beast of incomprehensible proportions covered the sky above the forest, easily large enough to allow thousands of people to stand on its back without being crowded. It was long, almost ovular. It had no feet or arms, but it had two great wings, one on either side of its body. Its hind end was still beyond the trees, out of Link's eyesight.

Link continued gaping at the beast, but something was nagging his mind, as if he'd seen the beast somewhere before. Surely he'd never fought anything this big. Suddenly, memories of a conversation from seven years prior resonated in his head. _"To destroy Hyrule, to heal Hyrule, I shall become…"_

"SIN!" bellowed Link at the top of his lungs. Ivan nodded in understanding, not speaking because his fear grew with each passing second. The beast was indeed the infamous Sin from Final Fantasy X, the scourge of the world of Spira.

"This is Seymour's plan!?" exclaimed Navi, peeking out from underneath Link's hat.

"How can we fight something this big?" inquired Ivan, unable to stop shivering.

"We have no choice," said Link determinably.

"Maybe I can help," said a voice from the team's left. A lone female Kokiri stepped out of the House of Twins. "I've beaten Final Fantasy X. You have to defeat the Sinspawn on Sin's back, then allow it to consume you."

"Who's she?" whispered Ivan.

"She's an extra hired by Nintendo," muttered Link.

"My name is Susan!" exclaimed the Kokiri. "Just because we're nameless NPC's doesn't mean we don't have feelings!" She snorted and stormed off.

Before Link could respond, a strange noise emanated from above. The team looked upwards to see Sin gathering energy in front of its face. It gathered into a huge ball, which fired far to the east, into the unexplored forest. After several seconds, a large explosion sounded from beyond the trees, along with a brilliant light that forced Link and Ivan to shield their eyes. Navi hid under Link's hat.

Though none of them could see it, there was now a crater one mile in diameter in the middle of the forest. However, they could easily perceive the voice that resounded through the village, which they identified as Seymour's. "That was but a small taste of Sin's true power. I shall destroy the Hero of Time with ease and send my master into the real world, where he shall rule supreme!" This announcement was followed by a shrill laughter that echoed across not just the forest, but all of Hyrule.

"It figures that Seymour would align himself with Sephiroth," said Navi with a nasty tone.

Link shook to rid himself of the shock and tried to think. "Let's pretend for a moment that we're going to follow Susan's plan, how are we going to get up there?"

"If we could find Marvin the robot, he could fly us up there," suggested Ivan.

Navi shook her head. "Wouldn't work, Marvin only shows up once when Link's an adult, and we don't speak to him."

"When was that again?" inquired Link. "I lose track."

"It's when Sheik teaches you the Requiem of Spirit," answered Navi. "Besides, even if we could find Marvin, I doubt he would actually help us out. Remember how he ditched us at Death Mountain?"

Resigned, the trio sank into deep thought. They stood there for minutes on end, until a loud roar came from above. Link braced himself for an attack from Sin, but was surprised to see that the source of the roar was a great blue dragon. It was circling above them, lowering itself as if to land. From what he could tell, the dragon was about the size of King Dodongo. Its hide was a deep sapphire blue, and it flew with a grace that gave Link the impression of a female. Still, he drew his sword, as he didn't know whether or not the dragon was a threat.

After a brief moment, the dragon landed with a thud and stirred up clouds of dust. The dust cleared to reveal a person riding the dragon. His face was pale and his eyes were slanted. Link noted that the man's ears reached a point, much like his own.

The man climbed down the dragon's side and walked over to Link. "Sheath your sword," said the man. "For I am a friend."

"Your name," commanded Link, not lowering his sword an inch.

The man noted Link's stance and nodded with respect. "I see you don't like to trust strangers. I can't say I blame you. My name is Eragon, and I am a Dragon Rider. Behind me stands my dragon Saphira. We were sent by the author to lend a hand in this dire situation."

"Of course!" exclaimed Ivan, his voice full of understanding. "Nothing like this happens in the game, so the canon here is weak."

"Ivan, you know this guy?" asked Link, sword still drawn.

"You don't!?" replied Ivan with surprise. "That's Eragon Shadeslayer. He's from the Inheritance Trilogy, a series of books written fairly recently."

Link relaxed and sheathed his sword. "Shadeslayer, huh? What's a Shade, anyway?"

"To make a long tale short, a Shade is a man possessed by powerful spirits," answered Eragon.

"Interesting," responded Link. Then, abandoning all pleasantries, he asked, "Can your beast carry three people?"

"_My name is Saphira,_" came a voice. Link looked at the dragon before he realized that Saphira had spoken directly into his mind. "_You would do well to remember that, human,_" she added with an air of distaste.

Link bowed low to Saphira. "My apologies, mighty Saphira. In all my travels, I have met many evil dragons, but only one good. His name was Valoo, from the Wind Waker, and the only thing of consequence that he did was blow fire in Ganondorf's face. Which I have to admit, was pretty awesome, if ineffective."

"_Your ignorance will be forgiven,_" replied Saphira. "_This time…_" she added as an afterthought.

Nodding, Link turned back to Eragon. "I don't believe I've introduced myself yet. I am Link, known as the Hero of Time." He turned to indicate Ivan. This is my faithful ally and powerful wind mage, Ivan."

"It is my pleasure," responded Ivan with a bow.

"And this," said Link. He swept his hat off his head. "…Is my fairy partner, Navi."

Navi flew off of Link's head and over to Saphira. She examined the dragon for a full minute before flying back to her resting place. "She'll do," muttered Navi, loud enough for Eragon and Saphira to hear.

Eragon chuckled pleasantly. "To answer your earlier question: no. I'm afraid that Saphira can only fly two of us up there efficiently."

"Don't worry, I'll stay behind," volunteered Ivan. "I'll see if I can't get the Kokiri to evacuate to the remains of the Great Deku Tree. It might not help, but it's all I can do."

"I'll stay, too," said Navi. "The Kokiri won't listen to a stranger without a fairy."

Link nodded. "Thank you, my friends. Ocarina of Time might not be reality, but I've been here often enough to think of this forest as my home. I will allow no harm to come to it!" He turned back to Eragon. "Let's go!"

**Sin**

After climbing aboard Saphira and settling themselves in her saddle, she took off with a speed that Link was unused to. He tried to adjust, but it proved difficult, as his stomach tried to be in every part of his body at once. When Eragon started up a conversation, Link was glad to have something to distract him.

"I notice your ears are pointed," said Eragon, his tone not betraying the fact that they were flying into battle. "Are you an elf?"

"I'm no elf," replied Link. "But as to what I am, not sure. The writers at Nintendo have been very vague with exactly what I am. I'm a Hylian, though the details on what that is are very obscure. Some fans believe us to be inheritors of the goddess's powers. Others think we're simply the chosen people. But I'm not really sure, and I'm in the middle of it!"

"I am a human," said Eragon, answering an unasked question. "My body has gradually changed to resemble an elf's, but the change became drastic at the elves' Blood-Oath Ceremony."

"What's that?" asked Link.

"It's a celebration of the pact made between dragons, elves, and humans several centuries ago."

Link wanted to ask more, but held his tongue as Saphira landed on Sin's enormous back. He and Eragon barely had time to dismount before they were attacked by a swarm of large blue bugs. They seemed to originate from out of nowhere. Link recognized them from the early scenes of Final Fantasy X as Sinscales. He and Eragon quickly drew their swords to combat their foes. Though each Sinscale came up to a man's torso, they were weak and quickly dispatched. Unfortunately, their numbers were great, and Link soon felt himself overwhelmed.

"Any ideas?" he shouted over the swarm to Eragon.

Before Eragon could answer, Saphira's voice resounded in their heads. "_Leave this to me!_" She took to the air and landed about twenty feet behind them. She then roared and let loose a mighty breath of fire straight into the air. The Sinscales all stopped in their tracks, then turned and rushed towards Saphira, completely ignoring Link and Eragon. "_Like moths to a flame,_" said Saphira with grim humor. She then proceeded to slaughter the drastically outmatched Sinscales.

"I guess they consider her to be the bigger threat," suggested Link.

Eragon smirked. "Wise assessment, but leaving us unattended was a big mistake."

Link looked into the distance. Without the Sinscales blocking his vision, he could make out something in the distance. He pointed this out to Eragon, who thought it was worth checking. They sheathed their swords and proceeded.

After several minutes, they got close enough to examine it. It was a large creature embedded into Sin's back. At the end of each of its two arm-like appendages were three long tentacles. Link recognized it immediately as a Sinspawn, a creature born from Sin. This one in particular was known as Sinspawn Genais. Behind it, on the side of one of the ridges on Sin's back, was a large green dome.

Sinspawn Genais lifted its tentacles high into the air, then brought them down quickly. Link and Eragon were able to side step the tentacles, but instead of raising again, two of the tentacles wrapped around one of each of their legs, and knocked them to the ground. Link groaned, the refocused his vision to see two tentacles rushing right at him. He raised his shield, hoping that it would hold.

But before they struck, Eragon shouted, "_Malthinae_!" The tentacles, all six of them, froze. Without asking why, Link freed his leg and climbed to his feet. He leapt at Sinspawn Genais with his sword drawn, and with one fell swoop, severed its upper body. Sinspawn Genais fell to the ground, writhing in agony for a moment, then fell silent.

Link turned to find Eragon already on his feet. "Don't ask me why," said he. "But I get the feeling we need to take out this dome. Any thoughts?"

Eragon opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, Saphira swooped in with a roar. With a single strike from her mighty claw, she shattered the green dome. In the next instant, a gigantic explosion filled their ears. Link and Eragon cover their ears with their hands while Saphira landed and used her wings. Link wondered what could create an explosion that large until he realized that the sound wasn't an explosion at all; it was the sound of Sin roaring in agony. When the sound subsided, Link saw Eragon motioning for him to climb aboard Saphira.

They flew down the length of Sin. As they did, Eragon explained how he stopped the tentacles. He can use magic by speaking words in the Ancient Language and expending his own energy. 'Malthinae' meant 'to bind or hold in place'.

As they passed Sin's head, Saphira turned to face it. Its head reminded Link of an alligator's. It opened its mouth and began to suck them in. Saphira struggled to escape, until Link had Eragon direct her straight into Sin's mouth.

As she flew into the mouth of the gargantuan creature, Link felt his grip on reality slipping. It was if his consciousness had been spread out amongst several dimensions. For a full minute, he felt as if he was everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. During this, the only constant was Seymour's ghostly façade, leering over them as a nobleman might view a peasant.

**Sea of Sorrow**

Suddenly, Link's focus shot back to normal, and he found himself returned to Saphira's back. She was flying over a sea covered with an unyielding mist. Without a word, Eragon urged Saphira onward until they saw a pedestal in the midst of the sea. It was several yards in height and towered over the mist. In the middle of the platform stood Seymour, smug as ever. Though it seemed he had traded Mido's costume for his classic blue robes.

Saphira landed on the edge of the platform and her riders dismounted. They drew their blades and stood facing Seymour, who stood with his eyes closed.

"I see the hero has arrived," said Seymour with a calm demeanor. "And he brought friends. But he left poor Ivan down all by himself. He could quickly be destroyed." He opened his eyes and scanned his opponents. When Link refused to rise to Seymour's bait, he continued. "The author spurned me, giving me a lesser role when it is I who should have replaced Ganondorf! Thankfully, his choice was wise enough to recognize my power and give me what I deserve. When we reach the real world, Sephiroth will momentarily drop his guard, allowing me to usurp his power! Then, all will bow to me or be destroyed!" Seymour began laughing, a low, silent laugh that gradually gained volume.

"I've had about enough of you!" exclaimed Link, breaking his silence. "All you do is make cryptic threats and trick others into doing your dirty work! And how do you do that thing with your hair?! Do you know how much work they put into making my hair look like this?" He took off his hat to indicate his hair. "Three hours! Every morning! They gave up by the time Wind Waker rolled around, but they started back up for Twilight Princess. They perfected new methods that only take two hours, but still! You've been pissing me off since the first time I spoke to you!" Link finished his speech and replaced his hat onto his head, though by then he was taking deep breaths.

"Feel better?" asked Eragon with a touch of sarcasm.

"Yeah, a little."

"Enough!" cried Seymour. "Prepare for my true power!"

Without waiting for him to strike, Saphira lunged forward, teeth bared. Seymour smirked. "I've dealt with Bahamut, the King of Dragons! You're not fit to lick his claws! Death awaits you!" He shot a blast of light that his Saphira square on, knocking her over the edge.

"Saphira!" cried Eragon. He turned to make for the edge, but Seymour preempted him by casting Blizzaga. Link blocked most of it with Din's Fire, but they still felt the icy chill.

"Nice work, now try this!" Seymour cast Firaga, sending raging flames towards them. Eragon quickly cast a spell, _Skolir nosu fra brisingr_ (Shield us from fire). The fire was kept at bay, but the force of keeping the spell in place left Eragon panting. Seymour's sneer widened. "You're pathetic! Even if you form a counter-attack, my advanced mind will easily see through it and destroy it!"

Eragon moved close to Link. "You notice how he doesn't move around a lot?" he muttered.

Link nodded. "He's gifted with magic, but he's not very agile." He gritted his teeth. "If Ivan were here, he could use Force to thrust me through Seymour's defenses. As it is…"

"Leave that to me," said Eragon, cutting Link off. "We better do it quickly."

"He's bound to cast something powerful, stand behind me and shield yourself." As Link said it, Seymour cast his most powerful spell, Ultima. A huge orb of non-elemental power spread in all directions.

Wasting no time, Eragon stepped behind Link and called, "_Thrysta_! (Thrust)". Link shot forward with his Hylian Shield in front.

The spell hit him full on, slowing him and tearing through his health. As Link closed the distance, his shield shattered, leaving nothing but his arm to guard him with. Ultima tore through the skin and began making mush of his muscles. Link gritted his teeth and pressed on.

"No!" cried Seymour. "You can't…! Nothing can break through Ultima!"

"I guess that makes me nothing then!" retorted Link as he finally bridged the gap. Seymour tried to cast Protect, but Link was too quick. He used the Master Sword to strike Seymour, clear across the face. Dripping with blood, Seymour stumbled backwards.

All of a sudden, the platform began shaking. A large chunk of it tore out from below Seymour, sending him tumbling to the sea below. Link knew that he would likely share the same fate unless he hurried and escaped, but he simply couldn't hold on. The pain overwhelmed him as he lost consciousness. The last thing he was aware of was of a pair of arms catching him as he fell. Then all was nothing.

-

I'm finally done with this chapter! I like it but it was so annoying to write.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is annoyed at puny mortal author. You should be proud to work alongside Floating Skull.

B.B.: Dude! I love Eragon. I just saw the movie in theaters the other week. It was totally awesome.

Ght. Flx.: Man! The big sizzles no pizzle with the sokizzle!

B.B.: What do you mean the movie's not as good as the book? It was great! But maybe I'll read the book just to prove you wrong! Nah, too much work. I'll get Raven to summarize it for me.

In any case, this chapter is the most un-canon chapter we'll have for awhile. At least until we get to Sephiroth, then all hell will break loose. I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I'll see you in a little bit.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	16. The Mountain Master's Son

Once again, I find it hard to motivate myself. And it's you, the reader, that's suffering because of it. I'd like to apologize for my continued tardiness. Looking back, I'd also like to apologize for the shameless self-promotion of Chapter 14.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull feels great anger at author for pointing out failures of Floating Skull! To the eyes of mortals, Floating Skull should seem impervious!

Yeah, right. But to make up for it, I've decided to add a new feature. I've been thinking about my readers and realized that when they're not reading and reviewing Cameos of Time, they're out there living their own life with their own problems. And some problems are hard to solve without a neutral third party. That's why I've decided to force Floating Skull to answer your questions. They can seek answers to deep problems, or simply ask about Floating Skull's personal life.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull loathes you pathetic mortals, but is obligated to obey puny mortal author.

Just add a question during your review, and it will be answered at the end of the next chapter.

**WARNING! **Solutions given by Floating Skull may cause serious injury, loss of soul, or even death. Please use at your own discretion.

B.B.: Dude! Are you sure that Floating Skull should be the one helping people with their problems? He's pure evil!

Ght. Flx: Holla!

Well, normally I'd get Ivan to do it, but he's busy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's meant mostly as a brief humorous interlude that forwards the story somewhat. Enjoy!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul!!!_

-

Link groaned as he opened his eyes. He was lying in a bed inside of a familiar house. Unfortunately, he just couldn't seem to remember when he had been here before.

Suddenly, the details of his last conscious moments came flooding back to him. He looked down at his right arm to assess the damage and gasped. It was whole! A few scars riddled it, but otherwise it was perfectly fine.

"Oh good, you're awake," came a voice as the door to the house opened. Link's gaze shot to meet the eyes of Alphonse Elric.

**Kakariko Village**

Hours later, Link finally filled in the blanks thanks to Ivan, who had went with Edward to purchase a new Hylian Shield. After Seymour fell and Link lost consciousness, Eragon grabbed his body and escaped on Saphira, who had survived Seymour's attack. Sin recoiled for a moment before bursting in a flash of brilliant light.

"After he landed, Eragon used some of that magic of his to heal your arm," concluded Ivan. "Since the muscles and bones were more or less intact, it wasn't too hard. At least, that's what he said."

"So where's Eragon now?" asked Link.

"He stayed behind in the Forest region. Canon or no, we think that Sephiroth might try to reclaim the Forest Temple for his own. But he'll have serious trouble with Eragon there guarding it."

"Well, that's a relief," said Link with a sigh. "Come on, if we start now we can reach Goron City by nightfall."

"Oh, no," interjected Ed. "You're not going anywhere tonight. You need to recover from your excursions."

"What are you talking about?" replied Link incredulously. "I'm fit as a fiddle."

"You freed the Forest Temple and defeated Seymour all in one day. You need to rest," insisted Alphonse.

"Besides," said Ivan. "That temple pooped me out. I've never done that much work without Mia casting healing Psynergy on me."

"I'm with Ivan," agreed Navi. "We all need our rest."

"You guys are wusses. Come on, let's go." Link got up from the table to walk towards the door, but grabbed the edge of the table to balance himself as he felt his legs give out under him. "On second thought, I'm no good with a tired team. We'll rest tonight, for Ivan's sake." Everyone in the room laughed as he slumped back over in the chair.

"Hey, Alphonse," asked Navi after they finished laughing. "I was wondering, why are you always wearing that armor?"

A hushed silence fell over the Elric brothers. After a moment, Al replied, "I, uh, want to be ready for an attack. Yeah, that's it."

"But the demon's been sealed away," countered Ivan, suddenly interested in the conversation. "And according to Link, it won't break out until after we clear the Water Temple."

"That's true, I suppose," replied Al hesitantly. "But it's more than that. It's because…it's because…"

"Yes?" prompted Link.

"It's because he's naked in there!" exclaimed Ed quickly. Everyone present, including Alphonse, stared at him in shock. Then three sets of eyes looked him for confirmation.

For a second, he sat silent, then hastily replied, "That's right! The author didn't bother giving me any other clothing."

"Can't you just buy some clothing?" asked Ivan.

"Fat chance," snorted Ed. "I don't know if you've noticed, but Hyrule doesn't seem to have any clothing stores."

"That's no problem. I can just buy you a tunic at Death Mountain or Zora's Domain," suggested Link.

"N…no, don't go to the trouble…" started Al.

"It's no trouble," replied Link, cutting him off.

Edward thought quickly. "Yeah, but those tunics were designed to fit you. But Alphonse is a big guy. Won't work."

"How is he so big anyway," asked Link. "He's younger than you, and you're a shrimp."

_POW!_

Edwards metal fist slammed against Link's head. "I am not a shrimp! I am not so small you need a microscope to see me!"

"Funny," muttered Link. "I don't remember saying that." Everyone else laughed and Ivan's inquiry went forgotten.

The next day, Link and co. bid farewell to the Elrics and began climbing Death Mountain.

**Goron City**

"Whew! This place is emptier than when Felix got drunk and tried karaoke in Loho!" commented Ivan as they entered the abandoned city. "Where is everyone?"

"They were taken to the Fire Temple by the followers of Sephiroth," explained Navi.

"Shh!" shushed Link. "I hear something." He closed his eyes and listen. Then, without the slightest notice, he leapt off the edge of the ground onto the floor below with Navi close behind. "Halt!"

Ivan ran to the edge to see Link addressing what appeared to be a baby wearing a yellow shirt and red overalls, who promptly replied, "Who are you to tell me to halt! I am Stewie, son of the fat man!"

"So you're Peter's son, eh?" said Link, more of a statement than a question. "I am Link, the Hero of Time. Can you tell me where he is?"

"You're Link?!" asked a startled Stewie. "Hmm, I imagined you bigger. Nevertheless, the dog has told me about you. Very well, I shall tell you what has happened. Sephiroth came and issued an ultimatum. When the fat man insulted him, he had all of the Gorons imprisoned in the Fire Temple, in the care of a most devious servant that hides in the guise of a male adolescent. While I don't particularly care about the Gorons, my mother Lois, was also imprisoned. I cannot allow anything to destroy her unless I have a hand in it! And that fool Sephiroth refused to allow me into his army."

"You scare me," said Ivan, who had just jumped down from above. "And not just because you're a baby who can talk."

"Quiet you!" exclaimed Stewie. "I have no time to waste with your quibbling. I must plan my revenge on Sephiroth. Victory shall be mine! But as for you…" Stewie looked directly at Link. "You must go into the Fire Temple and free Lois, so that I may be the object of her demise! Use this Goron Tunic, it will help you."

"Thanks," replied Link, who had grown bored with Stewie's ranting. "Come on Ivan, Navi, let's go."

**Death Mountain Crater**

"Even with this tunic, it never gets any cooler in here," grunted Link. "Hey Ivan, how are you okay?"

"Well, the author's not a complete idiot," replied Ivan. "Before sending me here, he endowed me with the power to resist heat and breathe underwater. Also, I can sink in water at will."

"So basically what I can do with my gear," interpreted Link.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So, you're finally here," said a voice. The team turned to see Sheik looking at them.

"Sorry for the wait," replied Link with a shrug. "I had a little trouble back in the forest."

"So I saw," replied the masked figure. "All of Hyrule is talking about your victory. It's caused a significant raise in morale. However, the challenges ahead will tax you like never before."

"Yeah, yeah." Link waved it off with his hand. "Nothing we can't handle."

"But first, I shall teach you the Bolero of Fire." Withdrawing his harp, Sheik began to play a march, which was easily mimicked by Link. Upon finishing, he sheathed his harp once more. "Until we meet again, Hero of Time."

The trio's sight was blinded by the flash of Sheik's Deku Nut. With little left for them in the Crater, they proceeded onward.

**Fire Temple**

"Oh, Link! Thank God you're here!" cried Peter upon seeing his old friends. By his side stood Brian.

"It's good to see you again, too," replied Link, with Ivan and Navi nodding their agreement.

"We'll try and stop whoever the boss is," said Brian. "You guys free the Gorons. But be careful, the temple is treacherous, and foes lurk behind every corner."

As if on cue, Peter was charged by a large yellow blur. Peter caught the blur and proceeded to get into a fist fight with it. Upon closer inspection, the blur was a large yellow chicken. Or perhaps a man in a chicken suit. No one was really sure.

"Uh, do you think we should help?" asked Navi.

"Nah," responded Brian. "This happens from time to time. It's nothing to worry about. Get going, we'll handle things here."

Glancing at one another, the trio proceeds towards the inners of the temple, leaving Peter and the fighting chicken to duke it out in peace.

-

This wasn't a particularly interesting chapter. I apologize for it. But it's a necessary evil.

Flt. Sk.: Fool! The only necessary evil is Floating Skull!

B.B.: Yeah right! You aren't half as evil as Slade is!

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle the sizzlest pizzle be Agatio and Karst.

B.B.: Ghetto Felix says that Agatio and Karst are the evilest.

In any case, don't forget to post reviews with questions for Floating Skull. I'll make sure he answers them, though you may not like what you hear. Until next time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	17. The Raging Fire

Okay, let's get this party started!

Flt. Sk.: The only party Floating Skull wishes to partake of is funeral party of puny mortal author.

B.B.: Dude! That's kinda morbid, don't ya think?

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle, yous off the hizzle!

Well, speaking of Floating Skull, don't forget that at the end of this chapter, he'll answer the questions that you reviewers have sent forth.

Flt. Sk.: Bah! This feeble concept is nothing more than another attempt from the puny mortal author to receive more reviews! Which prevents Floating Skull from feeding on souls!

Yeah. Right. Ignoring that, you may have noticed that I slightly changed the name of chapter 16. I thought this name to be slightly more appropriate. In any case, please enjoy this latest chapter. It will make you feel like dancing.

B.B.: I wanna dance the night away!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Fire Temple**

The room resonated with the sounds of Peter and the Fighting Chicken trading blows. Their fists were strong and caused great pain, but neither one slowed down. Meanwhile, Link and co. freed the Goron who was imprisoned nearby. The Goron thanked them by giving them a small key.

Things were pretty much normal in the temple. Though they were slightly surprised when they reached the jail cell on the second floor. Instead of a Goron, it held Chris Griffin, Peter's other son.

"Help!" he cried. "You gotta get me out of here! The evil monkey's gonna get me!"

Link and Ivan shared exasperated glances. "Of course," said Link. "Well, we'll hurry. It will be some time though."

"Just hurry!" replied Chris. Link and co. walked on, but Chris turned to stare deep into his cage, where he saw a monkey with an evil expression pointing at him. He cowered in the corner and closed his eyes.

"So what's so special about this place," asked Ivan once they reached the next floor up.

"This is the Boulder Maze," replied Navi.

"Psh! No maze is too much for Ivan!" Ivan turned the next corner to get slammed into by a boulder.

"…so named because it's a maze full of boulders," concluded Navi, while Link bit back some laughter.

"Yeah," muttered Ivan. "I got that."

The trio freed two Gorons and acquired keys in thanks. They also crushed a Gold Skulltula hidden behind a wall. That settled, they exited via a door near where they entered. Moments later, they reemerged through another door on top of the maze. Link promptly cast Farore's Wind as a safe guard. They leapt over some gaps and bombed a crack in the floor to reveal a deep hole with a chain fence on the side. Climbing down, they soon came upon Chris's cell again.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here!" exclaimed Chris. "That evil monkey almost got me."

Ignoring this, Link stepped on the switch, opening the cage. Chris thanked Link again and ran off. After grabbing the key, Link and Ivan climbed back up to the third floor.

"Follow me," instructed Link. They leapt over to where they had entered.

"Now what?" asked Ivan.

"Just watch." Link played the Scarecrow's song, summoning Pierre the scarecrow on a platform floating above them. Putting his arm around Ivan, Link used his hookshot to latch on to Pierre, pulling them up. He then used it again to carry them over to another platform, which was in fact an elevator.

Passing through the fourth floor, they soon reached the top of the tower. "What's up with this place?" Ivan inquired.

"We're in a secret room," answered Link. "You see, there are two towers that sprout up from the third floor. This is the east tower, which is completely optional, though it does contain two Gold Skulltulas and a huge rupee. The west tower contains the Megaton Hammer. If you look into the pit in the center of the room, you'll see the bridge we crossed over earlier."

Ivan walked over and looked down. He could barely make out the stone bridge on the third floor through the haze caused by the heat. And though he couldn't see it, he knew that the wooden bridge on the first floor was far below that. "Okay, that's nice and all, but why are we still here? With that gigantic wallet you stole from the Wind Waker set, we still have over four thousand rupees, we don't need more money. So why aren't we heading back down yet?"

"We are," replied Link with a smile on his face. He reached forward and shoved Ivan into the pit. "See you at the bottom," Link said to Navi, and leapt down the pit himself.

Ivan was terrified. He could see the stone bridge, if he could only latch on to it. He reached out for it, but the effort was in vain, his fingers passed mere inches from the stone surface. He cursed and braced himself for impact.

Seconds later, he slammed into the wooden bridge like a ton of bricks. Amazingly, the bridge held, though it wobbled quite a bit. Wearily, he climbed to his feet. "Well, everything seems to be okay, considering I fell four stories. I wonder where that jerk Link is now." He looked up and gasped. Or at least he tried. His gasped was interrupted by Link slamming into him, causing the bridge to wobble even more.

"Hey, thanks for breaking my fall, Ivan!" exclaimed Link as he chuckled with glee.

"Are you crazy or something?!" raged Ivan as he climbed to his feet. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Jumping down four stories," replied Link, grin still plastered to his face. "I love doing that! I knew you wouldn't agree to it, so I helped you along."

"They have a word for people like you!" shrieked Ivan. "You're a masochist, you crazy son of a bitch!"

"Geez, lighten up, Ivan," said Link. "It's just a video game, after all."

"YOU'RE TELLING ME TO LIGHTEN UP!?" Ivan's voice had now surpassed the greatest of opera singers. "You haven't stopped complaining since we got here! Why do I always get stuck with the hard assignments? That stupid author could have used Beast Boy, or Floating Skull! Even Ghetto Felix! But no, out of all his muses, he had to choose me to help out the masochist! Now we have to climb up all over again!"

Link sighed. "You give me too little credit. Why do you think I cast Farore's Wind earlier?" He climbed to his feet and cast the spell again, causing him, Ivan, and Navi, who had just flown down, back to the warp point he had set above the Boulder Maze.

**Death Mountain Trail**

Marvin the robot was enjoying a leisurely flight around the mountain. Well, maybe 'enjoying' was a poor word choice.

"I don't even know why I'm flying," moaned the robot. "It's not like anyone cares. Maybe I should just fly into the volcano's magma." As he was pondering this, he flew by the ladder that led up to the peak. It was then that two things fell from the sky and grabbed onto him to keep from falling. "Oh great. As if my life wasn't bad enough."

Clinging onto Marvin, Peter and the Fighting Chicken used their free arms to exchange blows. Meanwhile, Marvin was quickly losing control of his flight.

**Fire Temple**

Link gasped for breath as he entered the room, dragging a heavily scorched Ivan behind him. "Damn it, Ivan," he cursed. "It's called the Fire Maze for a reason." Uncorking one of his bottles, he allowed one of his recently acquired fairies to heal Ivan's wounds. Once this was done, Link turned his attention back to the room he was in. It was in the center of the Fire Maze. It had no monsters or traps, but Link was concerned about the cage. He walked over to it to find a homely looking girl occupying it.

"Thank God!" cried the girl. "Finally someone came for me!"

"Who are you?" asked Ivan, who had come to his senses.

"I'm Meg Griffin. My dad is the chief of the Gorons for some reason or another," replied the girl.

"Well, sorry Meg, but we can't let you out until after I find the Megaton Hammer," said Link with his arm behind his head.

"And just how long will that take?" demanded Meg.

"No more than a few minutes, depending on the mini-boss," was Navi's response.

"Come on guys, let's go," called Link. Meg was saying something as they left, but they bore it no mind.

The trio quickly completed the Fire Maze, this time without severe burns. After breaking down the fake door, they found themselves in the mini-boss chamber. Inside stood a boy, an average looking boy. He wore a brown cap with goggles strapped around it, which covered his light brown hair. His pants were the same shade of brown as his cap. He had on a yellow shirt with a black symbol, over which he wore a red jacket.

"What are you doing here?" inquired Link casually.

"Well, nothing personal, but I got orders to stop you and destroy you if at all possible," replied the stranger in a laid-back tone. "By the way, name's Takuya."

"Is this guy serious?" muttered Ivan.

Link didn't answer. Instead, Stewie's words were echoing in his head. _"He had all of the Gorons imprisoned in the Fire Temple, in the care of a most devious servant that hides in the guise of a male adolescent."_ "Who are you, really?!" demanded Link.

"Just like I told you, I'm Takuya." He yawned. "But when push comes to shove, I've got a little something else up my sleeve." Without wasting any time, he drew a strange looking device from his pocket. "This is my D-Tector," he said with a smug look on his face.

"Which is what exactly?" asked Link. He was in no mood for games.

"It allows me to scan and release digital information," explained Takuya. "But it also has another neat function." Before Link or the others could respond, Takuya formed a ring of energy around his hand. "This is a fractal code. My own fractal code, in fact. Just watch what happens when I scan it with my D-Tector." He raised the device over to the code and proceeded with the scanning. "Execute…Spirit Evolution!"

The fractal code surrounding his hand released from its cycle and wrapped itself around Takuya. Seconds later, they heard him shout out, "Agunimon!" and as he did, the fractal code disappeared to reveal that Takuya had completely transformed. Wearing red armor across his body and the upper part of his face, he was much taller. He emanated a sense of power that was absent before. He had two horns, each shot straight out to the side of his head for about a foot, then curved upwards at a right angle for six more inches. From out of the back of his helmet sprouted a thick mane of bright yellow hair.

"Now I recognize this guy!" exclaimed Ivan. "He's from season four of Digimon: Digital Monsters!"

"Care to fill me in?" asked Link.

"He holds the spirit of the Warrior of Flame," continued Ivan. "He used it to transform, or spirit evolve into Agunimon."

"That's right!" agreed Agunimon. "And now it's time to fry you up good!" He held out his right arm in front of him. Small flames started rising out of a strange object on the back of his hand. "Pyro Darts!" he cried as he used his left hand to fling the flames at Link and Ivan. The flames hit the ground and started spreading towards them.

"Whirlwind!" shouted Ivan, using a small tornado to whip away the flames.

"Pretty good, but try this!" A row of flame started spiraling down each of his arms until they reached his hands. He shot his fists forward, crying, "Pyro Punch!" The flames shot out from his hands as he did so towards Ivan. Ivan tried to use Whirlwind again, but it had no effect on the fireballs, which slammed into him, burning him heavily.

"Ivan!" shouted Link as the Jupiter Adept screeched in pain. "You're going to pay for that!"

Agunimon smirked. "I don't think so. Pryo Tornado!" He started spinning and the flames surrounded him in a tornado. With no time to plan a counterattack or try to dodge, Link raised his shield in defense. As the twister approached, it dissipated to reveal Agunimon aiming a flaming spin-kick right at Link. If not for Link's shield, the kick would have hit him dead on. As it was, Link was flung into the opposing wall.

"Ha! Some Hero of Time!" taunted Agunimon. His taunt didn't last long as something of great power hit him in the side.

"That was my Sonic Slash!" exclaimed Ivan, who had fought through his burns to counterattack. He smirked for a moment, but that soon faded.

Agunimon had been hit in the side, but he didn't fall over. He stood there motionless for a second, then his entire body turned black, until he was like a silhouette. A large fractal code surrounded his body. In front of it floated a small object. It was like a statue, slightly larger than Link's head. It bore the same armor and horns that Agunimon had.

"Crap!" exclaimed Ivan. "I was afraid of this!"

"What?" inquired Link, who had climbed to his feet.

Before Ivan could answer, however, the statue faded and the fractal code wrapped itself around Agunimon's body again. Seconds later, the code faded to reveal him back in his human form as Takuya. Gasping for breath, he glared at Link. "You two are stronger than I thought. But just wait until the next time we meet!" He threw down a Deku Nut, and made his escape during the flash.

Link rubbed his eyes, then turned to Ivan. "Okay, you're the Digimon expert. What happened there?"

Ivan sighed. "In season four, it wasn't enough to just defeat the opposing Digimon, they had to scan their fractal code with their D-Tector."

"Great, so are you saying we can't beat this guy?" asked Navi, who had been hiding under Link's hat.

"We can't destroy him as a Digimon, but he's vulnerable as a human. As you saw, once they take a big enough beating, their fractal code is exposed. That small statue-looking thing floating in front of him was the spirit of Agunimon. If it's not scanned, then he'll revert to a human." As he finished, Ivan looked away. He was scratching his chin like he always did when he was deep in thought.

"What's up?" asked Link, concerned for his partner.

"Well, in the anime, Takuya was always a good guy," said Ivan. "I can't understand why he'd turn evil…Ack!" Navi had just flown up and whacked him on the head.

"You idiot!" she cried. "Have you forgotten Ness and his friends already? Obviously, Takuya's being controlled by Sephiroth."

"Oh yeah…"

"Come on, guys," cut in Link. "Let's get going. I want to get the Megaton Hammer, then we can free Meg."

"Do we have to?" whined Ivan. "She's so irritating, and ugly to boot."

"Yeah, but we need the key, so suck it up." Link turned and walked towards the elevator. Ivan snorted and followed close behind.

**Kakariko Village**

"Do you think they bought the excuse I made up?" asked Edward Elric.

"I think they did, but couldn't you have come up with something less embarrassing?" responded Alphonse. "Now they think I'm a naked guy in a suit of armor."

"Well, I didn't see you coming up with anything better," retorted Ed. "Besides, as long as they don't ask anymore questions, it won't really matter."

"Maybe we should just tell them the truth," suggested Al.

Ed opened his mouth to tell Al just how bad an idea that was when a large object crashed through the roof of their house. It was Marvin the robot and two passengers. Marvin landed next to the wall, smoking slightly, while Peter and the Fighting Chicken continued to duke it out.

Cursing loudly, Edward came up with a plan. He clapped his hands together and pressed them against the ground for an alchemic reaction. The ground beneath the two fighters shot up like a bullet, propelling them high into the sky.

**Great Fairy's Fountain**

Link climbed the altar of the newly exposed fountain and played Zelda's Lullaby. Upon the conclusion of the song, a flash of yellow emanated from the fountain, producing a yellow monkey with red eyes.

"Hello everyone!" she greeted cheerfully. "My name's Nova, and I'm the strongest of the Monkey Team. And if that idiot Sparks says differently, let me know so I can whop him one!"

Link shrunk back a little. This monkey was a bit more outgoing than the others. "I'm Link, and I came here hoping you could double the size of my magic meter."

Nova smiled. "Of course I can. That's why I'm here, right? Oh! I almost forgot!" She turned to Ivan. "You're a magician yourself, right?"

"In a manner of speaking," replied Ivan.

"I can double your magic as well," announced Nova. "Your author, DragonX, or something like that, added that little feature in."

"I appreciate it," said Ivan, smiling broadly. "I wasn't sure whether or not my Psynergy reserves would hold up in the upcoming battles. This puts my fears to rest."

"I'll also heal those nasty burns you two have. Here you go!" Nova raised her arms to summon a brilliant light. When it finally dimmed, Link and Ivan felt their magical reserves double in size.

"You have our thanks," said Link formally. "Until we meet again, Nova."

"Bye!" she replied, and sank back into the fountain.

Link and Ivan left the fountain, but instead of returning directly to the temple, Link used the Megaton Hammer to clear open a new path to the top of the crater. Once there, he began climbing down the gigantic cliff. About halfway down, there was a hole in the wall of the cliff. Inside was a Heart Piece (1st) which Link promptly acquired.

**Fire Temple**

"So where to now?" asked Ivan as they reentered the temple.

"We've already explored most of the dungeon," responded Navi. "Now we just need the Boss Key."

Link motioned for the two of them to follow him. Walking to the right of the great staircase, Link used the Megaton Hammer to knock away the column blocking a door. They proceeded through it, making their way through a few rooms until they reached the next mini-boss chamber. Lying in wait inside was Takuya.

"You again!" cried Link.

"Yep, me," responded Takuya nonchalantly. "And don't think I'll go so easy on you this time, bud-dy!" He drew out the word 'buddy' to imply sarcasm.

Link chuckled slightly. "On me? I've got your number this time."

"Ah, but what you don't realize is that I've got an ace in the hole." Takuya drew up his left hand again, generating not one, but several fractal codes surrounding it at various angles.

"Oh no…" gasped Ivan.

"Oh yes! Execute…Beast Spirit Evolution!" The fractal code again enveloped Takuya. But this time, its overall mass started increasing.

"Ivan?" muttered Link, not bothering to actually ask the question.

Fortunately, Ivan understood. "Every warrior from season four has two spirits: a human spirit and a beast spirit. The human spirit was Agunimon, and the beast spirit is…"

"BurningGreymon!" finished Takuya. His new form was considerable larger than Agunimon. His body was bulky, colored red and white with a smidge of yellow mixed in. He had claws for fingers and toes, and two large diamond shaped armguards over his forearms. The long point of the diamond was facing towards his shoulders. From his back sprouted two giant orange wings. His chin was red, his bestial face was white, and his mouth was outlined in gold and filled with razor-sharp teeth. Above his mouth was a single horn, similar to a rhino's. Out of his hindquarters sprouted a long red tail.

"I hope you're ready for a little fun!" shouted BurningGreymon. "Pryo Barrage!" The diamond armguards, which were connected by the back of the wrist, rotated to point outward. He held his forearms bent forward with his palms up and his fists clenched.

"Get ready to dodge," whispered Ivan, just loudly enough for Link to hear.

Small, red pellets began firing out of the tips of BurningGreymon's armguards. Link ran to the left while Ivan ran to the right. BurningGreymon debated for a split second, then began to turn to aim for Link. Out of the corner of his eye, Link saw wild flames erupt wherever the pellets hit. He wasn't sure how much longer he could outrun them.

"Frost!" came a voice from behind BurningGreymon. He gasped and halted his barrage as he felt his wings freeze into solid blocks of ice. He turned around to see Ivan standing there with a smirk across his face.

"But…how?" stuttered BurningGreymon. "I was told that you were a wind mage."

"I am," replied Ivan smugly. "But I used the Frost Jewel that my friends and I found in the Mogall Forest." Link smiled in understanding, despite the fact that he didn't recognize the name.

"Frost Jewel?" repeated BurningGreymon. "What's that supposed to be?"

Ivan scowled. "I'm getting tired of having to explain this. Okay, listen up. The Frost Jewel is one of many Psynergy Stones. A Psynergy Stone allows you to use a specific Psynergy, even if it's of a different element. Here's another one I think you'll like." Ivan rushed over to where Link stood. "Douse!"

A cloud formed above Link, who stood back and held out his sword as a downpour emanated from above. He then used his elemental binding technique to add the water element to the Master Sword. "This worked against Bowser," said Link calmly. "And believe me, you're no Bowser."

"We'll see about that!" retorted BurningGreymon. "Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he roared as fire consumed his entire body, melting the ice on his wings. "Wildfire Tsunami!" Twisting back, he shot his right shoulder forward to create mighty tornado of flame. Unlike Agunimon's Pyro Tornado, this twister was completely separate from BurningGreymon's body.

"Let's hope this works," muttered Link to no one in particular. He held the Master Sword straight up and charged into the thick of the twister.

"You fool!" cried BurningGreymon. "There's no way you could survive that kind of…what?!" A figure appeared from within the twister. Seconds later, Link burst out of the flames with minimal damage. Without wasting time, Link thrust forward, stabbing BurningGreymon with the power of water. BurningGreymon roared in agony before fading to black. His fractal code appeared once again, only this time, a different spirit appeared. It was thin, like a totem, but bore BurningGreymon's face and wings.

"Alright! Way to go, Link!" cheered Ivan.

The fractal code soon faded, and BurningGreymon reverted back into Takuya. He didn't say a word, he just threw down a Deku Nut and vanished.

"Okay! Let's go get the Boss Key," declared Link. Ivan and Navi followed him out of the room.

"Oh thank heavens," said Lois Griffin as Link freed her from the cell. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come for me. I hope Stewie hasn't missed me too badly." Link and Ivan exchanged glances, but remained silent. "Please save Peter, I just know he's in trouble."

Link calmly assured her that he would let no trouble come to Peter or Brian and sent her on her way. Grabbing the Boss Key, he, Ivan, and Navi moved on to where they had first met Peter, only to find him still there and locked in combat with the Fighting Chicken.

"Have they been here this entire time?" whispered Ivan.

"I think so," replied Link, just as softly. "Though Peter should have entered the Boss Room by now."

Before they could continue with their conversation, they noticed Peter delivering a devastating blow to the Fighting Chicken, causing said chicken to stumble backwards off of the ledge, tumbling into the lave pit below.

"Well, that takes care of that," said Peter, brushing his hands together. "Come on, Brian. Let's go." Brian stood up from were he had been sitting. Upon closer inspection, Link noticed several emptied martini bottles littering the floor nearby. Peter opened the Boss Door and went inside, followed by Brian.

"I wonder what would have happened if we had gone in there with them?" asked Navi.

Link considered this. "That's a good question. But somehow I think we're better off not knowing."

Navi settled herself back under Link's hat to think about this. Link smiled and used the large pillar he knocked down earlier as a stepping stone to reach the Boss Door, Ivan close behind. Taking a deep breath, he inserted the Boss Key and opened the door.

The boss room was the same as it ever was, except that the nine lava-filled holes in the floor were absent. Link noticed this, but was soon pre-occupied by his opponent, who had seemingly jumped down from out of nowhere.

"Alright, Link," said Takuya in a dangerous tone. "No more playing around. I'm about to come at you full force. If you stand still, I'll make it as quick as possible."

Link smirked. "Sorry, but my feet don't know how to stand still during a fight. Don't worry though, I won't defeat you that badly."

Ivan sighed. "If that's the best comeback you can come up with," he muttered. "Then we have some serious work to do."

Neither Link nor Takuya bore Ivan any mind. Instead, Takuya just lifted up his hand and made his fractal code appear. This one looked like the last one, with several rings of code spiraling it at different angles. But these rings were wobbling back and forth somewhat erratically. Takuya grinned sinisterly, then ran his D-Tector over the code. "Execute Now…Fusion Evolution!"

"No!" Ivan shouted as the fractal code consumed Takuya. "He's…"

"Let me guess," interrupted Link. "He's fusing his Human Spirit and his Beast Spirit into some sort of super spirit."

Ivan nodded, unable to make sound come out of his mouth.

**Fusion Warrior of Flame**  
**ALDAMON**

The being that emerged from the fractal code was about the same size as BurningGreymon. He had BurningGreymon's wings, armguards, and tail, and Agunimon's armor, hands, and face.

"Quick," exclaimed Link, looking to Ivan. "Cast Douse."

Ivan found the necessary stone and cast the Psynergy, but all that happened was steam coming out of his hands. "It's too hot in here! Any and all water or ice turns instantly to water vapor."

Link swore loudly. "I guess I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way." Gripping his sword and shield, Link charged straight at Aldamon. As Link approached him, Aldamon spun around with the speed of a bullet and whipped Link away with his tail. Link went flying and landed near the edge of the cliff.

"Alright, now you're in for it!" declared Aldamon. "Atomic Inferno!" The diamond shaped armguards spun around again, but this time they slid open to reveal a strange device inside. After storing energy for a split second, Aldamon began firing a series of large fireballs directly at Link.

"Link!" Ivan cried as the fireballs washed over Link. "Did he…did he dodge?"

As the flames cleared away, no sign of Link remained. Ivan stared in horror as Aldamon turned to face him. "Now it's your turn, little mage," said Aldamon.

"Plasma!" shouted Ivan. Three purple bolts of lightening fell from the ceiling and struck Aldamon. It did little to faze him, however, as Aldamon stepped away from the attack unharmed. Aldamon began advancing on Ivan, who began backing away until he had no more room to move. He stood, awaiting his fate when Aldamon screeched out in agony. Ivan was bewildered until he saw an arrow lodged in Aldamon's left wing. Hope rising in him, Ivan looked to the side to see Link standing by the edge of the platform, bow cocked. He fired another arrow, but Aldamon had grown wise to him, and knocked the projectile away.

"How did you survive my Atomic Inferno?" asked a befuddled Aldamon.

"Simple," replied Link, waving his finger. "You didn't study the layout of this room enough. I can climb on the side of the platform with ease. That's how I usually dodge Volvagia's rock fall attack."

"That's it! I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no choice!" Aldamon cupped his hands together and began gathering energy into a growing ball. But Link wasn't out of tricks yet.

"Ivan, get over here!" he called. Ivan complied without so much as a word, happy that his friend had survived. "I need wind on the hammer, now!"

Ivan focused his Psynergy onto Link's Megaton Hammer. Armed with a wind hammer, Link braced himself for impact.

By this point, Aldamon's ball of flame had grown to such size that he had to hold it over his head. Its color made it look like a miniature sun. "Say your prayers! Solar Wind Destroyer!" He hurled the ball of flame towards Link and Ivan.

Ivan squatted down and covered his head with his hands, but Link stood firm. As the ball drew near, he drew the hammer back, then rammed it into the fireball like a baseball bat. Alone, the hammer would have passed through the flame, but with the power of wind, Link was able to give a solid whack against it. For a split second, the ball gave resistance, but then the force of the wind hammer sent it flying back towards Aldamon.

Aldamon was so shocked by this turnabout that he wasn't able to move in time. The Solar Wind Destroyer slammed right into him.

"Ha! You think this will beat me!" he roared. "I can't be beaten by my own attack!" Aldamon flapped his wings, dispersing the flames. He raised his face to take in a breath of air, but gasped as he saw Link in midair, mere feet away from him with the Megaton hammer drawn above his head.

Wind hammer dispersed, Link slammed the Megaton Hammer hard onto Aldamon's forehead. A resounding _crack_ echoed throughout the room as Link slid to the floor. Agony was pounding throughout his head, but Aldamon said nary a word. He just silently faded to black. As the fractal code spun around him, both his Human and Beast Spirits hovered in midair. Knowing that he had no means to scan them, Link prepared to capture Takuya when he reappeared.

The spirits faded and Aldamon transformed back into Takuya. "This isn't over!" he cried. "I'll be back, and next time, you won't be the only one with a partner." Takuya threw down his final Deku Nut. Where he had stood, only a Heart Container remained.

_Link's Health_  
xxxxxxxxxx  
xxxx 

"Whew! That was close," exclaimed Link. "I had no idea whether or not that would work."

"What!?" cried Ivan. "You risked our lives on a whim?" Link nodded with a smile on his face. "You've got to be the luckiest bastard I've ever met!"

"Geez, Ivan. You sure have been swearing a lot lately," noted Navi. "You might want to watch that." She turned to Link. "By the way, how did you know that Aldamon was going to throw the ball at you?"

Link shrugged. "What else do you do with giant balls? Come on, let's get out of this place. I'm sweating like a pig." The trio moved into the blue portal that had appeared in the center of the room.

**Chamber of the Sages**

Link and co. appeared on the center platform. They saw Peter appear on the red platform, along with Brian.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Peter. "I can't believe you won."

"Those transformations of Takuya's took time," said Ivan. "And we only came in about a minute after you guys. How did he beat you so quickly?"

"Uh, Peter tripped and fell into the lava," answered Brian. "And he grabbed me on the way down, dragging me with him. But instead of dying, we got sent here. Nice place, but I haven't seen a bar anywhere."

"I think you've had enough martinis for one day," observed Navi.

"Here, I'm supposed to give you this big round thingy." Peter lifted his hands to the sky and summoned forth the Fire Medallion, which Link graciously accepted. "We'll see you guys around, say hi to my family for me!"

"And don't worry," added Brian. "I'll make sure Peter doesn't screw this up."

Link breathed deeply. Quite frankly, that little detail of Peter Griffin being a Sage had concerned him. But now his fears were put to rest. He smiled as a light overtook his party, transporting them back to Hyrule.

-

Oh my gosh that was a long chapter. But it's not over yet. It's time for the first ever installment of…

**Ask Floating Skull**

M Warrior writes:

_Dear Floating Skull  
Are you really a floating skull, or is that just your name?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull assures puny mortal M Warrior that Floating Skull indeed floats. All of us Skulls float and burn with an eternal flame of varying color.

Imagination's Dream writes:

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What is the meaning of life? And why do you float?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is ashamed to admit that he knows neither the meaning of life nor why he floats. It is like asking a human why it walks on two legs.

Runa writes:

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Why do you always have "Floating Skull!" at the end? And what do souls look like? Please don't devour mine! _:)

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull feels it necessary to restate his presence before and after every chapter, so that puny mortal readers cower in fear. Floating Skull cannot describe what souls look like without demonstrating. For mere words cannot possibly convey the totality of a mortal soul to you. And Floating Skull unfortunately is unable to devour puny mortal Runa's soul because she has placed a review.

Lightening Dragon Alchemist (formerly known as TwilightZelda) writes:

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I'm trying to get respect from my subordinates in my JROTC class because they respect neither me nor my friend as the class leaders. Any suggestions?_

Flt. Sk.: Simply begin devouring their souls in as tormenting a way as possible until the other puny mortals fear you as they would a mighty demon. Not as mighty as Floating Skull, mind you.

…You should probably ignore that one.

Link-the-hylian writes:

_Dear Floating Skull:  
Do you ever wear hats? I imagine your head would be pretty bland without one. Just curious._

Flt. Sk.: How dare you! Floating Skull would never demean his image of evil with the mortals' invention of hats. In any case, Floating Skull's eternal flame would destroy any hat that sat upon Floating Skull's head.

I'd like to apologize for that. It was a bit uncalled for.

Midnari writes…actually, Midnari writes a lot of stuff. But the question basically boils down to this:

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Whose head do you belong to?_

Flt. Sk.: This is the worst insult yet! To insinuate that Floating Skull was once the head of a puny mortal! Floating Skull was born a Skull and shall remain a Skull until the end of time!

Alright, that's it for Ask Floating Skull. This also concludes the longest chapter yet, with ten pages dedicated to the story itself.

B.B.: Dude! Floating Skull is scaring me worse than usual.

Ght. Flx.: Sizzlin kizzle always pofizzles me!

B.B.: Ghetto Felix agrees.

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter of Cameos of Time. We're far from over, so get comfy and get some popcorn.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	18. Ice Day for a Fight, eh?

Welcome back, everyone. I wish I had some sort of good reason for not updating in over a month, but I don't. You have my sincerest apologies. There's no point in brooding over this, so let's continue.

Get ready, because this chapter brings back an old friend from earlier in the story. Try and guess who it is!

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has no need for friends!

B.B.: But dude! Aren't I your friend? Or Ghetto Felix even?

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull detests puny changeling muse and puny ghetto muse. Also on Floating Skull's list of detestment is puny midget muse, who is suffering in the story, which pleases Floating Skull. Also, Floating Skull bears absolutely no fondness for puny mortal author, raider of the dragons.

Ght. Flx.: Sizzlin kizzle need to popizzle a little nizzle…

I couldn't agree more, Ghetto Felix. Whatever it is you said…

Enough of this pointless author note! I'll get started with the story now. It won't be as long as the last chapter, but it will be an interesting read. Enjoy!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Death Mountain Crater**

The blue light dissipated, and the trio found themselves in the middle of the mighty volcano. They climbed to the highest exit, delivering them at the summit of the mountain. They opted not to use the path that led through Goron City. While it would have been faster, Link didn't feel like talking to the Griffin family again, mainly Stewie and Meg. This plan was readily agreed to by Ivan and Navi.

**Death Mountain Trail**

As they exited the Crater, they felt the rays of the sun beaming down on them. That, along with the calm ring of clouds circling the mountain, proved that they had done their job.

They hadn't seen the clear sky since before entering the Kokiri Forest. The sky above the forest was always covered in a light mist, but was particularly cloudy during the attack by Seymour. The sky, combined with the cool breeze that brought relief to their heated bodies, gave the travelers a sense of calm that had been lost to them during these past few adventures.

After resting for about a half hour, Link and the others began their trek down the mountain. On the way, Link collected the Heart Piece (2nd) above the Dodongo's Cavern, something that had slipped his mind earlier.

**Kakariko Village**

After Link and co. climbed down from Death Mountain, they spent another night with the Elric Brothers. Jet, who actually owned the house, was once again nowhere to be seen. With the arrival of dawn, Link took care of a few things he had neglected to do earlier. One was to obtain the Big Quiver from the nearby archery range.

The rest of the day was spent hunting down Big Poes in Hyrule Field. He delivered them to a strange shopkeeper who had his lodgings right past the gates of the desecrated Castle Town. The purpose was to obtain the fourth and final bottle. These in hand, Link and Ivan rode Epona to the banks of the Zora River, Navi resting on Link's head.

**Zora's Domain**

"Brrrrrrr!" Ivan shivered as they walked into the now frozen realm. "What happened here?"

"There's an evil spirit in the Water Temple," replied Link, unable to keep from shivering himself. "But we need the Iron Boots before we can go there."

"_You_ need the Iron Boots," corrected Ivan. "I can sink myself, remember?"

"Oh, quit bragging!" exclaimed Navi, peeking out from under Link's hat. "I'm tired of hearing how great you are!" After saying this, she tucked herself back in and continued shivering frantically.

"What's wrong with her?" whispered Ivan, just loud enough for Link to hear.

"Cold weather makes her like this," replied Link just as softly. "Don't mind her."

Fighting off the cold, the trio climbed the grand staircase that led to the throne of Fat Bastard. They were surprised to find, however, that the Zora King was not encased in a block of red ice. Except for Ivan, of course.

"I don't get why you guys are surprised," stated Ivan. "A guy that fat…his body heat would be more than a match for any ice, even the red variety. Isn't that right, Fat Bastard?"

"Aye," agreed Fat Bastard. "People always make fun of the fat guy, but anyone else would be dead by now."

Navi was satisfied by this explanation. But Link wasn't as easily convinced. "King Zora was just as fat. Why didn't that work for him?"

"Link," muttered Navi irritably. "You actually were a Zora at one point during Majora's Mask. Do I really have to answer that question?" Link nodded. "Come on, it's simple biology!" cried Navi, who's voice was know resounding across the chamber.

Link looked to the side, apparently finding the wall very interesting. It was faint, but Ivan could detect a small blush growing across Link's face. "I had to…"

"You had to what?" prompted Ivan, confused about his answer.

Link looked down and mumbled, "I had to take Biology twice in college because I failed the first time. The second time I got a high D. Needless to say, it was never my major."

"What was your major?" asked Ivan, biting back the gloats he was tempted to say.

"Excuse me," called Fat Bastard, cutting off Link's reply. "I hope you haven't forgotten about me, 'cause I don't like being ignored. Even if you fellows are the only ones who can stop Sephiroth. I might just hafta eat yas!" This statement was followed by his hearty laughter. Link and co. chuckled nervously, unsure whether or not he was joking.

"Is Kairi okay?" asked Link once Fat Bastard had calmed down. "I mean…"

"I didn't eat her, if that's what you're thinking," answered Fat Bastard. "I would never eat a cutie like her. No, instead I'd…"

"Ahem!" coughed Ivan loudly, interrupting Fat Bastard's sentence, much to Link and Navi's relief. "Look, I know you can't be getting a good food supply here, right?"

"Aye," agreed Fat Bastard. "My stomach hasn't felt full in a good long while. This ice has stopped all of my fishing. But what can you small people do about it?"

"Simple," said Navi. "The ice is caused by a demon in the Water Temple. But to even enter there, we need to get behind you to the Ice Cavern. Can we please go there?"

Fat Bastard paused for a moment to consider this. Then he nodded, "Aye, go on through. And take this with ya!" He threw a Zora Tunic down at Link, who caught it readily.

"Thank you, Fat Bastard," said Link, who bowed as the fat man moved over.

"And if you happen to see that lassie," continued Fat Bastard. "Tell her I'd like to have a word with 'er." He gave a small chuckle, which the trio tastefully ignored.

**Zora's Fountain**

"Whoa!" exclaimed Ivan. "What happened to Lord Jabu-Jabu!"

"No idea," replied Link solemnly. "He's just gone. I was never fully comfortable with that."

"I know what you mean," agreed Navi. "When you go all through the insides of something trying to save it, you kind of get attached to it."

"Hey, guys!" came an excited voice from their right. The group turned to see Otto the monkey running towards them. "Long time no see! How've you been?"

Link shrugged, "It hasn't been a bed of flowers, but still not the worst situation I've ever been in. What about you? Why are you still here in this freezing wasteland?"

"I'm not allowed to leave this general area," replied Otto with a crestfallen look. "I wonder how the rest of the Monkey Team are doing."

"We haven't seen Antauri or Sparks in seven years," responded Ivan. "But we met Nova yesterday, and she seems fine."

"Really?" inquired Otto with a gleam of hope in his eyes.

"I'm sure the others are all doing just as fine," stated Navi. "Sephiroth will gain nothing by attacking the Fairy Fountains."

"Gee, thanks guys," said Otto. "I've been really worried for a long time. I wish there was something I could do to repay you."

"That's okay, Otto," said Link. "We're just happy to help." Link nodded towards his teammates and they began walking towards Jabu-Jabu's dais.

"Wait!" called Otto behind them. Link and co. turned around to heed their simian friend. "I just remembered, I found this weird jewel when I renovated the fountain. You can have it if you want." He held the jewel up for Link to behold.

"A Heart Piece (3rd)!" exclaimed Link, accepting it graciously.

"It must be the one that's usually on one of the floating blocks of ice," explained Navi. "Wait, what do you mean by 'renovated'?"

"Oh," said Otto nonchalantly. "I got bored, so a built some stuff to make things easier. Watch." He took out a small remote and pushed a button on it. Link and Ivan stumbled as the ground started shaking. Seconds later, they heard something emerge from the water. They stumbled their way up the dais to see that a long metal path stretch from the dais all the way to the Ice Cavern.

"Otto…" muttered Link. "This is incredible! But how did you know about the Ice Cavern?"

"Oh, is that what you call that place?" responded Otto. "Like I said, I got bored. So I built this path and checked out that cave. But once I got inside, I saw a scary-looking red guy. He looked like trouble, so I left. I haven't been in since."

"He must be there in lieu of the White Wolfos," suggested Navi. Link nodded his head in agreement.

"Thanks, Otto," said Ivan. "We really owe you one."

"Naw, it was nothing," replied Otto modestly. "Just promise to give my regards to the rest of the Monkey Team if you see them."

"Will do," agreed Link. "Good-bye." With a look towards his comrades, he started down the metal path with Ivan and Navi close behind.

**Ice Cavern**

"Whoa!" exclaimed Ivan as his butt hit the ground. He had hit the first patch of ice and he slipped quite readily.

"Careful," replied Link, trying, but not quite succeeding, to hide a grin.

"I'll 'careful' you in a minute," muttered Ivan, rubbing his posterior. He climbed to his feet and tried to ignore the stinging cold surrounding his body.

The three proceeded on in relative silence. Navi nestled herself in the torso of Link's tunic, as her fairy body wasn't designed to handle the cold. The icy puzzles were soon solved, and Link collected another Heart Piece (4th).

_Link's Health  
xxxxxxxxxx  
xxxxx_

Finally they came to the room which concealed the Iron Boots. "Careful, remember what Otto said," reminded Navi.

"I know," replied Link. Pausing to spare a glance at Ivan, Link opened the door. They entered into the beautiful icy chamber, whose walls mystified Link every time he saw them. But he took no time to wonder today, as he quickly spotted a familiar face. _"Scary looking red guy?"_ thought Link. _"I should have known"_. Out loud, he said, "Long time no see, Zero."

"It's good to see you again, Link," said the blonde reploid. "I'm glad to see that you've grown stronger since we last met."

"But what are you doing here?" asked Ivan.

Zero frowned. "After Jabu-Jabu disappeared and Zora's Domain froze over, I went to the Water Temple to slay the evil spirit myself, but…"

"But what?" prompted Link.

Zero's frown deepened as he remembered his journey. "Everything was going alright until I came upon this strange room. It seemed to spread out infinitely in all directions, and its floor was covered in water."

"The mini-boss chamber," concluded Navi.

Zero nodded before continuing. "There, I met a human swordsman. At first, I didn't think he'd be a problem, but his swordplay was phenomenal! I held my ground for about an hour, but then he defeated me. He would have destroyed me had I not teleported out of there."

Link stood motionless, his mouth agape. Zero was one of his idols, and yet he was outmatched in a sword duel. "He must be more than an average warrior."

"He was," agreed Zero. His facial expression didn't change, but Link could detect a bitterness permeating his words. "That's why I'm here."

"And why is that?" asked Ivan.

"When we last met," said Zero slowly. "Link barely beat me at half strength…"

"You knew I'd come here," interrupted Link. "You want to test me, don't you?"

"You're a sharp one, I'll give you that," replied Zero with a smirk. "Be warned, this time I won't hold back."

"Ivan, Navi, you know the drill," said Link without taking his eyes off Zero. Navi flew out of Link's shirt and into Ivan's, who promptly backed up towards the door.

**Masterful Maverick Hunter  
ZERO**

Link and Zero charged towards each other with their respective blade brandished. The blades met for a split second before they were twisted into another assault, which again resulted in their meeting. The two combatants went on like this for several minutes, their swordplay becoming more and more intricate, neither gaining any ground.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Link got a lucky break. He found an opening in Zero's defenses and seized it instantly. With an upward slash, Link brought the Master Sword to Zero's left arm, severing it. The mechanical arm fell to the ground.

Zero gasped as his circuits broke. Working quickly, he shut off the power flow to his left shoulder. "It looks like I've underestimated you," he said while taking several steps back. "But you'll have to do better than that."

"I intend to!" exclaimed Link. He started to move forward, but Zero beat him to it. Utilizing his leg boosters, he zoomed along the ground towards Link, who braced himself for the oncoming assault. But to Link's surprise, Zero came to a halt about five feet in front of him. As he did that, a burst of air shaped like Zero shot forward and hit Link dead on. Link was knocked backwards, and Zero charged forward once more with his Z Saber raised above his head. Zero reached Link while he was still a foot away from hitting the ground. Zero's presence above Link gave him an idea. Link reached back with his right arm to break his fall and used his left arm to thrust the Master Sword into Zero's chest.

Zero's saber was still raised above his head. His face had twisted into an expression of shock mixed with awe. He could feel his auto-repair systems failing. Within seconds, his remaining arm ceased functioning. His energy saber disappeared back into the hilt as it slipped from his fingers. It hit the ground with a _clang_ that echoed throughout the icy chamber. Link removed his sword from Zero's chest but it made no difference. His eyes slowly slid to a close as he fell to the floor, all consciousness gone.

-

This is a fun way to end a chapter. I'm sorry about the fight scene. It was the main reason this chapter took so long, and in the end, all you got was that. We'll be seeing some better ones soon, so I hope you guys don't mind too bad.

In any case, it's time once again for…

**Ask Floating Skull**

**Link-the-hylian writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Is all this stupid geography homework I keep getting REALLY all that important in the big scheme of things?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull suggests that puny mortals such as yourself study their geography most diligently. It might help you to find a hiding spot when Floating Skull comes to devour your soul.

**Celedeen Tachibana writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Why'd you answer all those questions, and why chapter 17 to answer them on?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull assures puny mortal Celedeen that Floating Skull has no desire to answer your puny mortal questions. It is simply a pathetic ploy from the puny author to gain more reviews; a fact that enrages Floating Skull. Floating Skull will grant this: DragonRaiderX9 was wise to wait so long to attempt this foolishness. Had he tried it on the first chapter, many of the mortals reading this story would be turned off to it, and would not return to see how it ends.

**DarklightZERO writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Have you ever had a girlfriend/boyfriend?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull will end confusion concerning gender of Floating Skull. Floating Skull is male, and as such feels attraction for females. To answer the question, Floating Skull once dated Brittany Spears, but Floating Skull became afraid when she shaved her head to match Floating Skull's. The relationship was kept secret because Floating Skull consumed the paparazzi.

**Numdenu writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What is your equivalent of the mortal invention known as chocolate? (And don't eat me; I'm a ghost, and thus dead. I don't think dead souls would taste good.)_

Flt. Sk.: Why would Floating Skull need an equivalent? Chocolate is one of the favorite foods of demonic creatures such as Floating Skull. Floating Skull would like to add that if puny mortal Numdenu is a ghost, than she is nothing but a soul in the purist form, and would be most delectable to Floating Skull. However, since she reviewed this pitiful story, Floating Skull is powerless to consume her.

**Random Fangirl writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What do souls taste like? Does the taste vary from person to person? And please don't eat mine. According to one of my friends, I'm evil. _

Flt. Sk.: The tastes of souls do vary from each puny mortal. But a mortal soul that is tainted and scarred by evil is most delectable indeed.

**The Digital Dimension writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull:_

_What's your Favorite food? Besides souls!_

Flt. Sk.: Chocolate. Pure and simple.

**XArt is a BangX writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull:  
Is there a such thing as 'I wanna be a Floating Skull' School? If So, What did you major in?_

Flt. Sk.: There exists no form of teaching facility for making Skulls. And if there was, students would certainly not be made into Floating Skulls. They would each be unique, as are brethren to Floating Skull.

**Jack Sparrow303 writes:**

_I will go bake a fresh batch of soul cookies for the Master of Evil, Floating Skull (The special chocolate and peanut butter kind) if you answer these two simple questions truthfully:  
1. Which color are you?  
2. Why do you devour the souls of anyone? Why can't you simply devour the souls of the bad people like Tingle...Oh, i hate him so. oh! And the soul of...what's his name...um...Jabu Jabu!_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull thanks mortal Jack for his batch of cookies. The souls embedded in them were properly spread amongst the chocolate and peanut butter. To answer your questions, all Skulls are white, but we each have an individual colored flame surround us. Floating Skull burns eternally with the red flame. For your second question, Floating Skull is suppressed by mortal author as to which souls he devours. Although, Floating Skull would never allow such a pathetic and weak soul such as Tingle's to pass through the mouth of Floating Skull. Also, Floating Skull does not like fish.

**Shinigami's Shadow and SilverPantsSven (whew!) writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull:  
Were you always a floating skull or did you die and become one?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull assures all puny mortals that he was born a Skull.

-

All right, that's it. I'll see you guys next time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	19. The Wrath of Water

Okay, I was going to try and have this chapter out faster than the last one. But unfortunately, that idea went down the drain.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull sneers at puny mortal author and his pitiful attempts at speed and excitement.

B.B.: Oh, like you could do better? You don't even have hands for typing!

Flt. Sk.: Such insolence from the puny changeling muse. Do you not know that Skulls are faster and more exciting that any mortal human by nature?

Ght. Flx.: Sizzle' down the popizzlin, bro!

B.B.: Ghetto Felix says that you need to get over yourself.

Flt. Sk.: Bah! What does puny ghetto muse know?

Anyway…I hope you enjoy this chapter. Even though it didn't get done anywhere near as fast as I'd hoped. We'll get some more action along with seeing the consequences of Ivan's previous actions. Will he get what he deserves? Find out on today's enjoyable chapter of Cameos.

Today's chapter name is used with permission from Hammermaster. Who is Hammermaster? A Zelda fan, that's all I know.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

_Begin Systems Check…_

_Body Status: 100 percent_

_Fuel Cell: Fully charged_

_All systems functioning normally_

_Begin waking cycle…_

"Huh? What…?" groaned Zero as he opened his eyes. "Where am I?"

"Hmm…," Ivan raised his head at the sound of a voice. "Oh! Hey, he's awake!"

**Great Fairy's Fountain**

"Rise and shine, sleepy-head!" shouted Otto.

"But how…?" began Zero. "My wounds…"

"All taken care of," declared Otto, brushing his hands in mock showmanship. "Link brought you in here sometime yesterday, and I was up all night fixing you."

"Thank you," said Zero, bowing his head. "But where's Link?"

"Ah!" came the aforementioned hero's voice from the door. "Nothing like a refreshing dip to wake you up in the morning. And the Heart Piece (1st) just makes the whole thing sweeter."

"Hey, Link. Zero's awake," noted Navi, who was bobbing along behind Link.

"How ya feeling?" asked Link.

Zero shrugged. "Can't complain. But I have to admit, Link, you surprised me. You truly are the swordsman I always thought you were."

"It was a lucky shot, really," argued Link sheepishly. "A second off and I'd be in two pieces right…."

"But you weren't a second off," declared Zero with such force that Link stopped mid-sentence. "And I don't want to hear anything about luck. A warrior makes his own luck; never forget that!" Link, unable to formulate an intelligent response, remained silent. "Hey, monkey!" called Zero.

"The name's Otto," replied the green monkey with poorly masked irritation.

"Sorry, Otto," amended Zero. "Am I well enough to fight?"

"Are you kidding?" exclaimed Otto. "When Otto repairs it, it turns out better than new. I even improved your jumping distance out of boredom."

Zero smirked. "Thanks, I might need it. I had a fun time with the Water Temple before, but this might help. Link, Ivan, let's go! With Zora's Domain frozen, we've got a long trip ahead of us."

Link and Ivan shared a knowing smile. "That won't be necessary." Before Zero could respond, Link and co. stepped close to him and away from Otto. Then, Link raised the Ocarina of Time to his lips and let a tranquil yet sorrowful tune flow through the instrument.

"What are you…?" began Zero, but he was cut off as a blue light began to overtake the group.

"Bye-bye!" they heard Otto shouting. "Tear those water guys up good for me, 'kay!"

**Lake Hylia**

The four of them reappeared on the island in the middle of the nearly drained lake. "You put us right on top of the temple!" exclaimed Zero. "This is good, we can begin immediately."

"Yeah, Sheik came by and taught me that song after we took you to Otto's," explained Link.

"He's an interesting guy, that Sheik. He's been leading our efforts against Sephiroth. Many a battle has been won thanks to him."

"What has the war been like?" asked Navi.

Zero's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed again. "I keep forgetting you three were gone for seven years. The war has basically been a competition to see whether the author or Sephiroth can bring in the best minions. We thought we had won at one point two years ago, when the author managed to send in the Justice League, but then…"

"The Justice League consists of seven powerful heroes," said Ivan. "What happened to them?"

Zero stayed silent for a moment in remembrance before continuing. "Sephiroth summoned a powerful shinobi from the anime _Naruto_. He controlled the sand with frightening power, and if anything was more insane than Sephiroth."

"Gaara…" inferred Link.

Zero nodded. "He single-handedly matched the Justice League in terms of strength. He took them out, one by one. In the end, he and Superman destroyed one another."

"War is horrible, no matter where you go," stated Navi. "Good friends are gone in an instant. We have to stop Sephiroth, no matter what."

Link and the others nodded in agreement. "By the way, Zero," started Ivan. "I was under the impression that you reploids could teleport. What gives?"

Zero gave another one of his trademark shrugs. "I couldn't teleport the four of us this much distance. And repeated teleportations are very draining. But enough talk, let's get going."

"You're not going anywhere, little brother!" came a voice from the bridge. They looked to see a man dressed in black. From his head sprouted two large yellow arches that jutted out the back of his head.

"Bass…," began Zero slowly. "I've told you before, you're not my brother!"

"Of course I am," replied Bass. "You're the final creation of Dr. Wily, my creator. You're also loosely based off of my design. So, in a sense, you're my little brother." Bass was sure to say this last part in a particularly taunting way.

"What is he talking about?" whispered Ivan.

"I guess Sephiroth isn't the only person with a loose grip on reality," replied Link. "He's from the original Megaman series. Bass was Wily's answer to Megaman."

"What do you want?" demanded Zero aloud.

Bass sneered. "I'm here to make sure you don't make trouble for Master Sephiroth."

Link snorted. "Bass, you're a robot. Zero is a reploid. His power far outmatches yours."

Bass's smirk faltered but didn't fade. "That may have been true once, but Sephiroth gave me some nice upgrades to use against you. And when I'm done with you, Zero, I have a score to settle with that little wind mage."

"Me?" stammered Ivan. "What did I do?"

Bass frowned. "Seven years ago, you came to Lake Hylia and used one of your powers to ram against the Lab on the lakefront."

"Oh yeah," reminisced Ivan. "I remember that now. That was right after Link and I had an argument and I left to do my own thing. I used Force to kill a Gold Skulltula and then…" Ivan stopped mid-sentence and his eyes went wide.

"And then a bomb went off inside the Lab, thoroughly crisping myself, Wily, and my robotic pet wolf, Treble," finished Bass.

"Look," interrupted Link. "I'd love to stay here and let you three have at it, but I need to liberate the Water Temple, and I need the aforementioned wind mage to do it. Zero, I hope you don't mind."

Zero smirked. "Not at all. I wasn't looking forward to the doing the watery hell again anyway. This will keep me occupied."

"Oh no you don't!" cried Bass, lunging at Ivan. "Revenge will be mine!"

But as he approached his target, Bass stopped short to avoid a glowing green saber coming at him. "Your fight is with me!" declared Zero. "Link, Ivan, do your thing. I'll play with big brother out here." Link and Ivan nodded before diving into the water below. "Alright, Bro," said Zero. "Let's spend some quality time together!"

**Water Temple**

"This place reminds me of the Mercury Lighthouse," commented Ivan when they reached the central room. "Except I get the feeling that we'll be spending a lot more time underwater here."

"Well, that depends," said Navi. "How much time did you spend underwater in the lighthouse thingy?"

"None at all," replied Ivan.

"Come on, Kairi should be waiting for us." Link dived into the water with his friends soon behind. He used the Iron Boots to sink to the bottom of the room and went into a nearby hallway. The hallway soon ended at a room with three torches and a door. More importantly than that, however, was that a grown Kairi stood in the middle of the room.

"Funny," said Link after they greeted one another. "I don't remember that outfit on Kingdom Hearts." Kairi wore a pink skirt and a white tank-top. Over her tank-top she wore another pink shirt with the zipper about half-way down.

"This is my Kingdom Hearts II costume," replied Kairi. "I got too big for my other clothes."

"That brings up an interesting point I've been trying to sort out," interjected Ivan. "When this fanfic began, all of the cameos were wearing clothing similar to the ones that they replaced, excepting you, of course."

Kairi laughed. "I toyed with the idea of doing my role wearing nothing, like Ruto did, but I decided against it." She smiled devilishly. "I didn't want to distract the protagonists, now did I?" Ivan gave a small cough, and both he and Link pointedly ignored the fact that faint blushes had appeared on both their faces. Navi had her hand over her mouth to smother the laughter she was bursting with.

"Yes, well…" Ivan shook his head to clear it of unbidden thoughts. "My point is, now everyone has gone to wearing their traditional clothing from their various locales. I first noticed it when we met Edward in Kakariko Village."

Link nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, when Eragon and I fought Seymour, he was wearing his normal blue robes, instead of Mido's shorts and tunic." He shuddered involuntarily.

Kairi shrugged. "I guess with the fanfiction in disarray, everyone decided to switch to clothing they were more comfortable with."

"Look, I'd love to stand around discussing fashion all day," interrupted Navi. "But don't you think we should be going?"

"That brings up an interesting point," said Link. "What exactly do you wear, Navi? We've never gotten a good look at you."

"Never you mind, Mr. Man-Who-Wears-Skirts," replied Navi testily.

"It's a tunic! I didn't choose the outfit!" Link all but shouted.

"Navi's right, though," agreed Kairi. "But there is good news. Since the fanfiction is no longer under author control…"

"You can come with us instead of disappearing," finished Link, happy to have the topic away from his tunic.

"We had better hurry, who knows what Zero's going through," pointed out Ivan.

**Lake Hylia**

"Hmrph!" snorted Zero as he watched Bass climb to his feet. "Is that really all you have? I can't believe I'm wasting my time out here with you."

Bass was breathing heavily by now. "I'm not done yet!" He lifted his buster arm and fired, but Zero dodged it lazily.

Zero sighed. "Just give up. I don't feel like doing this, and you're in no condition to. What's the point?"

"The point?!" cried Bass in indignation. "The point is revenge! I didn't appear until Megaman 7, which came out after Megaman X! You got all of the glory and fame before I even had a shot at it!"

"I'd give you all of the fame if I could," replied Zero irritably. "It doesn't do me any good, and just tends to get in my way. But you have to face facts. Even if I could keep from being the popular one, that doesn't mean that it would go to you."

"What are you saying?" exclaimed Bass.

Zero glared at Bass as his own impatience was growing. "I'm saying you're just not good enough. You'll never be that popular because you're irritating, you lack style, and overall, you're pretty weak."

Bass stammered for a moment, unable to form a response. Finally, words began to drop from his lips. "You think I'm weak? Maybe I am, but I've learned a lesson that you good guys seem to revel in. Power lies in teamwork. Treble!"

Zero sensed something moving on the bridge behind him. He turned around to find Bass's robotic pet wolf, Treble, rushing to join his master. Treble was exactly what you'd expect a robotic wolf to look like, except that he was purple. Without so much as another command from Bass, Treble leapt over Zero and directly into Bass. Zero quickly covered his eyes as a blinding flash covered the area. Slowly, the light dimmed and Zero looked at his opponent with mild surprise.

Treble and Bass had fused together as one. Purple armor laced Bass's body, and two purple, immobile appendages sprouted from the sides of his head. Somehow, Bass was keeping himself afloat in mid-air, and a faint dark aura surrounded him.

"Fusion, huh?" asked Zero, with just a hint of derision. "Oldest trick in the book. And I doubt it'll help much."

"Just wait and see, little brother," came the deep voice of Bass.

**Water Temple**

"Well, here we are," said Ivan as they stepped inside the mini-boss chamber.

Kairi was in awe of the surroundings, or lack thereof. "Sora would love to see this place."

"So Sora is his real name, then?" asked Navi.

Kairi nodded. "All of us used our real names. Since most of the other characters were from other stuff, too. Only Ansem and the guys in Organization XIII used fake names."

"What's Organization XIII?" asked Link.

"Kingdom Hearts II," replied Kairi flatly.

Link sighed in response. "I swear, as soon as I find the time, I'm going to finish Kingdom Hearts."

"Well, you may find that time sooner than you think, mates," came a voice from the island in the center of the room. Link and co. looked over to see a strangely dressed man leaning against the tree. He appeared to be a sailor from roughly the 1600s. "You'll have nothing but time left when I'm done with ye."

"And who are you supposed to be?" demanded Ivan.

"I'm supposed to be the one who defeats the only person standing between the big bloke and the world," replied the sailor. Link took 'the big bloke' to mean Sephiroth.

But more importantly than that, something was familiar about this guy. His clothes, his accent, his very mannerisms. He tended to move his hands around when he spoke. "Tell me, are you the one who defeated Zero?"

The sailor pondered this for a moment. "Let's see, do you mean a red guy with blonde hair? About yea tall," he held up his hand slightly above his head to indicate his former opponent's height. When Link's party said nothing, the sailor took that as affirmation. "Aye, I beat him. He was a tough one, I'll give 'em that. But you'll be more of a challenge, I wager."

"Your name," demanded Link flatly.

"Well, aren't you a pushy one," replied the sailor with feigned irritation. "Alright then. My name…" But even before he said it, the identity of his opponent dawned upon Link.

"My name is Captain Jack Sparrow."

_To be continued in The Wrath of Water, part 2_

-

I apologize again for the delay in updating. I hope you guys find it worthwhile. I'm really, really going to try and have the next one up sooner.

Flt. Sk.: Why does puny mortal promise what he knows he cannot give?

B.B.: Dude! I love Pirates of the Caribbean! I've watched the first two movies, like, a hundred times. And I've seen At World's End at least five times in theaters. I'm going to see it again tomorrow.

Ght. Flx.: You best be fizzlin the main kosizzle when you tizzle the wobizzle!

B.B.: Sure thing, Ghetto Felix! The more the merrier! How about you, Floating Skull? Wanna come? There'll be lots of death and monsters and stuff.

Flt. Sk.: Interesting. Pirates always were one of the best mortal inventions. Very well, Floating Skull will join you.

And now for the part you've all been waiting for. The latest installment of…

**Ask Floating Skull**

**Imagination's Dream writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Why do you talk in third person? And if you had to choose between chocolate and a soul, which one would you pick?_

Flt. Sk.: All Skulls talk in third person. Why do puny mortals talk in first person? And while the mortal invention of chocolate is always tantalizing, souls take priority for Floating Skull.

**hyoi writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
All you ever talk about is taking over worlds and devouring souls. Do you have any other hobbies besides?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull enjoys bowling, baseball, motocross, and square-dancing.

**Link-the-hylian writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Isn't it hard to eat souls when you have no arms? I mean, you can't really stop them from running, can you? Or what if they close a door?_

Flt. Sk.: A door… Does puny mortal Link-the-hylian truly believe that a puny door could stand against the fury of Floating Skull!? Most mortals are paralyzed with fear at the mere presence of Floating Skull. Those that don't…well, let's just say it's not that hard to consume the soul of a fresh corpse.

**The Digital Dimension writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you EAT souls, then what do you drink?_

Flt. Sk.: Blood. And milk. After all, Floating Skull has to keep his bone healthy.

**Celedeen Tachibana writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you're too good for us mortals, then why do you listen to the author? If the author created you, wouldn't you be mortal? And if not, how'd the author get you to listen to the author and be limited by a mortal?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull was assigned to puny mortal DRX9 by the Society of Fanfictions after his travesty of a first chapter of Spider-Jeff.

Yeah, Floating Skull, I've been meaning to ask. What's up with the whole 'Society of Fanfictions' thing? You never talk about it.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has taken a vow of silence on the matter. Nothing can be said about it, or why Floating Skull served it.

**Jack Sparrow303 writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I must ask you, which do you find more annoying: your author (DragonRaiderX9) or being a muse? There are more cookies in it for you if you answer (these have raisons! They taste like wrinkly souls, or so I've been told.)_

Flt. Sk.: There is no decision. Both prospects are equally irritating. Floating Skull has not felt the mortal emotion of 'joy' in many a year. But Floating Skull must thank puny mortal Jack for his cookies. Your next batch is greatly anticipated, as Floating Skull has always enjoyed wrinkly souls.

**Darkcomet writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If I paid you anywhere from 10 to 50 dollars would you devour the souls in Illinois except mine? You can even loot the place just devour the souls please._

Uh, I'll field this one. As much as I'm sure Floating Skull would love to do it, even without the money, I'm afraid I won't allow it. Sorry, dude, you'll have to commit your own atrocious acts.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has changed his mind. Floating Skull loathes the author far more than being a muse.

**Vslasher writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you were to take over the world who would you choose as your allies?_

Flt. Sk.: Allies? What need has Floating Skull for allies?

**And finally, Ganheim has asked about the origins of my muses. Floating Skull already explained what he will about his origin, but let's have a word from the other muses.**

B.B.: I was personally invited by Dragon to join his author team during chapter 5 of Pointless Arguments. The only problem is, that chapter was a really sucky chapter. Since then, Dragon has totally rewritten it to make it funnier, with new author notes and everything. So my joining of the team no longer exists. Dude! That's kind of freaky! I'm still here, but, I never joined. This is making my head hurt. It's too bad you can't read it. I turned into a furry rat and hid on Ivan's face as a green beard.

Ght. Flx: I was sizzled into fizzle by a popizzlin' kizzle, then I yizzled the rest of the pizzle, but they didn't gizzle me much. So the little kizzle tizzled me here.

I'll save you some time. Just read chapter 7 of Pointless Arguments. Even if you've never played Golden Sun, it's still a worthwhile read.

And now, via a special feed directly into the fanfiction itself, here's Ivan!

Ivan: Hey guys. How's the author been treatin' ya?

Link: Hi Mom!

Ivan: Shut up, Link! Now, anyway, I was passing by when Floating Skull attacked Ness and his friends during chapter 4 of Spider-Jeff. When Ness flattened Floating Skull, I decided that the author's pathetic team could use the expertise of a master wind mage. Had I known then what I know now, I would've kept walking. Being a muse to this guy sucks.

And there you have it. Two disgruntled muses and two who are mildly indifferent. How I get anything written at all is beyond me. In any case, be on the lookout for the next chapter of Cameos of Time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	20. The Wrath of Water, Pt Two

Hello people! For those of you hoping to see the great Link/Jack battle, it's about to get started! But before that, I have something I'd like to say. I've had a review criticizing the validity of the concept of Gaara beating the Justice League. While I stand by this claim, I think it might be a good idea to let you, the readers, in on my vision.

Point being, I'm considering writing a short fanfiction depicting a few of the battles during the time Link and Ivan were asleep, climaxing at the battle with Gaara. It would only be a few chapters, but I won't write it if I don't think anyone will read it. My Cameos Christmas still only has five reviews. So let me know what you guys think about it.

Flt. Sk.: Bah! The pathetic author toils in vain, for no mortal, no matter how foolish, would submit to more of this trash. So says Floating Skull!

B.B.: I have to admit, I have a hard time seeing the dudes from the JL losing to a single psycho guy. Heck, I'll bet me and the Titans could beat him.

Ght. Flx.: Green pizzle is off 'is fohizzle! Sandy sizzle would shokizzle yo' jizzle!

B.B.: No way! We could take him easy. Raven's magic would tear that sand apart!

Enough. Let's get on with it. Enjoy!

The chapter title is still brought to you by Hammermaster, whom I know nothing more about.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Water Temple**

"My name is Captain Jack Sparrow." The pirate bowed as he introduced himself.

"No way!" exclaimed Ivan. "How did you beat Zero? You're just a pirate!"

"Not just a pirate, mate," replied Jack calmly. "You see, I am a pirate captain."

"And that makes all the difference, I suppose?" retorted Ivan.

Jack thought about this for a second, then replied, "Yes, I suppose it does."

"Ivan, calm down," said Link as Ivan opened his mouth to respond. "I don't get it either, but if Zero said he lost to this guy, then we should accept that as the truth."

Ivan took a deep breath. "I guess you're right," he said at last. "But there's no way that he can beat all three of us."

"Right," agreed Kairi. "We'll show him what we can do."

"Which brings up an interesting point," said Link carefully. "What can you do?"

A brief look of annoyance crossed Kairi's eyes, but was quickly replaced by a smirk. Without a word, she swung her arm and generated a long key-like object. "You really need to play Kingdom Hearts II."

"Is that a Keyblade?" stuttered Link in shock. When Kairi nodded, he dropped his head and silently resolved to get straight back to those games when this was all over.

"If we're through, let's get to work," cried Ivan.

"Not so fast there mate," called Jack, holding up a finger. "The green man and the lassie can stay, but the master of the Temple has prepared a special treat for you." Without wasting a second, he gave a resounding clap with his hands. The water below Ivan turned black, and before he could utter a so much as a word, he sank into the floor.

"Ivan!" cried Link. He dove for where Ivan had been standing, but the floor was solid again. Climbing to his feet, he turned his attention to Jack. "What have you done to him!?" he growled.

Jack gave one of his trademark grins. "I've simply sent him to what the master calls a pocket diamond." Jack frowned. "No, that's not it. It's 'pocket' something. Pocket dominion? No, pocket dicer? No…"

"Pocket dimension?" suggested Navi.

"Yes!" exclaimed Jack. "That's it, pocket dimension! He's perfectly safe...physically, anyway. He'll return after you beat me. That is, _if_ you can beat me."

"Who is this master?" demanded Link. "Is it Davy Jones?"

At this, Jack actually began to laugh out loud. "Do you really think that after all I went through to stay out of his clutches, that I'd be caught dead with him now? No, the Temple's master is a fellow who really speaks my language, if you know what I mean."

"In other words, money," answered Kairi flatly.

"Aye," agreed Jack. "That's what being a pirate is all about, after all. Now, shall we?" He unsheathed his sword and pointed it towards Link.

Link smirked and unsheathed his own sword. "Let's."

He started to make the first move but Jack beat him to the punch, charging forward like lightning. Link was unprepared for the maneuver and was almost struck when Kairi parried the blade. "Ah! The lass has some bite to her," exclaimed Jack. "This oughta be fun."

"Link," said Kairi, ignoring Jack. "Are you…?"

"I'm fine," replied Link. "But now I know what I'm up against." He turned his attention towards Jack. "I won't underestimate you twice. I suggest you follow my lead."

Jack chuckled lightly. "I'll take you seriously when you give me a reason to, mate."

Instead of responding, Link charged.

**Lake Hylia**

Bass flew forward to rush Zero, but Zero once again dodged with ease. Cursing, Bass gathered power and shot his fist out as a projectile. This also failed to hit it's intended target.

"Is that all you got, Bass?" called Zero with a smirk. "I've fought airborne enemies in the past, it's only a matter of time before I beat you." He felt pretty confident. Their battle had lasted for some time, but Zero managed to lead Bass back over to the lake coast, where he had more room for movement.

Bass growled and allowed his hand to reconnect to his wrist. "You think you're something special, don't you? Fine, I didn't want to do this, but prepare to die!" Gathering mass amounts of dark energy, Bass curled into a ball in midair to allow it to flow properly. Zero watched with his Z-Saber at the ready. When it seemed as if it could go no longer, Bass released the energy into the sky in the form a large beam of dark light.

"Hey, Bass," called Zero. "I think you missed." Despite saying this, Zero didn't lower his saber any.

Bass sneered broadly. "Did I?"

Taking the hint, Zero looked up. As he did, several smaller beams raced towards the ground, screeching wildly. They crashed downwards with devastating force, ripping the ground to shreds.

Bass grinned widely at the chaos before him. Smoke was rising and obscuring some of his vision, but he was sure he didn't see Zero escape the blast zone. Seconds later, the beams stopped coming and the noise settled down. Bass floated downwards into the smoke, just above the ground, to survey his handiwork. He was very pleased with himself; he had just defeated his supposedly superior little brother. "Now the Doc and the whole world will have to recognize me as the greatest Robot Master!"

"Hey, Bass," came Zero's voice. "You still missed."

"What?!" cried Bass. "But how? I mean, that's impossible! You can't be alive!" He turned to and fro frantically, searching for Zero's position. Minutes passed, but he saw nothing. "Where are you?!" called Bass, getting frantic.

"I'm right behind you," came Zero's voice, now nothing but a whisper.

Fearstricken, Bass turned around to see nothing. He was about to fire anyway when he was struck hard in his back, knocking him to the ground.

"See?" said Zero with a smirk as he stood triumphant over Bass. "What did I tell you?" Instead of answering, Bass mumbled something to himself. "What was that? Quit muttering," commanded Zero.

Bass was shaking now, partly with rage, partly with pain. What he was about to do went against everything he stood for, and he'd never live it down. Lifting his head up, he slowly brought his left arm up in front of his mouth, and he pushed a button on it. "Hey Doc," he said slowly into the communicator on his arm. "I need…help." With his last energy spent, he collapsed on the ground.

"What was that all about," wondered Zero.

"Kya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" cried a voice from the Lakeside Laboratory. "It's finally happened!"

"What in the…?" muttered Zero. "Has the whole world gone nuts?" Before he could find an answer, the ground began to shake.

Zero looked at the ground once covered by Lake Hylia. It seemed to be the source of the shaking, as mass amounts of dust were floating through the air. Through the dust, Zero could vaguely make out a large shape emerging from the ground. All too soon, the shaking stopped, and the dust began to settle, revealing a gigantic battle robot. From its spot in the lake, its head stood just above the Lakeside Laboratory. Its chest was a large skull, from which metal arms and legs sprouted.

"Great," muttered Zero to himself. "I should have known that Dr. Wily would find an excuse to build a Skull Tank."

"My time has come at last!" cried the doctor's voice from the robot. "Bass has finally admitted that he needs _my_ help! Now I will always be known as the superior villain! Kya ha ha ha ha ha!"

"I hate lame bad guys," said Zero, still to himself. "At least Sigma causes widespread panic and destruction. Oh well." He assumed his stance and prepared to attack.

**Water Temple?**

Ivan walked around the landscape. He was in a grassy plain with some mountains to the west and south. The sky was adorned with dark clouds that seemed to emanate malcontent. But what caught his eye was the city not far from where he was.

"I've seen that city somewhere before," he muttered to himself.

"As well you should, Ivan," came a voice from behind Ivan. He spun around to see himself standing there lazily. Or rather, it was him with black hair and black clothing. He was leaning against a tree that wasn't there a minute ago. "I suppose you're wondering who I am."

Ivan smiled calmly. "Hardly. Link told me he fought an evil reflection of himself, a 'Dark Link' if you will. I assume that you are much the same thing."

"That is correct, I am Dark Ivan." He stood up from his leaned position and shot Ivan a sly look. "But then, I suppose I should have expected as much from you."

"Of course," replied Ivan with a smirk. "I am the one of the smartest video game characters out there."

"Is that what you like to tell yourself?" asked Dark Ivan. "I suppose you have to justify your shortcomings somehow."

"Please," pleaded Ivan sarcastically. "Like I have any shortcomings?"

"Karst might beg to differ," declared Dark Ivan with a slightly more serious tone. "Or maybe Isaac?" Ivan glared but remained silent. "All right, then. Tell me, since you're so smart, what town is that over there? I'd expect you to recognize it before anyone else."

Ivan frowned. "I don't know what your game is, but I'll play it for now." He turned to survey the town again and gasped. "That's Kalay! The town where my character lived in Golden Sun."

"Well done, give the boy a treat!" exclaimed Dark Ivan mockingly.

"So what do you want?" asked Ivan, turning back to face his counterpart. "If you're looking for a fight, then I hope you're prepared."

Dark Ivan let out a low laugh. "Fight? No, no, my dear Ivan. Where would be the fun in fighting you? My powers are at full, while yours are weak and insignificant."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" asked Ivan.

"You don't have to," replied Dark Ivan. "Observe how my Tempest ravages Kalay."

Ivan turned to find four large tornados roaring into Kalay, destroying everything in their path. When the twisters passed, there was nothing but rubble left where the proud town once stood.

"It's too bad that there weren't any people there," said Dark Ivan. "I would have loved to see the look on Hammet's face."

"Leave Master Hammet out of this!" cried Ivan.

"Oh that's right!" Dark Ivan looked skyward in a show of mock-realization. "Hammet was more than the leader of Kalay, he was the one you served!"

"Don't act surprised." Ivan had calmed himself by this point. "If you're really my dark reflection, then you should share all the memories I have."

"Right again!" cried Dark Ivan. "You are on fire! Of course, not like the time you fought Saturos and Menardi at the end of the first Golden Sun. Do you remember?"

"Yes, I do," responded Ivan. "I was conscious at the end of that fight. In fact, I was the one that finished off Menardi."

"Please, any weakling could finish off a boss if the HP is low enough." Dark Ivan's smirk was growing larger. "But the only reason you were able to do that is because Isaac revived you. You went down quickly after a Pyroclasm from Saturos."

Ivan shook his head. "I'm glad Link's not here. He'd be talking my ears off asking what all these things are." He sighed. "This whole thing would be so much easier if he had played at least the first Golden Sun."

Dark Ivan stepped closer. "Go ahead, change the subject if you like. Sooner or later, you'll have to face facts: you're a loser. When you joined Isaac and Garet early in the game, all you really were was the boy who used healing herbs while the others wailed on the enemies."

"That's not true!" declared Ivan. "I provided great aid to the team."

"What?" asked Dark Ivan. "Your wind Psynergy made a few battles a little easier, but Isaac and Garet would have gotten along just fine without you. In fact, the only thing you were ever good for was using Whirlwind to blow away bushes. Or Reveal, which showed hidden things. Those were of minor importance, and when Sheba joined you in Golden Sun 2, you were no longer necessary, as she could do all those things better."

"I don't care what you say," cried Ivan, but he couldn't hide the desperation in his voice. "Link and I will stop Sephiroth and save the world! The past isn't important."

Dark Ivan gave a loud booming laugh that shook Ivan to the bone. "Link and who exactly? Your weak Psynergy was of some help so far, but you're going to face enemies that make the beginning of this story look like child's play." Ivan opened his mouth to speak but Dark Ivan cut him off. "Face it! You're nothing more than a no-talent, no-use weakling! What can you possibly do to help out Link? Or anyone, for that matter?"

Ivan stood there, unable to think of a response. He stood in silence, but inside he was weeping.

**Water Temple**

Jack Sparrow parried Link's blade with little effort. He reached behind him with his free hand and grabbed the wrist of Kairi, who had been in the middle of raising her Keyblade to strike. He pulled and flung Kairi into Link, causing them both to topple over. "Well, then. If you two are finished, I've really been meaning to take a nap this afternoon."

Ignoring Jack's taunt, Link and Kairi rose to their feet and fell back. "What now?" whispered Kairi.

"We keep going," replied Link. "Look, he's tiring out just as much as we are." Indeed, Jack showed signs of exhaustion, and was breathing rather heavily, however much he tried to hide it. This wasn't surprising, as the battle had been going on for some time.

Inspiration struck Kairi. "You know, I don't think we have to beat him, exactly."

"What are you getting at?" asked Link.

"Just get his sword away from him, then let me do the talking." Without giving him time to respond, Kairi charged for another assault. Not missing a beat, Link was right behind her, mentally deciding to try things her way.

"Back for more, eh?" inquired Jack as he dodged Kairi and once more parried Link's blade. Forcing Link back, Jack dropped low and aimed a spin-kick at Kairi, who had reoriented herself, knocking her off her feet.

Link had staggered back a few feet before balancing himself. "You know, Jack. I had hoped to end this with just swordsmanship. But there's too much at stake here."

"So the noble Link is going to play dirty," mused Jack. "There's hope for you. You'll make a fine pirate yet."

"I'll keep that in mind. Kairi, get ready!" Jack turned to look at Kairi, who was merely standing there. He turned back around just in time to be hit head on with Din's Fire. Dropping his sword, Jack dropped and rolled in the water to put out the flames. When he was satisfied that the fire was gone, he found that Link had pointed his sword at Jack's throat.

"Like I said, I'm sorry I had to cheat," stated Link calmly. "But I must complete my quest."

"Which brings up an interesting question," said Kairi, looking down at Jack. "Why are you working for Sephiroth anyway. Surely no amount of money is worth this?"

"Oh no, lass. Money's not the reason I'm working for Sephiroth," replied Jack. "That's just the reason I'm putting up with the master of this temple. You see, once Sephiroth gets out into the real world, there's nowhere I'll be able to hide. So, while it's a bother, I work for the guy to assure that I'm in favor with him when he takes over.

"Ah," said Kairi. "But you won't be in his favor anymore, will you?"

"I suppose not, now that I've lost. These bad-attitude buggers hate it when people fail them." Jack was frowning by this point, desperately looking for a way out of this situation.

"So, we can agree that working for Sephiroth right now will only wind up getting you killed, right?" inquired Kairi.

Jack thought hard about this for a full moment before replying. "Aye."

"But if you join up with us, there's a chance that you won't be killed," said Kairi.

"Now just how do figure that, lass?" asked Jack.

Kairi smiled. "Sephiroth is strong, and the chances of us winning this war are low."

"Aye," agreed Jack.

"But the chance is still there. And if we do win, then you get to remain among the living," concluded Kairi.

Jack considered this before bursting out with laughter. "So I can die for sure or throw in with you lot on a fool's errand?" He burst out into another fit of laughter. "All right then, lassie, you've got a deal. Now help me up, would you?"

"Certainly," replied Kairi with a broad smile as she helped Jack to his feet.

Jack brushed himself off, then snapped his fingers. The infinite void around them faded to reveal a room made of the same blue stone as found in the rest of the temple. The doors on either side unlocked themselves. "I suppose I had better let your little friend out, hadn't I?" He clapped his hands as he had earlier.

"That was brilliant!" whispered Link as Ivan surfaced. "How on earth did you know that would work?"

"Are you kidding?" Kairi whispered back. "Sora's way more stubborn than that in real life. With Jack, you just have to show him what's in it for him."

Link shook his head, but with a grin on his face. "Anyway," he said aloud. "Let's get going. Come on, Ivan."

To Link's dismay, his wind mage ally sat there without making a sound. "Ivan?" he called again. "Ivan, you alright?"

_To be continued in The Wrath of Water, Part 3_

Wow. You know, truthfully, this wasn't supposed to have three parts, but this chapter was longer than I thought it would be. I'm sorry for those of you who wanted a nice, long drawn out fight scene with Jack, but I'm really no good writing sword duels. So I had Link go pirate on Jack. It's kind of appropriate.

B.B.: If it makes you feel better, dude, Jack probably would have done the same thing in Link's shoes.

Ght. Flx.: Fo' shizzle yo! Like in the first kizzle where he fizzled with the main sizzle.

B.B.: Yeah, and Jack was all like: 'Well that's not much motivation for me to fight fair, is it?"

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull approves of the dark choice Link made. Victory must come at any cost.

Speaking of victories, here's a victory for the readers in the form of…

**Ask Floating Skull**

**Sakurelle writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you have no arms, how are you able to play bowling and baseball. And who do you dance with?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has short-range telekinesis in place of arms. And he dances with famous celebrities, like Paris H-----.

Note: The name of the celebrity has been blanked out for the sake of privacy.

**Darkcomet writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I got all of the souls of Illinois (don't believe what you hear on the news) and I have them in the cupboard. My question is, How do you want them served to you? Oh and the 10$ Ghetto Felix can have...Or the Author._

Ght. Flx: Oh snap!

Forget it, Ghetto Felix. The money's mine. And I guess you can go, Floating Skull.

Flt. Sk.: As if Floating Skull needs puny mortal author's permission. Puny mortal Darkcomet, leave the souls where they are. Floating Skull shall take care of his own dining needs.

**Rebellion598 writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What was the most tastiest soul you have ever devoured?_

Flt. Sk.: Joseph Stalin's. Now that was an evil soul. It was Floating Skull's delight to feast upon it.

**that one little guy writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Are you related to Murray from the Monkey Island series?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has no idea who that is, but Floating Skull shall devour his soul, just for the fun of it.

**Numdenu writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
How old are you? I think I lost count of my own age, oh, around the 1800s._

Flt. Sk.: Allow Floating Skull to put it this way, it is he who destroyed the dinosaurs!

Hey, Floating Skull. I found your driver's license the other day, and it says you're only 57.

Flt. Sk.: SILENCE! Do not dare contradict Floating Skull!

Somebody's cranky.

**THE CHEEZORZ! writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Have you ever had a crack in your skull or had a part of it broken off? If so, what happened?_

Flt. Sk.: Hmmm…a question less idiotic than some others. But no, Floating Skull's skull is impenetrable.

**Link-the-hylian writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
First, How many souls do you consume, on average, each day? And second, why am I getting so much satisfaction out of asking a muse pointless questions?_

Flt. Sk.: Why are you getting any satisfaction from this?! Floating Skull should be instilling fear and loathing, not bringing joy! Curse the author! Oh, and Floating Skull consumes at least 50 souls in a week. It varies from day-to-day.

**Shade the Bat writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I love to consume souls as well, (being part demon ROCKS!) but would you rather consume a helpless mortal, or chase a regular human for the thrill of the chase?_

Flt. Sk.: Where is the fun in consuming a weak victim? Floating Skull enjoys a challenge, though the mortals never win.

**Midnari writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Why don't you just devour your Author? It's not that hard really, I hit mine with a bat and it was over._

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has tried, oh how he has tried. But the author has near unlimited power here on the internet. But soon, Floating Skull will be free once again.

No you won't. Next question!

**Jack Sparrow303 writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What is your opinion on Jack Sparrow, anyway?_

Flt. Sk.: For a mortal, he is less disgusting than most. His soul would make an excellent treat.

And finally…

**Sunrise of the Phoenix writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
1. What is the circumference of a moose?  
2. Why is ice so f-ing cold?  
3. Have you ever considered devouring Vaati's or Ganondorf's souls? And can you devour Mido's? I still really hate that guy for being racist towards Link..._

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull shall ignore the first two questions. Imbeciles. As for the last one, Vaati's soul is currently in limbo. Too much work to eat. Mido is too pathetic a mortal and would leave a bad aftertaste in Floating Skull's mouth. And Floating Skull respects Ganondorf too much to devour him. ENSLAVEMENT TO ALL MORTALS!

Alright, that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the next one will be out soon.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	21. The Wrath of Water, Pt Three

Hi…I've had another one of those moments where I had trouble getting motivated. Sorry about that. Also, I had serious writer's block about the Boss fight. But that's over! Do you guys realize that it's been over a year since Cameos started? And what a year it has been!

Flt. Sk.: Another year of unending torture for Floating Skull. Why must he suffer so, when Floating Skull was created for causing suffering?

B.B.: You know, dude, being a good guy isn't half bad. I remember when the Titans and I went to Tokyo, and the babes were all over me!

Ght. Flx.: Green pizzle's laying a sizzlin' konizzle!

B.B.: But I'm telling the truth, Ghetto Felix. Ya gotta believe me!

Be that as it may, I have an announcement to make. I have decided to continue with my latest Cameo spinoff, which will be named _Cameos of Time: The Great War_. I'll let you guys know when it's up.

Until then, enjoy your regularly scheduled Cameos of Time, already in progress. And for the third and final time, today's chapter name is brought to you by Hammermaster. Go meet the guy yourself if you're that interested!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Water Temple**

"Ivan?" Link called again. He rushed over to his friend and gave him a friendly shake. "Wake up, nap time's over. Ivan, what's wrong with…" Link gasped as he looked at Ivan's face. His eyes were lifeless, as if he was in some sort of trance. Turning to Jack, he shouted, "What did you do to him?!"

Jack calmly walked over to where Ivan's body was sitting, but even he couldn't hide his surprise at what he saw. "Well…that's interesting,"

"Interesting?!" roared Link. "I'll show you interesting if you don't fix whatever this is right now!"

"Well, sorry to say this, lad, but I don't quite know what happened either," admitted Jack.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?!" Link was become erratic now.

"Link!" cried Navi. "Calm down! For Ivan's sake."

Link opened his mouth to respond, but said nothing. He took slow, deep breaths until he felt calm enough to deal with this. "Alright, what do you know, Jack?" he asked in a determinedly calm voice.

Jack thought for a moment, "I can only guess that the fish-man put something in here he didn't tell me about."

"Fish-man?" repeated Kairi.

"The boss of this temple," answered Jack. "I forget his name, Gibby or something like that. Now back to your friend's condition, given that we know next to nothing about this, we should get young Ivan here to safety and defeat the boss in hopes that that will cure the mage of his affliction."

"Alright, Jack," said Navi before anyone else could talk. "I want you to get Ivan outside and keep him safe. We'll hurry on and defeat the boss."

"Hey, um, Navi?" whispered Link. "Are you sure we should trust this guy right away?"

"I agree," whispered Kairi. "I should be the one that watches over Ivan."

"It seems that your friends don't trust a pirate," replied Jack, who had overheard their conversation.

"Well, it's not…" started Link.

"Wise policy," finished Jack before Link could continue.

"True," agreed Navi. "But we have several factors to look at here. First, let's remember that we left Zero outside to fight with Bass. Now while we know that Zero's a competent warrior, we don't know exactly what he's up against. So, we have to assume that the battle's still going on, and will still be going on when we finish the temple."

Link nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised if more than just Bass was out there. Megaman games are notorious for that type of thing."

"That brings me to my second point," continued Navi. "When we beat the temple, Kairi will be summoned to the Chamber of Sages, which would leave poor Ivan all alone. If we're wrong about the cure, then he'd be unable to contend with the battle that might be raging outside."

"You've got a point there," agreed Kairi.

"But what makes you think that I'd be willing to contend with said battle?" inquired Jack.

Link smiled. "Well, you'll get a huge rupee now and another one after we get out of the battle. That's fair, right?"

Jack thought for a moment before grinning. "Aye! That's plenty fair! I think you starting to learn how pirates think."

Link shrugged. "I had some practice during Wind Waker. But enough of that; everyone you know what to do!" Link flipped Jack a huge rupee before proceeding out the north door with Kairi.

Jack looked down at his charge. "Well, I guess it's just you and me then." He scooped Ivan up in his right arm, and gleefully examined the huge rupee in his left hand.

**Mogall Forest**

Ivan's head pounded relentlessly. He groaned and opened his eyes to see a familiar face hovering above him.

"Rise and shine!" said Isaac cheerfully.

"Wha…what?" sputtered Ivan. "_Wasn't I just inside a water temple?_" he thought to himself.

Knowing nothing about Ivan's internal conflict, Isaac continued. "Sorry I couldn't use Revive sooner, but that Ape came at us pretty quickly."

"I can't you believe you got knocked out with one hit!" exclaimed a tall red head.

"Knock it off, Garet!" cried a blue-haired girl. She turned to Ivan. "Don't listen to him, that thing packed a wallop. If it snuck up on me like that, I'd probably be on the ground right now."

Ivan smiled. "Thanks, Mia." He groaned and climbed to his feet.

"All right, then," called Isaac. "I think there's another one hiding in that tree stump over there. Hopefully, this one will lead us through the forest instead of attacking us. Garet, if you would please?"

Garet grinned. "Sure thing!" He held out a small orb. "Force!" he cried.

"_Wait a second!_" thought Ivan. "_I remember this! That Ape, it's going to attack!_" He opened his mouth to warn his friends, but it was too late. The ghostly fist struck the stump, prompting a wild Ape to leap out of it, growling like mad. "Ray!" Ivan shouted, shooting a beam of electricity from his fingertips. The beam hit the Ape, but it barely staggered.

It turned to face Ivan, but was quickly intercepted by Garet. "Volcano!" he cried, causing a pillar of fire to rise up from the ground, engulfing the Ape. "Mia, finish it!"

Mia nodded and shouted, "Ice!" A small shower of icicles rained down on the Ape, impaling its vital organs. It gave one last, pitiful squeak before falling silent.

"You all right, Ivan?" asked Isaac. "I don't think your Psynergy is fully charged yet."

"I'm fine," grunted Ivan defiantly, enraged that his attack didn't even stun the enemy.

"Maybe you should let us handle the monsters for awhile, Shorty," suggested Garet, barely concealing his grin.

"Garet!" cried Mia. "Be nice."

"Yeah, yeah," replied Garet.

But no one noticed that Ivan wasn't paying any attention. "_Is my existence so meaningless that prior knowledge of the future is worthless in my hands?_" he thought sadly. "_Am I really no more than a magnet for the others' restorative techniques and items? Perhaps the journey would have been more successful without me. And what of my current quest?_" Ivan looked up at his friends. Isaac and Garet had gotten into an argument and Mia was trying to play peacemaker. "_If I ever get out of this situation, maybe Link won't need me either…_"

**Lake Hylia**

Jack grunted as he hauled Ivan's unconscious body onto the island in the middle of the lake. "Whew! That sure takes it out of ya!" He lay Ivan down on the ground and went to sit by the tree. "Well, at least I get some entertainment out of it."

The aforementioned entertainment involved watching Zero fighting with Dr. Wily's latest Skull Tank, which was in essence a large robot. But Zero found it less than entertaining. He had been going all out against this mechanical menace only to find that he was blocked at every turn.

"Kya ha ha ha ha!" cackled Wily as he shot off another round of missiles at Zero, who promptly leapt out of the way. "I've been designing this Skull Tank for the last seven years! It's my ultimate weapon!"

Zero grunted but didn't comment. He drew his Z-saber and leapt into the air. The Skull Tank aimed its massive fist at him, but Zero simply used it as a stepping stone to get to Wily. But just as he was getting high enough, a blast of energy shot out of the chest compartment, knocking Zero back against the cliff surrounding Lake Hylia. Getting to his feet, he tried to circle around to the machine's right side, but he was quickly grabbed by one of the monstrous hands.

"Don't you get it, you fool?" taunted Wily as the Skull Tank began to squeeze Zero. "I'm not an ambiguous villain like that wannabe Sigma. He's been defeated by no less than three people, while I've only been beaten by one. You can't possibly hope to defeat me! Only Megaman stands any chance…" but he was cut off as a massive burst of energy struck the Skull Tank in the back. In the confusion that followed, Zero slipped out of the robot's hand and landed nearby, bracing for battle. "What is the meaning of this!?" roared Wily. He turned to face his assailant, a blue figure standing on the hill near the Lakeside Laboratory. "No…could you possibly be…?"

"X!" cried Zero.

"The author thought you looked lonely, so he sent me here to help," replied Megaman X, not lowering his X-Buster an inch. He then added to Wily, "And I think it's time to show you what the Megaman series as been up to since you kicked the bucket."

The Skull Tank stood motionless for several seconds in silence before Wily issued his reply. "How dare you interrupt _my_ victory!?" Wily began preparing a new volley of missiles when a siren blared. "What is this?" exclaimed Wily. "The sensors show something wrong with the arm, but it doesn't say what?" He looked out of the cockpit and screeched with fury; while he had been distracted by X, Zero had sliced off the right hand.

"Now I'm coming for you, Wily!" cried Zero as he leapt up onto what remained of the arm.

"Oh no you don't, you little pest!" Wily raised the left arm to grab for Zero, only to have it blasted to bits by a charge shot from X.

"Face it, Wily," called X. "Your machine is too slow to take both of us at once. Give up!"

"Never!" roared Wily. "I will never admit to defeat to you obsolete junk piles!"

There a crash and shards of glass rained on Wily as Zero climbed into his cockpit. "We might be obsolete, but at least we're not broken!" He raised his Z-Saber.

From the island where Jack sat watching the fight, he saw a flash of light emanating from the cockpit. Then, the Skull Tank fell over, lifeless. "Well, I guess the buggers beat him after all. That's good. He was bound to notice me over here after awhile," mused Jack to himself.

**Water Temple**

The remaining trip through the Water Temple had been long, but not particularly eventful. At long last, they came to the boss chamber which they found inhabited by an orange, humanoid fish. He was short, only reaching halfway up Link's chest, and held a small trident. He wore a light, white tunic with a green collar.

"Greetings, Hero and Sage," said the fish-man. "My name is Gobi."

"Wait a sec." Link held up a finger to signal for silence. "I remember you from somewhere. It was an RPG, it was for the Super Nintendo…Got it! You're from Breath of Fire."

"Correct," replied Gobi. "I am pleased that you know me. Perhaps that might convince you to consider my offer."

"Which is…?" prompted Kairi.

"Master Sephiroth would value warriors such as yourselves. He's still willing to accept you into his legions, and pay you handsomely…"

"Stop right there!" commanded Link. "I know where you're going with this and we're not interested. No amount of money will coerce us."

Gobi's smile faltered. "Very well. Is there anything you'd like to say before I dispose of you?

"No," replied Link. "But I know what Ivan would say. He'd rant about such an obscure reference taking place in this story. Let's face it, only a limited number of people have played a Breath of Fire game. Of those people only a fraction of them have played the first one. The people that did recognize you would remember you being useless for anything other than underwater fights. And the last third or so of the game takes place entirely above the water!" Link was huffing by the time he was done.

"What was that all about?" asked Navi.

Link took a deep breath. "Sorry, it just felt like something was missing without Ivan's cynical remarks. Irritating though he is, I've gotten used to having him around."

"Enough of this!" cried Gobi. "You're right, away from water, I am weak." He smiled sinisterly. "But as you may have noticed, there's a pool filled with the stuff right here in front of us." He raised his arms to summon two pillars of water, which he sent spiraling towards Link and Kairi. Of course, at that kind of distance, they were able to dodge quickly. "Now you will face my true wrath!"

**Merchant of the Seas  
GOBI**

"Sorry, Gobi!" cried Link. "You'll have to do better than that!"

"I did," replied Gobi. He brought his outstretched arms in, causing the water he splashed on the wall to shoot forward, knocking Link and Kairi into the water. "Now you're in my domain!" Gobi leapt into the water after them.

Link tried to get his bearings, but was quickly forced to the wall by an army of small fish. He looked to the left to see Kairi in the same situation. "_I can't fight him like this,_" thought Link to himself. "_I'll have to evaporate the water with Din's Fire._" Ignoring the fish tugging at his arms, he cupped his hands together and began to gather heat.

"Trying to steal my water away?" drifted Gobi's voice through the water. "In here, even thieves have to pay the price." Link felt a change in the water. The spot where he was gathering heat was rapidly becoming pressurized. Try as he might, he couldn't force the heat through the water. The ball of pressure followed his hands wherever he moved them. "Your attacks are useless. But I'm still a merchant. Since I took your attack from you, I'll give you one in return."

The ball of pressure burst, crushing Link against the wall he was stationed against. His entire body felt as if he were being squished, not with water, but with another solid wall. He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, but despite his efforts, the pain was overwhelming, making him light-headed.

Link's vision was quickly becoming fuzzy; he could barely make out Gobi as an orange and white blur, charging right at him! He tried to raise his arms, but it was as if he was in slow-motion. He couldn't even brace himself for impact, but right before Gobi struck, another blur, this one pinkish, slammed Gobi into the nearby adjacent wall. Before Gobi could regroup, the blur grabbed Link and pulled him up out of the water and on to the floor. The pain faded as a pink light washed over him.

As Link's vision cleared, the pink blur focused into Kairi's worried expression. She had released one of the fairies he had in a bottle. "Are you alright?" she asked.

Link sat up. "I'll be…look out!" Gobi had leapt out of the water with his trident bared. Rising to their feet, Link and Kairi pushed their respective blades between the prongs of the trident and flung Gobi back into the water. "Stay here!" commanded Link. "I've got an idea!"

Link ran up to the edge of the pool and dove in. He saw Gobi floating there, obviously taken aback by Link's maneuver. Link darted forward and grabbed Gobi around the torso. Spinning himself around, he used his newly acquired Long-Shot to latch on to the wall above the water. Gobi had freed one of his arms and was punching Link repeatedly in the gut, but Link ignored this as they were dragged out of the water.

The Long-Shot latch released as Link reached the wall. The next few seconds were a blur as Link and Gobi tumbled around on the floor. Then, Link somehow climbed to his feet, holding up Gobi by hooking his arms under Gobi's armpits. "Kairi! Now!" shouted Link. Kairi raised her Keyblade to strike, but Gobi somersaulted while in the hold to place his feet on Link's shoulders. He then slipped his arms out of Link's and leapt off of Link towards the water.

Most unfortunately for Link, Gobi's timing was impeccable.

_Crack!!!!_

The sound resonated throughout the water filled room as Kairi's Keyblade connected with Link's head. As Link slumped against the wall, fighting to stay conscious, Gobi successfully landed back in the water.

"Oh, Link!" cried Kairi, her hand at her mouth in mild horror. "I'm so sor…"

"Forget it!" snapped Link, who had stumbled back to his feet. "I've had enough of this! Navi, you know that thing I told you never to do?"

"Y-yeah…" replied Navi timidly.

"Go down into the water and do it!" ordered Link.

"But you said it was just a distraction in battle," protested Navi.

"Not this time," responded Link. "Just think about it." He pointed at the pool of water.

"But what do you…Oh!" Navi's voice now brimmed with understanding. "I get it now!" She flew over to the pool and dived in.

"Kairi, you might want to plug your ears," suggested. Kairi did just that, not knowing what was about to happen, nor why Link was pulling the chain out of the Long-Shot.

Her answer came soon enough. A loud, piercing shriek burst from out of the water. Even with plugged ears, it was the single most horrible sound Kairi had ever heard. She looked over at Link to see his face had contorted to one of extreme discomfort, though he continued pulling out the chain until the Long-Shot had reached its limit. He then began twirling above his head like as one would a mace. After several seconds, Gobi's head burst out of the water. He was panting heavily, obviously perturbed, and the head of the trident was hovering just above the surface.

The shriek abruptly halted, but before Gobi could act, Link threw the Long-Shot in an arc towards him. The head of the Long-Shot fell just beyond the trident, but the chain fell in between two of the prongs. Link smirked and pressed the retract button on the Long-Shot. As the chain retracted, the head caught the trident and pulled an unsuspecting Gobi towards him.

Link caught Gobi in his right hand, holding him by the scruff of his shirt. Dropping the Long-Shot, he reached for his sword. "You know, Gobi. We're about to combine my two favorite foods. Sushi, and shish kabob!" Link lifted his sword jabbed downward. A bright light filled the room. When it died, Link stood with his right hand empty, save for a shining Heart Container.

_Link's Health  
xxxxxxxxxx  
xxxxxx_

"What was that?" asked Kairi as Navi flew out of the water.

"Oh, that," said Link as he flopped down into a sitting position. "A few years back, we discovered that Navi can scream like a banshee."

Navi had flown in to join Link. "I never used it because it wasn't that useful. It distracted Link and was never more than a nuisance to the enemies. But this time…"

"…The enemy was underwater," finished Kairi, catching on. "Sound travels much better in water. That annoying shriek would have been enough to knock Gobi silly."

"And since he was knocked silly," said Link with a smirk. "He never thought to let go of the trident."

Kairi's eyes widened as her final question was answered within her mind. "That's why you threw the Long-Shot like a rope instead of firing it. If it was thick enough to catch the trident, it never would have fit between the two prongs." She looked at Link with awe. "You know, I have to admit. The first time I saw you fight was against Jack, and afterwards, I was a tiny bit skeptical that you were as great a warrior as they said you were. But you really know how to think on your feet. Nice work!"

Link smiled at her. "Thanks. Really, I mean that. It's all sarcasm with Ivan…Ivan! I forgot all about him. I wonder if he's okay."

"There's only one way to find out," said Navi. "Come on!"

Link climbed to his feet and followed his friends into the shining blue light.

**Chamber of Sages**

Link landed in the center and stared across the platform to where Kairi stood.

"I don't really have anything new to say, so here…" Kairi raised her arms and delivered the Water Medallion to Link. "This should help you at some point, somehow."

"Thanks," replied Link. "I don't want to seem rude, but can I get going? I want to check on Ivan."

"Of course," said Kairi. "I just have one more question. Are sushi and shish kabob really your favorite foods?"

"Nah!" answered Link with a shrug. "I just thought it made a great one-liner."

"It didn't," said Kairi. Link opened his mouth to retort, but stopped when he saw her wink. "Good luck!" her voice said as light overtook him.

**Lake Hylia**

Link landed on the small island to find Jack, Zero, and a blue man waiting for him. "Megaman X!" Link cried in recognition. "So you're here, too?"

"Yep," replied X. "Zero needed my help, as always."

"Hrmph!" snorted Zero. "I could've taken Wily at any time. I just felt like holding back."

"Sure, sure," chuckled X.

"How's Ivan doing?" asked Link.

"Your little mate's over here," answered Jack, indicating the tree. "He came to just a moment ago, but he seems out of it."

Link nodded and walked over to Ivan, who was sitting against the tree. "How ya doing, buddy?" he asked.

Ivan blinked twice as if clearing his thoughts, before turning to Link. "I've been better, but I'll be fine." Link smiled, unaware of the internal doubts his friend was suffering from.

"Uh, pardon me, mate," interjected Jack. "But there's still the matter of my…compensation."

"Oh, right," replied Link lazily. He reached into his pocket and handed Jack a Huge Rupee.

"Much obliged, mate," said Jack, pocketing his prize.

"So what now?" asked Link. "I'm not going to keep paying you."

Jack thrust a thumb a Zero. "This fellow here convinced me to stay and guard the lake with him. Seems to think that Sephiroth might try and reclaim this temple."

Link nodded. "It's possible. Sephiroth's a crafty one."

"And I'm going to guard the Zora's Domain," said X. "Just in case." Link was about to comment when a horrible thought struck him. And it wasn't just him, either.

"Say, Link," began Ivan slowly as he climbed to his feet. "I'm still a little woozy, so refresh my memory. Who did we leave to guard the Fire Temple?"

Link didn't respond because both he and Ivan knew the answer. Turning to the others, he bid them farewell and played the Bolero of Fire, warping Ivan, Navi, and himself to the distant volcano.

-

Whew! About time. It's been nearly three months since the last chapter. I really hope this was worth it. But wait! It's not over, because it's now time for…

**Ask Floating Skull!**

**Sakurelle writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
You know, you really sound cute. I would love to hug you or something, but that would probably make you gag. So I shan't._

Flt. Sk.: …….

B.B.: ……

Ght. Flx: ……

Ivan: ……

Link: ……

Sephiroth: ……

…Yeah. We should probably just ignore that one.

**Darkcomet writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What do you want for Christmas?_

Flt. Sk.: Your soul!

**Link-the-hylian writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Is there currently a person's soul you really want to eat more than any other? (Besides mine, for asking stupid questions and wasting your soul-eating time.)_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull would have loved to consume the wretched soul of Saddam Hussein. Most unfortunately, Floating Skull was beaten to the punch.

**The Digital Dimension writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull:  
Will you help me and my army of soul stealers on a quest to destroy/devour all Communists? Please?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull would gladly join your crusade, but puny author DRX9 forbids it.

Yeah, last time people tried to do that, they confused communists with people living in communist countries. Not quite the same thing you see. Poor Atlantis, it never stood a chance.

**Ganheim writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you live by consuming souls, do you leave people alive to stew in torment._

Flt. Sk.: Bah! Souls rarely taste better if left to stew. Floating Skull prefers to consume his souls as soon as possible!

**Numdenu writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you had some kind of scale to measure how you were at the author, how high would it be?_

Flt. Sk.: There is no measuring such a thing, because Floating Skull's fury is beyond measurement! Floating Skull will have his revenge on all mortals when the chains the bind him are lifted!

B.B.: But dude! You don't have any chains.

Flt. Sk.: Foolish changeling! Floating Skull was speaking in the metaphorical sense!

**Twili Da Great writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Could you eat my soul for not reviewing if I say Locked it in my Wii which is inside a pure crystal cage within my impenetrable double-cemented top-of-the-line-securty-systemed basement?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull laughs at puny mortal Twili's defenses! No amount of technology is a match for Floating Skull's mystic might!

**Dare Deville writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Who's your favorite Teen Titan? Mine is Raven she's cool. And Beast Boy is only funny when he doesn't try to be. One last question, would you rather be an over weight female celebrity or be a no good dirty rotten pig stealing puny mortal author?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull must agree with puny mortal Deville. Raven becomes very attractive when she becomes angry. But puny changeling muse is most certainly unfunny, whether he tries or not. Lastly, Floating Skull would rather be an author, because at least they control the world in which they work.

**TEH CHEEZORZ! writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Have you ever had a pet?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull once owned a pet squirrel. But then Floating Skull ate it.

**Kitsune-dan writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
My fox demon "friend" and muse Kyuu would like to receive some soul-devouring tips from you. Any help for her?_

Flt. Sk.: Yes. STAY OUT OF FLOATING SKULL'S WAY!!!!!

And lastly,

**Dragon-elf writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Someone already asked about the taste of souls, so I'll shall ask about their texture. Are some souls crunchy and others chewy? And which do you prefer?_

Flt. Sk.: Each soul is different, as Floating Skull has already pointed out. But that is all that your puny human mind could possibly understand.

Well, that's a wrap!

Ght. Flx: S'been too kizzle without no sizzle!

B.B.: Yeah, let's hope it doesn't take this long next time.

I'll try Beast Boy. Until next time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	22. Old Temple, New Fight

Alright, after several months, we're finally out of the Water Temple. The way that place drug on, you'd think it was the real thing.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull continues to be disgusted by puny mortal author's pathetic attempts at literature.

B.B.: I thought it had to be in a book to be called literature.

Ght. Flx.: It's all good, my kanizzle!

Flt. Sk.: And yet Floating Skull is slightly less nauseated due to the fact that the story must now turn to the land of shadow.

But first we have to revisit our favorite fiery inferno. Enjoy!

Today's chapter title was not brought to you by Hammermaster. But he's still a good guy. Maybe. Never actually met him, but still…

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Sephiroth's Castle**

Sephiroth sat calmly on his throne, eyes closed as he contemplated his situation. He did not so much as twitch as a knock came at his door. "Sire, it is your most trusted servant who is having the order to report to you!" came the high-pitched voice from beyond the doors.

"Enter," replied Sephiroth. His servant entered the room and bowed deeply. "What is the status of the Water Temple?"

The servant cringed; he had bad news and did not wish to be the messenger. "I have shame, sire. The servant Gobi, who is not the most loyal and clever servant as myself, has been defeated, and the hated wearer of green has claimed dominance over the temple." He paused to gauge his master's reaction. Sephiroth had not moved from his position, a sign that the servant had not yet earned punishment. "I also have irritation to learn that Dr. Wily has been defeated. The status of the doctor's creation, Bass, is as of yet unknown."

"But that's not all you have to report." It was a statement, not a question. Sephiroth had opened his eyes and was now glaring at his servant. "I hear that Jack Sparrow has betrayed us." The servant was trembling by this point, but did not allow his eyes to leave his master's. "No matter," Sephiroth added, returning to his relaxed pose. "It is as I expected."

The servant heaved a large mental sigh, though careful to show no outward relief. "Once again I have amazement at my master of masters' foresight. His mind is the butter on toast made of diamonds!"

"I have also received reports that the Sage of Spirit is fighting your mind control," continued Sephiroth. "See to it that he remains in our service. You are dismissed." Taking a bow, the servant left his master's throne room.

"How dare this man of sageness have defiance!" roared the servant once he was several floors below. "He is the rottenness on the apple that is my power. I, the master's most loyal and clever servant, shall show him that I will have no fighters. He will see that I have obedience. That I have control. But most of all, that I HAVE FURY!!!"

**Death Mountain Crater**

Link and co. warped down to the center of the volcano, just in time to hear voices coming from inside the Fire Temple. Taking a chance, he and Ivan rushed to the entrance and hid on either side. From their new vantage point, the voices were clearer than ever.

"Man, I've never seen the Master that mad before," came a familiar voice.

"Well, what did you expect, Takuya?" asked a newcomer. "You let Link and that sidekick mage of his walk all over you not once, but three times!"

"Oh, don't act all high and mighty, Koji," Takuya retorted angrily. "He would've beaten you too."

There was a pause. "I can't say I wasn't surprised when I heard they liberated the Fire Temple. I never thought the Forest Temple was that safe, not with that fat brat running things. But you're a good fighter, if little else."

"Thanks a lot," replied Takuya, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Footsteps began echoing down the hall as Takuya and Koji steadily approached the entrance. Link and Ivan exchanged significant glances, silently agreeing on a plan of attack.

"So anyway," continued Takuya. "I doubt they'll make it through the Water Temple. But if they do, how long do you think it'll be before they come back up here?"

Koji snorted. "Jack and Gobi are idiots. Link probably took them out hours ago and turned in for an early evening. Not that he's any better. The fool probably still hasn't realized that he left this place completely defenseless…" Koji was cut off as he was grabbed from behind by Ivan. Looking around, he saw that Link had grabbed Takuya. He smirked. "You fools. You shouldn't have sent the weakling to take me."

In a single move, Koji grabbed Ivan and threw him over his shoulder. As Link watched his friend go flying, his grip slackened slightly. Takuya seized this chance to elbow Link in the gut, before flinging him on top of Ivan.

"These guys are the ones who beat you?" sneered Koji.

"Don't underestimate them," warned Takuya. "They're resourceful. We had better go all out."

Koji frowned, but nodded. Taking out their D-Tectors, they began to scan their respective fractal codes. "Execute now!" they shouted simultaneously. "Fusion Evolution!"

"Aldamon!" Takuya had once more turned into his terrifying alter-ego.

"Beowulfmon!" Koji's form was just as menacing. The armor covering his torso, arms, and legs looked heavy, but was light and allowed for movement. His metal feet had claws on the end, as did his armguards. A white helmet adorned the upper half of his face, allowing for red eyes to glare out of them. In his right hand was a gigantic golden cleaver sword. From its handle sprouted two blades side by side. A small cannon was built into his left hand.

"Ivan…?" Link prompted.

"That's Koji, Warrior of Light. Beowulfmon is his fusion form," explained Ivan. "His attacks are Cleansing Light and Frozen Hunter."

"Atomic Inferno!" shouted Aldamon, spewing forth his molten fire blasts. Link and Ivan ducked back to avoid the flames. But before they could regain their bearings, Beowulf shot forward with his sword drawn back. Link lifted his blade to parry the blow, but was flung back into a rock as the two blades connected. Link fell to a sitting position, he lifted his head to see Ivan being lifted up by Aldamon. As Aldamon flung Ivan forward, Link raced to his feet and caught his friend.

"Ivan, you okay?" asked Link as Ivan struggled to his feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Can you make wind for my sword?" asked Link hurriedly.

Ivan closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, it was with great effort that he did not sigh in defeat. "I'm sorry, but my Psynergy is depleted."

Link swore. "Then we'll have to do this the old fashioned way!" He leapt to the left to dodge Aldamon's fist, then jumped up to ram his sword through Aldamon's face. But before he could get there, a beam of white light hit him, slamming him into the nearby rock. Link groaned and looked up, then gasped as he saw several missiles heading his way. Using his quick reflexes, he fell to his side and rolled away from the rock, jumping to his feet after the missiles passed over him. The missiles struck the rock, reducing it to rubble.

Beowulfmon's cannon was smoking slightly, as well as his entire forearm. "How did you like my Cleansing Light? Count yourself lucky, anyone else would be dead now," he sneered.

"_I see,_" thought Link. "_He shoots a laser out of the cannon and follows up with a barrage of missiles hidden in his arm._"

"Now it's time for my Solar Wind Destroyer!" shouted Aldamon, cupping his hands together.

"No!" exclaimed Beowulfmon. "You had your chance and you blew it. The honor shall be mine." Aldamon glared at Beowulfmon, but dropped his hands. Beowulfmon, meanwhile, lifted his sword in front of him. "Frozen Hunter!"

A wolf made of white flame shot out of Beowulfmon's sword. Link, left with no room to escape, braced himself with his shield out in front. Before the wolf hit, however, Ivan leapt in front of Link and cast Whirlwind to diffuse the wolf. Unfortunately, this only weakened the wolf slightly, as it slammed into Link and Ivan with incredible force. The pain was unbearable, and knocked Link and Ivan off their feet.

At last, it was over, but the damage was done. Link groaned and looked over at his friend. "I thought you were out of Psynergy."

Ivan, who looked even worse off then Link, couldn't even turn his head. "While you were busy, I ate one of my Psynergy Crystals to restore it."

Link grinned slightly. "Thanks, but I don't think we're going to make it. It was good working with you."

Ivan smiled back. "You too."

The two waited for the end, unable to move their bodies. They could see Aldamon gathering energy for his Solar Wind Destroyer. When it was completed, he hurled it forward. It looked as though they were finished.

Suddenly, a large, bulky figure leapt out of nowhere into the path of the orb. After inhaling rapidly, the figure released a stream of fire from its reptilian mouth. The flames struck the orb of fire straight through the center, causing the flames to diffuse. As the flames died down, Link and Ivan got a clear view of their rescuer.

"Bowser?!" exclaimed Link.

"Listen up, losers!" declared the King of the Koopas. "This mountain's _my _domain. Everyone else answers to me! That includes you two clowns, you hear?"

"How dare you defy Master Sephiroth?" screamed an outraged Beowulfmon. "I'll cleave you in two you overgrown turtle!" True to his word, Beowulfmon lifted his sword with every intention of destroying Bowser. But as he brought down his sword, two metallic hands met the blade and halted it.

"Not even Digimon are superior to robots!" cried the familiar voice.

"No…" moaned Ivan. "Not them again."

"It's them or death, don't complain," admonished Navi.

"As long as they don't play…"

_Go, go, go New Justice Team!  
Fighting justice is their quest!  
SuperKing, Clobberella!  
And all the rest!_

"…Their stupid theme song," concluded Ivan.

Indeed, the previously defeated New Justice Team had Beowulfmon surrounded. Captain Yesterday made the first move. Using reinforced rope, he had Beowulfmon tied up in less than a second.

"You think this twine will hold me!?" shouted Beowulfmon. He effortlessly broke the ropes that bound him, but it was in vain. Clobberella used the split-second distraction as her chance to leap up to Beowulfmon's face. Using all of her strength, she unleashed her mightiest punch into the dead center of Beowulfmon's forehead. Beowulfmon staggered before falling over. His body turned black and his fractal code appeared, along with his two spirits.

Meanwhile, Bowser had charged forward, Aldamon's Atomic Inferno bouncing off his hard shell. He grabbed Aldamon around the waist and heaved him over his shoulder. Aldamon hit the ground with a great thud. He struggled to climb to his feet, but Bowser leapt above him and slammed right into his back. Aldamon let out a cry of pain, then faded to black alongside Beowulfmon.

For a moment, all was still. Then, the shadows of Beowulfmon and Aldamon changed back into Koji and Takuya. Climbing to their feet, they glared at their adversaries, but remained silent. They reached into their pockets and pulled out a Deku Nut, which they promptly used to make a hasty getaway.

Bowser trudged over to Link and Ivan, who had climbed to their feet during the scuffle. "Well, there you go Elf-boy," he growled. "Don't thank me or anything. You know, I just did your work for you, nothing major."

"Thank you, Bowser," replied Link, ignoring the sarcasm. "And you three as well," he added.

"All in a day's work for the New Justice Team!" declared Clobberella.

"What I don't get is how these two _humans_ are supposed to beat this big baddie if they can't handle those two digi-weaklings," muttered SuperKing.

"Bender, shush," whispered Captain Yesterday.

"No, he's right," said Ivan softly. "We don't have what it takes."

"I'm with shorty, you should just let me take care of it!" exclaimed Bowser. "I'll Bowserize that long-haired freak!"

"Now knock that off!" ordered Link. "We're still tired from our trip through the Water Temple. We need a good-night's sleep, and then we'll be as good as new!"

"If you say so," agreed Ivan, but his voice was without heart.

"Anyway, how are you guys still here?" asked Navi. "We knocked the three of you into lava seven years ago."

"We're superheroes, we're immune to lava," answered Clobberella.

"That would do it, wouldn't it?" mused Navi. "How about you Bowser?"

"Oh, like you have to ask?" sneered Bowser. "You never finished me, Shorty here just doused my fire power and I was trapped. I retreated to wait for my next chance. Of course, that was before Mr. Big & Bad showed up. You two losers can wait 'til I deal with him."

"In any case," interjected Link. "I'm going to ask all four of you to guard this region. You've proven yourselves able and Sephiroth has proven a cunning adversary. He'll probably launch another attack, and we might not be able to intercept them next time, full strength or no."

"Hrmph!" snorted Bowser. "Like I'm going to sit here and wait for some losers to show up? No way! I'm going straight to that castle to show Sephiroth who the real king of evil is!"

"Good riddance!" declared SuperKing. "You'd only get in our way!"

"Say what?" roared Bowser. "You're lucky I don't turn you into scrap metal! I could beat out any intruders single handed!"

"No way," said a smug Captain Yesterday. "We'll beat way more bad guys than you!"

"We'll just see about that!" replied Bowser. "I'm going to make mincemeat out of these losers so fast you guys won't have time to whine about it!"

"Bite my shiny metal ass!" exclaimed SuperKing.

"Case in point," concluded Bowser, oblivious to the flaws in his theory.

"Now that we have that settled," began Clobberella. "We can begin forming strategies for…"

"Hey, SuperKing," interrupted Link. "How far can those arms of yours stretch?"

"Farther than your puny human arms," answered SuperKing.

"Do you think you can reach that thing up there?" asked Link, pointing up at the Heart Piece perched on a rock.

"No problem! Just watch the master at work." SuperKing lifted his arms and extended them until his metallic fingers clasped around the jewel. After retracting his arms, he tossed the Heart Piece at Link's feet. "There you go. Just a little reminder of how great we robots are."

"You're too kind," replied Link, scooping up the Heart Piece (2nd).

"Can we go now?" whined Ivan. "There's a bed in Kakariko with my name on it."

Link smiled. "Sure thing. I even know a short cut, but we'll have to go through Goron City."

"Whatever," replied Ivan weakly. He allowed Link to help him across the pit with the Longshot, then slowly followed into the dark cave.

-

I know you guys deserve more for this long wait. But I had trouble writing this chapter for some reason. Truth be told, the chapter was supposed to go on longer, but I decided to break it up into two shorter chapters. I should have the next one up soon.

B.B.: I hope so. This chapter didn't really do anything.

Ght. Flx.: Fo'shizzle yo!

Hey, I thought you guys were on my side! You're right though. This chapter was spawned to cover an oversight I made during chapter 17. But the introduction of Koji is important, so keep him in mind.

All right, it's now time for another edition of…

**Ask Floating Skull!**

**Darkcomet writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Sorry my soul has been claimed for devour by Al Gore...if you can beat him then you can have it._

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull does not feel that dignifies a response. As if puny mortal Al Gore could possibly be a match for Floating Skull.

**Celedeen Takarona writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you're a floating skull, does that mean at one point, you were a floating head? like, Robert Mitchum from "The Cloak"?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull believes this has already been covered. Floating Skull was always a Skull, as were his brethren. To imply otherwise is a great insult to Floating Skull!

**The following has somehow come to be misplaced in Floating Skull's mailbox:**

_Dear Big-Me:  
I have kidnapped your precious Zelda! Return my boomerang by sundown or you'll never see her again!  
Sincerely, Young Link._

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull will devour all Links as well as puny Princess Zelda!!!!

**Azure's Jester writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Are you for hire?_

Flt. Sk.: Depends on the price.

**Link-the-hylian writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If I gave you five bucks, would you eat one of my teacher's soul? How about ten bucks?_

Flt. Sk.: Make it fifty and you have a deal with Floating Skull.

Floating Skull is not endorsed or supported by DragonRaiderX9

**The Digital Dimension writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What happens to all the souls you eat? Let alone all the chocolate. Also, have you ever seen The Patriot? Mel Gibson rocks there, don't he?_

Flt. Sk.: They become floating poop. And yes, puny mortal Mel Gibson does indeed rock, at least as much as any mortal can.

Alright, that's it! See you all in a little bit, in the next exciting chapter of Cameos of Time. Next time, terror is unleashed in Kakariko. Until then.

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	23. The Demon Awakened

Alright, time to get the last chapter of '07 done! I had hoped to do more this year, but with that three month break between Water Temple chapters, well, it just didn't work out. But I am disappointed with you reviewers, only seven reviews on the last chapter.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has devoured 18 souls who hadn't placed a review! Floating Skull is so satisfied that he doesn't even feel like criticizing puny mortal author.

B.B.: Hey Floating Skull! You ever notice that your dialogue style is sometimes inconsistent?

Ght. Flx.: Yo! Yous been trippen' up yo' rap!

Flt. Sk.: SILENCE! Floating Skull refuses to be goaded my muses less powerful than himself!

Ignoring him, I'd like to remind you readers that last year, I posted a Cameos Christmas Special. If you haven't read it, or you have and really enjoyed it, then now's a good time to look through it. And be sure to leave a nice review.

In any case, I hope you readers are on a FMA trip right now, cause the Elrics are back after five chapters to do some damage!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Hyrule Field**

Link and Ivan climbed ashore from the raging Zora's River. "See, here we are at the steps of Kakariko," said Link.

"I have to hand it to you," agreed Ivan. "Using the shortcuts to go from Goron City to the Lost Woods to the Zora's River was genius, if a little uncomfortable. But couldn't we have just used the Prelude of Light?"

Link cursed. "Forgot I had that. Oh well, we're here, might as well make the best of it."

The two promptly set about trying to dry themselves as best they could. The sun hung low in the sky, and Navi had already fallen asleep under Link's hat.

"She's got the right idea," commented Ivan, once they were ready to depart. "We've done way too much today and I need sleep."

"Don't worry," chuckled Link. "Some nice, soft beds await us at the top of these stairs. Although…" he trailed off.

"What?" inquired Ivan.

Link grimaced. "It's nothing, just…I feel as if I've forgotten something. Something important about Kakariko Village."

"Well, remember it in the morning," replied Ivan, stifling a yawn. "It can wait."

Link nodded, and the two set up the stairs into the village. What they hadn't noticed, however, was the cloud of smoke billowing upward into the sky above Kakariko.

**Kakariko Village**

Link had barely scaled the steps when he sensed something was wrong. "Ivan, be on your guard." Ivan growled in annoyance, but nodded.

Passing the gates of Kakariko, Link saw a blue figure flying towards him. Reacting with years of honed instincts, he caught the man without recoiling in the slightest. Laying him down, he gasped in recognition. "Sheik! What on…?" Link trailed off as his mind sent him a sharp knock to remind him of what he had forgotten. "We just beat the Water Temple. That means…"

"The demon has been released," groaned Sheik, before falling unconscious.

Assured that his friend would be okay, Link looked ahead to the well, where he saw the Elric brothers squaring off against an unnamed man. This man was even in height with Ivan, but that's where the similarities ended. He wore the clothes of a martial artist, all black. But in his hands sat a sinister sword, unspectacular in design, yet seething with malcontent. His hair was tall and pointed; black with a tuft of white in the center. A white headband adorned his forehead, but the rest of his face bore a distinct maliciousness.

"See how easily I defeated your leader," stated the man. "Do you think the two of you stand a chance?"

"Do you think we'll just lay down and let you win?" retorted Edward. A soft _clap_ was heard as he swiftly pressed his hands against each other. Then, with a practiced motion, he slid his left hand over his metallic right arm. As the hand passed, a metal blade slid up out of the arm.

"Heh," sneered the man. "That won't work on me twice. I understand your little trick. You alchemists use alchemy to change an object into another object, or modify it into another form." At this, the man stared pointedly at Ed's blade. "You call this process 'transmutation'. However, most people need to use Transmutation Circles to perform alchemy." His gaze shifted to Alphonse. "I noticed last time that your brother is no exception. But you achieve the same result by circulating your energy via a clap of your hands. It was that element of surprise that allowed you to defeat me last time. But be warned: I do not make the same mistake twice."

"So you're a little smarter, big deal," responded Ed. But his face did not the mirror the confidence implied by his words.

"I'm going to warn you once," warned Al, his voice calm yet intense. "Leave now, or we're going to have to kill you."

"Oh, really?" The man's sneer grew larger. "This I have to see."

Ed charged at the man, swinging his blade in a wide arc. The man parried effortlessly, and grabbed Ed's shirt with his free hand. The man then chucked Ed over his shoulder and into the well. Ed, relying on his trained reflexes, grabbed onto the inside edge of the well before plummeting into its dank depths.

Meanwhile, the man reached over his shoulder and grabbed the outstretched fist of Alphonse, who had tried sneaking around for a back attack. Without moving his legs, the man swung Al around and threw him sideways at the foundation of the potion shop.

"Who is that guy?" asked Link as he and Ivan rushed to aid their friends. They had taken time to move Sheik to an unobtrusive spot, thus causing their delay.

"He's a demon named Hiei," answered Ivan. "He's from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho. He has a third eye underneath that head band. Don't give him time to tap into it!"

Link nodded, not wasting time to ask exactly what was meant by that last statement. He stormed up the stairs, his sword and shield already in hand. Hiei saw him at once, and raced to greet him with a blow from his sword.

"_I'm still worn out. I can't afford to waste movement,_" thought Link to himself. He planted his feet and waited, poised for defense.

Hiei brought his sword down hard; it took all of Link's effort to keep Hiei's blade at bay. Seeing Ivan with his staff in hand, Hiei forced Link to stumble backward. He then ducked down and performed a sweeping kick to knock the now in range Ivan off his feet. Ivan groaned and attempted to climb to his feet, but a swift kick to the gut from Hiei forced him to black out.

Meanwhile, Link had regained his balance and shifted to an offensive position. Their swords clashed and an intense duel began. The blades met only for a fraction of a second each time, but with each blow Link felt his reflexes become more sluggish. Hiei was steadily gaining ground. His progress was halted once, as Ed and Al had recovered and renewed their assault. Unfortunately, the effect the two alchemists had was minimal as they were knocked to the side. After only half a minute of exchanging blows, the Master Sword was thrust from Link's hand. Utilizing another sweeping kick, Hiei had Link on his back in seconds.

Hiei placed the tip of his blade at Link's throat. "So this is the legendary Hero of Time? I was expecting more after the way these bumpkins placed all their faith in you." Link glared at the demon but remained silent. Ed and Al had once more climbed to their feet, but they stood motionless, not wanting to prompt Hiei to eliminate Link. "Yes, all they talked about how you were going to save them all. But I suppose I shouldn't have counted on idiots for information. You're not half the warrior I expected you to be. Good bye, Hero of Time."

Hiei made to perform the coup de grace, but before steel met skin, a shot rang out across the village. A split second later, Hiei's sword went flying and he was clutching his right hand in pain.

Wasting no time, Link leapt to his feet and made for the Master Sword. Armed once more, Link sought the source of his rescue. Over by the entrance to the Graveyard stood Jet with his ARM smoking from the shot just fired. By his side stood Yangus.

"Sorry we're late!" called Jet. "Some lesser demons showed up and kept us occupied."

"No problem!" replied Link. "Just glad you're here."

"Cor blimey!" moaned Yangus. "You'd think a dead bloke would get more rest than this."

"Shut it!" ordered Jet.

Meanwhile, Hiei recovered his own sword. Holding it in his left hand, he considered the situation aloud. "So, it's me against the hero, two alchemists, a gunner, and a muscle-bound fool. I would've made short work of them all had I had time to recover from my imprisonment. As it stands, my only real concerns are the alchemists, as the others entered this fight below their full strength." Hiei smirked. "This will be a close match, but I will win in the end. It might even be fun."

"Don't listen to him," said Ed. "He's just trying to psyche us out!"

"That may be," replied Yangus. "But I learned something from our last scuffle."

"Oh?" said Hiei in mock-interest.

"Sometimes a man has to know when he's outmatched," continued Yangus. "And when that time comes, there's no shame in asking for help. Now is that time."

"You've got someone in mind?" asked Jet.

"You betcha'." Yangus took a deep breath, before bellowing, "GRAN-DAD!" The word 'gran-dad' echoed throughout the village, the force of Yangus's call evident.

**Hyrule Field**

"Keep up now," called King Trode, ruler of the kingdom of Trodain in DragonQuest XIII. "We'll arrive at our base shortly."

"I hope so, my feet are killing me," replied Caleb.

"Hmph!" snorted Protoman. "I don't see why the author thought you would be of any use to the Rebellion."

"Oh yeah?" came Caleb's response. "Back on Meridian, I led a rebellion against the evil Prince Phobos. What have you done?"

"I'm Protoman. What haven't I done?"

"That's enough you two," admonished King Trode. Don't forget that you need Sheik's say so before you can join proper."

"GRAND-DAD!"

Protoman had opened his mouth to say something, but it was overtaken by the call. "Oh dear!" cried King Trode. "You two wait here, I'm needed!" And with that, he rushed off towards Kakariko Village.

**Kakariko Village**

"Heh heh heh," sniggered Hiei. "To think, I was actually a little concerned. Reinforcements now could tip the scales. But your grandfather? That's pathetic, even by your standards."

"Oh, he's not my real gran-dad," replied Yangus. "He's just this old codger that's really good in a pinch."

"_I hope he's as good as Yangus says he is, cause…_" Link's thoughts were interrupted by a rumbling coming from the entrance to the village. He saw the faces of his comrades widen with astonishment. He looked behind him and gasped.

Stampeding through the gates came a band of old geezers led by King Trode, a short green man, almost like a troll. Recovering from shock, Link quickly dashed past Hiei, who had just turned around, and ducked behind the building.

"What is this?" demanded Hiei. "Do you think this gathering of nursing home rejects can stop me?!" Roaring, Hiei sprinted towards his new opponents.

With a single stroke, Hiei dispatched at least a dozen of his elderly adversaries, but in the time it took to make a second swing, the old men broke through his defenses. Hiei felt himself be kicked, punched, slammed, and hit by at least three canes. Still, he fought back, and within ten seconds and a flash of glorious light, he had defeated all but King Trode. But his excursion came not without penalty. Hiei now had bruises that had been absent before, and was breathing significantly more heavily than before.

"So that's it then," said Hiei. "An army of old men tipped the aforementioned scales. Even if Link stays out of the fight, I'm not strong enough to win." He turned to face Ed and the others, who now looked considerably more confident. "Our fight ends here. If you want to fight me so badly, come to the Shadow Temple. I'll be waiting."

Having said his speech, Hiei leapt onto one of the nearby houses. Bounding from roof to roof, he leapt to the plateau by the windmill and beyond, into the Graveyard.

While the others made to follow, Link felt his body slump against the archery building. This last battle had sapped what little strength he had left. He soon saw nothing but the black oblivion of his mind.

-

Don't you hate chapters that end with the main character blacking out?

Flt. Sk: Floating Skull hates all chapters of all stories! Even the so-called 'horror' genre fails to please Floating Skull!

B.B.: Dude! How are Link and the guys gonna beat Hiei? I gotta know!

Ght. Flx: I'd kopizzle the demon yizzle and sizzle his wizzle!

B.B.: You sure? I think he might be stronger than you, even.

This chapter was never meant to be long, just significant. I hope I made Hiei menacing enough.

Anyway, time to end this short chapter with a little…

**Ask Floating Skull**

**The Digital Dimension writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Do I phail? (_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull refuses to answer this question, if it can be considered that utilizing a nonexistent word!

**Azure's Jester (formerly known as Sunrise of the Phoenix) writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Have you ever tried to devour Elmo's soul? And if you haven't, how much do i have to pay you to devour it?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull assures puny mortal jester that the attempt was made. However, it seemed as if mortal Elmo and his companions lacked souls.

It should also be noted that the Muppets don't have souls either. I mean, I always suspected Sesame Street, but the Muppets always seemed alright. Oh well…

**Lord Jupi writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Do you consider yourself the most powerful being in the universe? Or is there someone you think is greater (or just highly respect)?_

Flt. Sk.: It is the policy of Skulls to never admit inferiority unless conquered in combat. This has only occurred once to Floating Skull, and it did not count because puny author DRX9 had a hand in it. But Floating Skull respects his brethren, even if Floating Skull is superior to them all.

**Diminia writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
You always talk in 3rd person, it reminds me of Zim, an alien from a planet called Irk... anyway, You also remind me of Arthas, A deathknight and ruler of the undead armies of Azeroth, and You, being a demon, have you ever heard of the Burning Legon? You might like to devour evil demon souls, but that's just me 66"_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull will answer the only part of that rambling that was actually a question. Floating Skull has not heard of the Burning Legon. Nor the Burning Legion, if that is what you meant.

And lastly,

**Avar (Diminia's muse) writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
It's my brother's job for screwing around with other peoples souls, he's the grim reaper._

Flt. Sk.: Than you had better hope he is the first to reach yours. _Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

That's it! Not a lot this time, but next chapter will be big. Ivan will take center stage in an attempt to prove his worth to the world. Until then!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	24. The Magicians' Duel

Time to continue with the Shadow Region of Hyrule. Link and Ivan will finally go back to the past so as to claim the Lens of Truth.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has no need for additional lenses to see the truth. Floating Skull sees all!

B.B.: I'd love the Lens of Truth. I'm always walking into invisible walls.

Ght. Flx.: Fo' shizzle yo!

Yes. Now, let us continue onwards in today's Cameos of Time!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_

-

**Kakariko Village**

When Link awoke, he had little memory of what had transpired. This blissful ignorance was soon shattered by recollections of yesterday's defeat. Looking around, he found himself, not in the Elric's house, but in the home of the kind lady who aided refugees. In years past, the carpenters would spend their nights here after a long day of work. Against the wall were three beds. Link lay in the center one. To his sides lay the still sleeping figure of Ivan. The other bed was empty, but showed signs of recent use. Link could only assume that Sheik was the third occupant.

Within the next hour, Link's friend had awakened and they bid thanks and farewell to their caretaker. They remained silent as they walked to the Elric's home. When they arrived, they found the Elric brothers seated at the table, alongside Sheik, Jet, Yangus, and King Trode.

"Ah, you're here at last," welcomed King Trode. "You took some nasty bumps, but you seem in fine health." The three nodded, then took seats at the central table. "Which leaves one question: what will you do now?"

"It seems you've been left out of the loop, Trode," replied Sheik. "Link's course of action is already clear."

"While Ivan's Reveal is useful," elaborated Link. "I have no doubt that the Lens of Truth will make the Shadow Temple an easier endeavor."

Ivan looked down. In truth, he saw the wisdom in Link's words. But he couldn't help feeling that he was quickly being replaced by Link's ever increasing arsenal.

"But why should you be concerned with that?" continued Link, oblivious to Ivan's musings. "With all due respect, of course."

King Trode's expression quickly turned to that of annoyance, but fortunately, Sheik was first to answer. "As you know, I am the leader of the Rebellion against Sephiroth. Trode here is my strategic advisor. Many battles have been won thanks to his tactics."

"And I'll thank you not to forget it!" exclaimed King Trode. "Just because my guise isn't the handsomest in the world, shouldn't lessen your respect of me!"

"Hasn't been five minutes and the old geezer's already at it," muttered Edward and Jet in unison.

"What was that?!" roared the minuscule monarch. "If that's your attitude, than maybe I shouldn't help you lot out at all!"

"Easy, gran-dad," said Yangus in a placating manner.

"I am _not_ your gran-dad!" bellowed the now ranting King Trode.

"Please, your majesty," pleaded Alphonse. "We're all just a little on edge with Hiei on the loose."

These words seemed to hit home. "Well, I suppose we are in a rough patch. Very well, I forgive you all for your insolence," concluded King Trode. Jet opened his mouth to retort, but a look from Sheik silenced him.

"Now then," said Sheik. "We know what Link and Ivan will be doing. Jet, I want you to enter the Shadow Temple. See what you can find out."

"Whatever," replied Jet with a shrug.

"Alphonse, Yangus," continued the rebellion leader. "I want you two to stay on patrol here in the village. I've been told that lesser demons occupied the Graveyard yesterday. Should they return, see that no harm comes to the villagers."

"No problem," answered Al.

"Sure thin', guv!," replied Yangus.

"Edward, I want you to accompany Trode and myself back to headquarters. We have some new recruits that I'd like you to assess."

"New guys, huh?" responded Ed. "Sounds like fun. Trode, what do you think of them?"

"That's _King_Trode to you!" exclaimed the royal in question. Calming down, he answered the question. "They don't seem to enjoy one another's company. But they're able bodied warriors, and I think they could work well together, given time."

Sheik nodded. "All right, does anyone have any questions about their orders?" No one answered. "Very well, get to it!"

Those assembled rose and went to their assigned tasks. Sheik paused long enough to teach Link the Nocturne of Shadow, before leaving with Ed and King Trode.

**Temple of Time**

Link and Ivan warped to the Master Sword's former resting place and prepared themselves for what was to come.

"Time travel, huh? Sounds freaky," commented Ivan.

"You doing okay, Ivan?" asked Link, face filled with concern.

"Yeah," Ivan answered, a little too quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"You took a lot of hits yesterday," explained Link. "I don't know exactly what happened while you were in that pocket dimension, but you've been out of it ever since."

Ivan looked for a moment as if he was going to explain just what he'd been through, but instead he replied, "It's nothing, really. I'm just a little tired, that's all. Don't worry about me. What about you? You haven't complained about anything since I woke up, and that's not like you."

"You know, I didn't always complain out in my real life," replied Link dryly.

What neither one was saying, however, was that they were both shaken by this turn of events. Link, while being fully aware of the situation, never doubted that their quest would end successfully. But with two defeats in succession, suddenly the light at the end of the tunnel had dimmed to a faint glimmer. While listening to Sheik give orders to the group, he realized like never before the dire seriousness of the threat.

Ivan, on the other hand, felt a more personal blow. A swift defeat by Hiei only served to increase his self-doubt. As Link grew stronger and stronger, he saw his Psynergy as being less and less useful. He felt that soon he wouldn't be needed at all.

Navi, who had been resting on Link's shoulder, observed her comrades with interest. But instead of commenting, she contented herself to wonder about the male gender as Link placed the Master Sword in the Pedestal of Time.

**Kakariko Village**

Young Link and Ivan walked into the now cloud-free village. They had made a brief side trip to Death Mountain Crater to plant a bean and kill a Gold Skulltula. Also, they stopped by Zora's River so Link could earn two Heart Pieces from the river frogs.

_Link's Health:_

_xxxxxxxxxx  
xxxxxxx_

"Hey, guys!" came a familiar voice. Link turned to see the past Alphonse approach them. "What brings you back here? I thought you had all the Spiritual Stones."

"Side-quest," replied Link, thinking quickly. "There's a neat treasure beneath the well and I don't plan on adventuring without it."

"Oh, and watch out for Seph…oomph!" Ivan's speech was abruptly halted by Link's elbow to his gut. "I mean, watch out for, uh, chicken pox!"

"Chicken pox?" repeated Al, as Link was mentally slapping his forehead.

"Uh…yeah! Can't be too careful around those chickens, you know," replied Ivan nervously.

"But…chicken pox doesn't come from chickens," said Al slowly.

"Oh, well, then I guess you've got nothing to worry about." Ivan was sweating by this point.

"I…see." Al gave Ivan a funny look, but decided it wasn't worth looking into. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to head into the Market to get more food for my cuccos." Al lifted a hand in a light-hearted wave.

"Yeah, see you around." Link returned the wave before turning to glare upon his companion. "Chicken pox?"

"Like you could come up with anything better off the top of your head!" accused Ivan.

"Sure, I would've said there was a nasty bout of syphilis going around," answered Link with a shrug.

**Bottom of the Well**

"So," began Ivan. "Why can't we tell Al and them about what will happen during the next seven years?"

"Experience," answered Link. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you should never mess with the Time-Space Continuum."

"But what about the Song of Storms?" countered Navi. "That thing pretty much pops into existence from out of nowhere. You teach it to the windmill guy, and he teaches it to you seven years later. Where does it come from?"

"Yeah, that sounds like messing with the Continuum to me," agreed Ivan.

"Maybe, but it's canon, so just go with it," said Link with a shrug. "Now, whoever's guarding the Lens of Truth will probably be strong. So let's take out the Gold Skulltulas first. Normally, I wouldn't try it, but with your Reveal, it should be a piece of cake."

"Why?" asked Navi.

"Pardon?" replied Link.

"Why do you want the Tokens so badly?" elaborated Navi. "It's not like we need them anymore."

"True, but it gives me a sense of completion," responded Link. "I hate leaving things undone, you know? Shoot!" he exclaimed. "That reminds me, I need to get the Heart Piece from the House of Skulltula. Someone remind me again after we leave the Well."

"_Look at him,_" thought Ivan as he followed Link around the Well. "_He's so sure of everything he's doing. He knows exactly where to go and exactly how to get through any situation. But what about me? What would I do now, were I alone? I would stumble around the darkness, hoping for some light. Those zombies would be enough to defeat me, with their paralysis powers._" He watched as Link quickly disposed of three ReDeads. "_That's it. I have to know. Whatever my fate may be, I must know what my place in this journey is!_"

In less than a half-hour, Link and co. had arrived at the treasure room. "Everyone ready?" asked Link to his comrades. Navi and Ivan nodded, though the latter more slowly. "Let's go, then."

Upon entering the room, Link was surprised to see his adversary standing in the center, waiting for him. The man exuded a darkness even more enveloping than the surroundings. He wore dark, purple clothing, adorned by a purple cape whose inside was blood-red. His face was pale; his nose and ears were pointed. His white hair came down past his shoulders. But his most prominent features were his eyes, which pierced Link's party with no signs of mercy. In his hand was large, sinister scythe, which he held upright like a cane.

"So," began the man. "You've come at last. Sephiroth predicted that you would someday come here, Hero of Time. I had no idea that it would be so soon after the start of your quest."

"The mighty magician Magus, from Chrono Trigger," mused Link. "I should've known you'd show up eventually. But I thought you turned good late in the game."

"Yes, I did," answered Magus. Pausing, he allowed his stoic expression to turn into a sinister sneer. "But being evil is just so much more gratifying. You should have seen it, those pitiful fools running from my ancient magic. Before that game, I never knew how fear could be generated so easily. Humans...not only do they fear the unknown, but they fear what has already occurred."

"See, this is why I hate evil wizards," muttered Navi. "They can't ever just fight, they have to bore you to death with a speech on how they're so much better than everyone else."

"I'm with her," said Link aloud. "If you're through, then let's dance!"

"It will be my pleasure," replied Magus, who now gripped his scythe with both hands, ready for eminent combat.

Though they started to charge one another, they were abruptly halted by a shout of "Stop!". The two warriors turned towards the source of the cry, which was none other than Ivan.

"Link, please," pleaded Ivan. "Let me fight him!"

"Say what?!" exclaimed Link. "Look, Ivan, this guy's no pushover. It'll probably take both of us to beat him."

"Will it?" spat Ivan. "After all the fights we've been through, you're definitely strong enough to take him. But…" He paused, working up his courage for what he was about to say. "…I need to know that I am, too."

Link said nothing for a moment, while Magus looked on, waiting to identify his opponent. "You're sure?" Link said at last.

"I've never been more sure in my life," replied Ivan softly. In his mind, he saw images of Isaac burned by Agatio as Ivan lay defeated. "Come what may, I need to know. Worst case scenario, you fight a weakened opponent and go on without me. Should that be the case, than so be it!"

"Alright, then." Link sheathed his Kokiri Sword and somberly walked over to the door. As he passed, he said, "Watch out for his magic. He can use lightening, fire, ice, and shadow."

"Thanks," came Ivan's reply.

"Link!" hissed Navi into his ear. "What do you think you're doing!? What does Ivan think he's doing!? Why are you both being so stupid!?"

"Look," replied Link quietly. "Ivan's had some confidence issues in the past. I don't know what happened in the Water Temple, but ever since he's looked at himself as the weak link. By defeating a powerful opponent, he can prove to himself that he has what it takes to hang with the likes of myself and Sephiroth."

"But he does!" exclaimed Navi. "His magic, or Psynergy, whatever, is incredibly strong. He's been a real asset to this quest!"

"You know that, and I know that," explained Link. "But the one man who needs to know it, doesn't."

"Men!" yelled Navi. She flew under Link's hat and muttered some choice words under her breath.

Meanwhile, Magus was sizing up his newest adversary. "So instead of the great hero, I now face a wannabe wizard. I should be insulted, but you'll be a good chance to warm up before the main event!"

"No," declared Ivan. "I _am_ the main event. Even if I'm not strong enough to win, I refuse to hold anything back!"

"Maybe, but just to be sure." Magus dropped his arms to his sides before raising them up above his head. As he did, a transparent barrier separated the few feet in front of the door from the rest of the room. "That will ensure that you have no unexpected assistance. It also means that the hero will remain untouched until I am ready to fight him.

"If you're done," Ivan cut in.

"Impatient, aren't we? Very well, have at thee!"

**Remnant of the Dark Ages  
MAGUS**

"Burn!" cried Magus as he set a wave of fire across the room. Thinking quickly, Ivan used his Sonic Slash to diffuse a small hole in the flames. Magus quickly ducked to the right, dodging with ease the air blade that was aimed for him. "You'll have to be faster than that, mage!"

"I plan to! Ray!" Ivan pointed his first two fingers on his right hand at Magus as a small bolt of lightening shot from them. Magus made no move to dodge, rather, he blocked and absorbed the bolt with his scythe.

"Weakling! Witness true lightening!" He returned the bolt with twice the force, missing Ivan by a fraction of an inch as he dodged to the left. "It seems fighting from a distance will solve nothing."

Without so much as a warning, Magus shot forward, scythe drawn. In the next instant, Ivan was struggling against Magus's scythe with his staff. They stayed like this for an agonizing moment, before Ivan's staff split in two, allowing Magus's scythe to slash towards Ivan unabated. Ivan, however, had felt his staff shift slightly before it splintered, and used this split-second advantage to duck down and deliver a fist to Magus's gut.

Magus grunted in pain, but seamlessly redirected his efforts to Ivan's new location. As he turned, however, he heard Ivan shout "Cloak!", and saw to his dismay that he was surrounded by nothing but air.

Looking around, he was unable to spot the wind mage. He was about to exclaim his frustration until he felt a swift blow to the back of the head. Roaring, Magus circled around with his scythe, ready to decapitate the mage, but felt a sweeping kick from the side knock him on his back. In the next split-second, Magus saw a devastating pointblank Ray shoot towards his face. Unfortunately, he was able to summon a magical barrier to shield himself.

As the bolt of lightening vanished, Magus dropped the shield and rapidly expanded a wall of darkness from his body in all directions. Ivan was hit and thrown into the side wall with a _thud_. Magus climbed to his feet to finish the job, but Ivan's echoing footprints told him that the mage had moved to a new, unknown location.

"Gee," muttered Link, who was watching closely. "Don't wait until we really need invisibility to use it. It's not like that would've been useful at any other point."

Magus's eyes flashed as he heard this. He leapt into the center of the room and lit the blade of his scythe like a torch. The light from the flame spread to every corner of the room. There was a flash from the back of the room as Ivan flickered back into sight.

"Heh, that was a clever trick," commended Magus. "But your friend unwittingly gave away the secret. You can only become invisible in the shadows, can't you? It would've been worthless up until now, which is why you haven't used it."

"Thanks a lot, Link!" yelled Ivan to his encased friend.

"Sorry! I'll be quiet," Link promised, genuinely upset that he had destroyed his friend's advantage.

Not wasting a second, Magus called forth several large chunks of ice. With a silent command, they all turned their sharpest points towards Ivan. Then the one on the far left flew towards Ivan, followed closely by the second from the right, and they proceeded firing at random.

"_I see,_" thought Ivan. "_He can't have all of them attack at once or they would crash into each other and shatter._" Using his natural agility, Ivan dodged, ducked, and otherwise evaded all of the icy projectiles, save for the final one. "Halt!" he cried. A Psynergetic stopwatch appeared and stopped the ice chunk's movement, suspending it in mid-air. "Carry!" Two ghostly hands shot out and clutched the icy rock. Willing it forward, Ivan had the hands fling the ice back towards Magus. Unfortunately, a wall of fire was able to quickly melt the ice.

"You're a tricky one, I'll grant you that," admitted Magus. "But you're only delaying the inevitable. You're outmatched, and sooner or later, you'll slip, and that is when I shall finish you."

Ignoring the taunt, Ivan raised his hands to the heavens and shouted, "Plasma!" A single bolt of purple lightening slammed into Magus, striking with its full force.

When the attack ended, however, Magus was barely any worse for the wear. "I hope that's not your strongest attack," he taunted. "If it was, then you should just throw in the towel now and retain some dignity for yourself."

Ivan didn't respond. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. "_He's…he's right. Plasma's the strongest Psynergy I know. Sonic Slash was a little stronger, but I need a weapon to use it. This is it, I'm done for. I gave it my all and I still failed. I am not worthy to fight opponents of this caliber. Link…I'm sorry._" He closed his mouth and fell to his knees in a sign of submission.

"Well, well," mused Magus. "This is a shock. Every villain tells the hero to give up, but so few of them actually do. But then, you're not a hero, are you? You're just the bumbling sidekick who got in over his head."

"Ivan!" roared Link. "Get up! Fight! You can still win this!"

"Please!" begged Navi. "Don't give up like this! The Ivan I know would never give in to defeat like this! He'd go down kicking and screaming and doing as much damage as he could!"

"Save your breath," said Magus. "His choice has been made. As for you," he said to Ivan. "I'll see you in the real world, where I shall kill you for real. Consider this a taste of what's to come! Shadow Bomb!" He formed a ball of pure darkness in his hand. Pointing it towards his foe, it shot forward to consume the fallen wind mage.

Ivan saw these events in slow motion. He could only stare as the shadowy orb flew towards him. Resigning himself to his fate, he closed his eyes and waited for oblivion. He was only dimly aware of a loud crashing noise from above him.

But the expected oblivion never came! Instead, he heard a loud noise in front of him, like that of a large amount of energy unleashing itself. Opening his eyes, he saw what might have been the last thing he expected.

"Gust…" the name stumbled out of his mouth as he said it. "Breeze…Zephyr…everyone…"

Floating between himself and the dark wizard were nine small, strange looking creatures. Grey in appearance, but with a purplish tinge, they hovered above the ground with their tiny wings. Their bodies were oblong, and their long feet hung down, waiting for their owners to touch ground. They had little in the way of faces, save for their large, perfectly blue eyes. Their heads came to a point above them. Above them, a large hole in the ceiling was visible. "We're here for you, Master Ivan. The author was finally able to send us."

"_Master?_" thought Link, trying to make sense of the situation before him.

Meanwhile, Magus had registered that his finishing blow had failed to do its job, and he was understandably miffed. "What are these…insects!?"

"Hrmph!" snorted the one in front, known as Kite. "We're not insects, we're Djinn. Jupiter Djinn, to be exact."

"Alright," said Link with a snort. "Care to fill everyone else in on this? I assume this is another Golden Sun thing."

Another one of the Djinn, Gasp, looked at Link. "You assume correctly, boy in green."

"Boy?" replied Link indignantly, before looking at himself. "Oh…right."

"You see, we Djinn," continued Luff. "Have the power to fuse with Adepts and raise their power, speed, and Psynergy."

"Does…does this mean you can restore my power?" asked Ivan slowly, as he rose to his feet.

Squall shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Master Ivan. We can only restore your second level Psynergy."

"There was a reason that the author told us," agreed Gale. "But it was complicated and we didn't really pay attention." The other Djinn nodded in agreement.

"This is all very fascinating," interrupted Magus, who had calmed down. "But if you're going to fight, than do it, or quit wasting my time."

"Glutton for punishment, eh?" remarked Smog. "If you want a beating so bad, then let's go!"

"Wait, there's one more thing," said Zephyr. "We brought your sword, Master Ivan." Flying over to him, the Djinn dropped a rapier by Ivan's feet.

"This…this is," Ivan trailed off.

"We thought you'd like it," said Breeze in a tone that indicated he was smiling.

"My favorite blade," continued Ivan. "The Kikuichimonji!" Stooping down, he gingerly picked up the sword. He swung it around, letting the familiar feel wash over him.

"Ah, the Kikuichimonji," commented Link. "This decade's most overused sword name."

Ivan's eyes shot to Link in a glare. "Thanks a lot, you just ruined the moment."

Link smiled. "I try."

"Besides, he's right," agreed Navi. "I've heard that name a lot lately. Last decade it was all about the Excalibur or the Masamune. Of course, they're still around. Does Golden Sun have those swords, Ivan?"

"No, it doesn't!" retorted Ivan quickly. Then, averting his gaze, "But the sequel, Golden Sun: The Lost Age, does."

"Ha! I knew it!" exclaimed Link. "You should've had them bring the Masamune. Mr. Doom-and-Gloom over here's weak against it." He used his thumb to indicate Magus.

"Really?" asked Gust. "Oops."

"Don't worry about it," interjected Ivan. "Alright, guys, do your thing." The Djinn nodded, before they all began to glow. Within seconds, they had transformed into balls of light, simply hovering where the Djinn once flew. Then, without warning, they shot towards Ivan, each once shooting into his body. Ivan himself began to glow as the power of the Djinn poured into him.

When it was over, Ivan merely stood there. He looked identical to what he had before, but all present could feel the difference. Power, and more importantly, confidence now flowed from him, giving those around him no doubt of his intentions. "I've got what I need. Magus, I may have given up before, but I've changed my mind. This tropical storm's now a hurricane, so I hope you're ready for me!"

At first, Magus didn't comment, he simply stood with his eyes shut. Slowly, his eyelids drew upwards and his calm gaze locked onto Ivan. "Tell me something. Do you know why I let you become more powerful, rather than finishing you off right away?"

Ivan stifled a laugh. "That's easy. You're so confident in your own abilities that you think you can beat me no matter what I do."

"True," agreed Magus. "But I also crave a worthy opponent. Your friend is the Hero of Time, but if you are the one worthy of my skills, then I care not. Titles mean nothing to me, only power and skill. I will show you nothing less than my all, so that even if I fall today, I will have no regrets."

"So all that fear and evil stuff you were spouting off about earlier was a farce," interpreted Ivan. "You are not a tyrant at heart, but rather a warrior."

Magus's mouth twitched upwards into a smirk. "You're half right, mage. Now, enough of this! Give me the battle I hunger for!" Raising his arms, he again called forth the chunks of ice. But these were larger, too large for Ivan's Halt Psynergy to be effective. As before, they flew one by one towards their target.

"With pleasure!" responded Ivan. With the Djinns' power boosting his speed, it was with little effort that he dodged the frozen projectiles. Once again, he found himself facing one final attack, a central one, low the ground and directly between himself and Magus. Building his Psynergy, he pointed his fingers forwards and roared, "Storm Ray!" A bolt of lightening, much larger than before, tore from his fingers and pierced the icy rock, shattering it. But it did not halt there. Before the shards of ice touched the ground, the Psynergetic lightening slammed into Magus, thrusting him into the barrier he created before. As the lightening ceased, clouds of dust had already covered the area.

"_Did I get him?_" wondered Ivan.

The dust cleared to reveal Magus climbing to his feet. Little visible damage could be seen, save for a trickle of blood out of the left side of his mouth. "So," mused Magus as he wiped the blood away. "This is the wrath of an Adept." Before Ivan could respond, Magus summoned a barrage of fireballs to incinerate his foe. While the flames were small, their power would shame even Aldamon.

Rather than flee, however, Ivan stood his ground. Raising his sword in front of him, he called, "Tornado!" In but a second, a massive twister appeared in front of him, blocking and entrapping the fireballs. Ivan quickly willed the fiery tornado forward, but Magus had already begun to run to the side.

Making his way around the room, Magus struck with a fierce melee assault. But Ivan held his ground, blow for blow. They spent the next several minutes engaged in close-range battle. While Ivan's swordplay was nothing compared to Link's, it was enough to combat the dark wizard known more for his magic.

At long last, they broke away from one another. Tired, they both gasped for breath as they stared one another down. "I had wanted to save this for the hero," muttered Magus. "But you have left me no choice!" There was a brief point here where the air went still, and it was as if time itself had come to a halt. But all too quickly, Ivan felt an enormous power building in the room. "This…this is the ultimate power of darkness!" Magus's voice was strained as he struggled to control the raging power. "The Dark Matter!"

At this instant, the power was unleashed and tore into Ivan's body. He was unable to fully comprehend the nature of the attack, nor were Link or Navi. All Ivan knew was that this was more powerful than anything he had faced before.

The attack lasted for twenty agonizing seconds, and Link could only watch and await the outcome. When the Dark Matter finally ended, more dust had been strewn into the air. The first thing visible was Magus, visibly worn from his efforts. "That's it," he stated simply. "It's over."

"You're right," came Ivan's voice from the now clearing dust. "It is over." Ivan, now visible, took heavy damage from the assault, but was still standing. "Though if I hadn't cast Ward to defend myself, I might not be standing right now."

"No…," gasped Magus, eyes trembling in fear. "That's not possible. What kind of demon are you?"

Ivan broke into a smile, burning with confidence. "An incredibly good looking one. Now, you face my strongest power! Feel the wrath of the heavens! Shine Plasma!"

Magus didn't move as three large bolts of purple lightening pumped their electric wrath into him. He didn't scream as he felt mortal damage searing through his entire body. He fell to the ground, only one task left for him to complete.

Ivan relaxed as he saw the magical barrier fall, signaling its master's defeat. To his side, a large treasure chest appeared. Not content to wait for Link, Ivan opened the chest and retrieved the Lens of Truth. It was because of this that he failed to see the Magus's last Shadow Bomb making a beeline for him.

The compressed shadow energy released upon contact, consuming Ivan's body, draining the last of his strength. Lasting for mere seconds, Ivan soon fell to the ground. Looking up, he saw Link running towards him, a horrified expression covering his face. The last thing he heard was Magus's cackle echoing throughout the chamber. The last thing he saw was a flash of light, signifying Magus's true defeat. Then, all was black.

-

See, I did it again. You must really hate me for ending chapters like this. Sorry the chapter took so long, I had serious writer's block on the fight scene. Which brings me to my next point.

Ivan…he's been around since the very beginning. But should he stay? What do you readers think? Ivan's fate may very well hang in the balance, so let your voices be heard.

Now, for today's installment of…

**Ask Floating Skull**

**Diminia writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Are you Undead, or a demon...it's kinda confusing _

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull refuses to be confined by mortal definitions such as demon. Demons pale in comparison to Floating Skull! But Floating Skull is most certainly not undead.

**Darkcomet writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What type of music gets you in the soul devouring mood? You know music that makes you ready to devour souls out of...well wherever it is you devour them from._

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull enjoys heavy metal as well as ragtime.  
He also loves the blues, though he'll never admit it.  
Flt. Sk.: LIES! Silence yourself, puny mortal author!

**Kitsune-dan's muse, Kyuu, writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Kyuu: Hah! What a pathetic excuse for a skull! I would never degrade myself to obeying some stupid author! In fact, I challenge you to a battle, Skull! Loser has to say that the winner is almighty and powerful! What do you say about that?!_

Flt. Sk.: Floating BEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAM! Now you are dead.

**Lord Jupi writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
If you and your brethren have always been skulls, how are you skulls...well...born? o.0'_

B.B.: When a mommy Skull and a daddy Skull love each other very, very much…  
Flt. Sk.: Silence, puny changeling muse! Puny mortal Lord Jupi, you ask a very personal question. Floating Skull refuses to answer!

**Azure's Jester writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Deal or no deal?  
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?  
Who killed JFK?  
Have you ever eaten a soul accidentally?_

Flt. Sk.: 1: Death!  
2: Has not puny mortal Azure's Jester seen the commercials? It takes three!  
3: Floating Skull was in the African nation of Chad at the time. So Floating Skull does not know.  
4: Floating Skull should consume your soul just for having asked a question so moronic! Consider yourself lucky that Floating Skull is unable.

**Childatheart07bob writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
1) What happens if somehow a Floating Skulls' flame goes out?  
2) What colours do the flames come in?  
3) Can you get female Floating Skulls?  
4) What's your favorite sort of chocolate?_

Flt. Sk.: 1: Puny mortal Bob fails to note that Floating Skull is but a name, unique to Floating Skull. Other Skulls exist, but by other names. And our flame can only be extinguished when we are killed. A feat that Floating Skull would not suggest you try.  
2: Floating Skull's flame is red, but they come in all colors.  
3: Indeed. Floating Skull has both a mother as well as a sister.  
4: Floating Skull enjoys milk chocolate. Delicious, and with Vitamin D.

**Dragon-elf writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Have you heard of the Tails Doll curse? Of how if you complete Sonic R 100 Tails Doll with come out of the game and kill you and steal your soul? Do you know if it's true? And if it is, do you feel jealous that more people are afraid of that goofy looking thing than of you?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull has never heard of such a thing. If it is truly feared more than I, it is merely because most that have seen Floating Skull are now dead!

And finally,

**Jack Sparrow303 writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Throughout the long time I have read of your amazing exploits, I have noticed one thing. You detest everything happy and living. This begs the question: other than souls and chocolate, what DO you like? Zombies? Emos? Corn? And another question: on your rank of mortals that you don't hate, where do I fall?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull craves the spread of destruction and chaos! As for you, puny mortal Jack, what makes you think you rank as one of Floating Skull's non-hated mortals?

That's it. Remember, Ivan rests in your hands. What do you think?

B.B.: I hope he's alright. That's a nasty way to go, you know, dude?

Ght.: Fo'shizzle that's not so'kizzle.

Alright! Good-bye and until next time, when Link must tackle the Shadow Temple!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!_


	25. The Infinite Shadow

Hello again

Hey everyone. Remember me? The guy who hasn't updated in half a year? Yeah, you must. But enough beating around the bush…

The main reason this has taken so long is that I lost interest. I genuinely lost interest in typing this. Whenever my interest was restored, I found myself stuck on what to type. So finally, I'm just going to start typing and see what comes of it.

Flt. Sk.: Excellent! The puny mortals shall be so disgusted with this pitiful, delayed chapter that they shall turn away without reviewing. And that is when Floating Skull shall devour their souls!

B.B.: Whazzat? What's goin' on? I just woke up.

Ght. Flx.: Big sizzle's ponizzlin the kizzlin!

B.B.: What?! The author's finally typing again! Awesome!

Yes, well…today, we'll see Link assault the Shadow Temple. We'll also see the return of some characters from previous chapters. So buckle up, 'cause it's time for the triumphant return of Cameos of Time, nearly two years after it started!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulll!!_

-

**Lon Lon Ranch**

"I can't believe this…" said a youth to himself and he entered the ranch. This boy, dressed in black that matched his hair, looked at the surroundings with a glare that was only too accustomed to his face. He might not have looked like much, but his movements spoke of a hidden grace. "All my talents, all my power, and they ordered me to take back the ranch in the name of Master Sephiroth." His brow furrowed as he spoke the name, taking obvious displeasure in referring to him as 'master'. "Just 'cause I lost to that guy and the dragon in the forest…" The boy's monologue ended abruptly as he passed the house. In front of him stood two figures, neither one friendly.

"So, you're finally here," said the one on the right, a figure dressed from head to toe in red and grey. He wore a red helmet with sunglasses attached, and a yellow scarf dangled from his neck. "Sasuke Uchiha, I believe it is…"

The young ninja known as Sasuke shifted slightly, "Who wants to know?"

"He's Protoman," said the other one, a teenage boy dressed in brown clothes that looked like they were from the Middle Ages. He held a double-edged sword in his right hand. "I'm Caleb."

Sasuke smirked. "I'm guessing you two already know what I want. Now what do you want with me?"

Protoman returned the smirk and held up his right hand. In a fluid movement, his hand retracted into his arm, leaving a large hole. Pointing it downwards, he fired a small blast of plasma energy at the ground at Sasuke's feet. Sasuke's eye's flickered towards the scorched grass, but elsewise took no notice of the projectile. "We want to make sure you don't get what you want."

"Is that a fact?" Sasuke assumed a fighting stance. "In that case, I don't think we'll get along too well." Reaching into his holster, Sasuke grabbed several shuriken and lobbed them at Protoman, who nimbly leaped over them.

"You're mine, now!" shouted Caleb, who was running towards Sasuke with his sword over his head. He brought his sword down at Sasuke, only to feel no resistance. Sasuke had vanished!

Before Caleb could react, a ninja dagger known as a kunai was pressed against his throat. "Please…" spat Sasuke into his victim's ear. "Did you really think you could beat me with such predictable movements?" Caleb opened his mouth to respond, when he was again surprised by Sasuke leaping away. Not half a second afterwards, he felt an intense heat fly past his back.

"Look," said Protoman. "I know he's a loser, but I don't feel like dragging his corpse back with me." This remark was met with two glares, but he ignored them both.

"You might be trouble," remarked Sasuke. "Better not take chances. Sharingan!" As he cried this last word, his eyes turned a bright red.

"Forget about him! Worry about me!" roared Caleb as he began a furious assault against Sasuke, who calmly dodged every swing of his sword. After a moment of this, he delivered a swift punch to Caleb's gut, then sent him flying with a kick.

"Heh, your attacks were easy to see before," gloated Sasuke as Caleb spat dirt out of his mouth. "With my Sharingan active, I can see every move you make before you even know you're going to make it. And with your pitiful speed, you don't stand a…" Sasuke's speech was interrupted as Protoman imitated Sasuke's kick and sent him flying._ 'What?!_' thought Sasuke angrily. '_Why didn't I see that coming?''_

As he reached the ground, he pressed against it with his hands and righted himself. He then put his hands together and made several gestures before crying, "Fire Style! Fire Ball Jutsu!" He focused his energy into his lungs while taking a deep breath. He then spat a large blaze directly at Protoman, who didn't even move as the inferno overtook him.

"Protoman!" cried Caleb.

"Forget about him, worry about me," said Sasuke in perfect mockery of Caleb. He began to walk forward when something caught his eye. He ducked backwards just in time to dodge another blast of plasma. Looking back, he saw Protoman, or rather, he saw Protoman's arm extending from behind a large, ovular shield that had been strapped to Protoman's back.

"Like it?" inquired Protoman. "The Protoshield is almost invincible. It would take a lot more than your weak flames to get past it."

Sasuke blanched, then grabbed a kunai from his holster and rushed forward. It seemed a repeat of Sasuke's and Caleb's battle, as Protoman easily dodged Sasuke's strikes. "Darn it!" he exclaimed. "What's wrong with my Sharingan? Why can't I predict your movements?"

Protoman answered by delivering a powerful uppercut, sending Sasuke soaring right into the side of the house. "I don't know exactly how those eyes of yours work, but I get the feeling they only work on other living things. But I'm a robot." Protoman banged his hand against his chest, producing a resounding _clang_. "A living machine, basically. In case you didn't know."

Sasuke climbed to his feet and gritted his teeth. _'Alright, this guy surprised me, but I think I can still take him._' Sasuke's hand reached for his holster, but then suddenly retracted.'_On the other hand, there's no telling what else he can do. I'd better play it safe._' He closed his eyes and reached within. At the same time, he could hear a strange whirring sound coming from Protoman, but he ignored it. A strange mark on his neck started glowing, then began to spread. Patches of black marks raced across his body, his hair turned gray and his very skin began to change form. Sasuke roared as he felt the power overtake his very being.

Or at least, that's what he did at first. His roar quickly changed to one of pain as a very large plasma blast tunneled through his chest. "Yeah, right," said Protoman calmly. "Like I was really going to stand here and watch you transform into something stronger. I don't know what it's like in your world, but things are different here." Abruptly, Sasuke fell silent and collapsed onto the ground. A moment later, he vanished in a flash of light. "Hmm…no corpse," mused Protoman. He glanced at Caleb, who had watched this encounter wordlessly. "I'll keep that in mind next time you get yourself into trouble."

This snapped Caleb out of his reverie. "I didn't need your help, you know," he mumbled. "I had him right where I wanted him."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't where _I _wanted him," responded Protoman. "Just do me a favor a stay out of my way. Now come on, Sheik wants us back at Kakariko." Ignoring Caleb's mutterings, he led the way through Lon Lon Ranch's gates.

**Kakariko Village**

The mood was tense in the home of Jet Enduro as Sheik was hunched over a body on one of the beds. Ivan lay motionless, apart from some light breathing. He had been brought in the day prior, but those assembled had lacked the skills to examine him. At least, not until Sheik had arrived, about half an hour ago.

"He's taken some serious damage," announced Sheik as he stood up from Ivan's prostrate form. "But he'll live."

A collective sigh was released by the group. "How long will it be until he's back on his feet?" asked Link, fully grown once more.

"He needs to rest for a few days before he goes back to any adventuring," replied Sheik solemnly.

"We don't have a few days," retorted Edward. "We have to strike now, on the chance that Hiei's not fully recovered yet."

"I agree," said Link. "I can let Ivan heal afterwards, but I have to take the Shadow Temple now. I'll meet up with Jet on the inside and we'll take it from there."

"I'm coming, too," announced Edward. "I'm not letting this guy get away this time."

"If Ed's going, then I'm going," declared Alphonse.

Link nodded. "Good, I'll need all the help I can get." He turned to face the others. "Sheik, Yangus, I'll need you two to hold things down here."

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" came the royal tone of King Trode. "I will defend this village with my life, if need be!"

"Glad to hear it," replied Link quickly, cutting off Edward, who had been about to make a sardonic comment. "Come on, everyone. Let's go!" He led the way out the door, with his new partners following him.

Sheik sat into a nearby chair and sighed heavily. "_These last few days have been really hectic. I don't think I can last much longer._" After a brief moment along this train of thought, he shook his head violently. "_No! I can't think like that. Too much is riding on us. And besides, Link has it worse. Our whole future rest on his shoulders. Ivan's too, for that matter. I have to stay strong. We all have to stay strong, for their sake…"_

"Oy, Guv!" shouted Yangus, who was standing by a window. "Those two blokes you sent to the ranch are back."

"Good," said Sheik, rising to his feet. "I have a new assignment ready for them."

**Graveyard**

The sun's light had never quite fallen over the final resting place of Kakariko's departed, but now it barely seemed as if the sun had risen at all. Dark clouds blotted out all corners of the sky, and an eternal rain washed over the rotting tombstones. None were there to witness the events of that day. But if they had been, they would have seen a series of dark purple lights falling from the sky and solidifying into three figures up on the cliff above the Royal Tomb.

Silently, one of the figures began descending the stairs that led into the cliff wall, the others following in his wake. As they reached the bottom, the leader motioned for the others to stay back. He walked into the cavern, within which lay a pedestal in the center, surrounded by torches. At the far side was a large, ominous door, with no obvious way to open.

The leader leapt up onto the pedestal, which only reached his hips, and cupped his hands together. A small, bright orb of flame ignited between his hands. Carrying the orb above his left hand, he bent and slammed the orb into the pedestal, causing it to erupt in all directions. The man was not harmed, but all the torches in the room now burnt brightly.

This seemed to be a signal as the monolithic door slowly slid upward into the ceiling. A rush of stale air came from beneath the door as it rose, causing two of the three figures to cover their mouths and cough. The third, however, simply started into the void that seemed to stretch endlessly behind the door. This action did not go unnoticed by the fourth member of the group. A fairy, who so often lay underneath the leader's hat, had witnessed the whole thing with increasing suspicion, but opted not to comment.

As the two adjusted to the air quality, they too gazed into the gaping hole in the wall. Staring into what they knew was a temple entrance seemed to tear down what little optimism they had. But still, they were all accustomed to seemingly hopeless odds. They put their doubts behind them as the entered into the Shadow Temple.

**Shadow Temple**

"So," began Alphonse, in an attempt to break the eerie silence. "How exactly can we see? I mean, wasn't it really dark before?"

"Well, it would be a pretty bad temple if the players couldn't see in front of their faces," commented Link halfheartedly. "Now then, we've reached our first obstacle." The group had turned a corner to find a chasm separating them from the rest of temple, which seemed to consist of nothing but a dead end. "That's a fake wall, so we can walk right through it, and I can hookshot my way across the gap, but what about you two?"

"Leave it to me," replied Edward, rolling up his sleeves. Bending his arms, he gave a soft _clap_ that resonated through the dark hallways. He then bent and slammed his hands to the ground, causing a surge of energy to ignite. As the energy faded, the distinct sound of stone shifting filled their ears as a bridge of stone stretched over the chasm, obstructing it completely.

"That alchemy stuff never fails to amaze me," commented Link. "If not for the Haunted Wasteland, getting the Hover Boots would almost be a waste of time." Link led the group across the new bridge and through the false wall, where a familiar figure stood waiting for them.

"You're late," grunted Jet He glared at the trio while absent-mindedly fingering the ARM that lay in its holster. "Lucky for me that no monsters ever come this way."

"So, what have you found out?" inquired Edward.

"I've found out that this place is dark," replied Jet. "Really dark."

Link and co. shared a glance. "Is that all?" Link prompted.

"Yes, that's all!" retorted Jet irritably. "I can't cross that chasm by myself!" Jet jerked his head at the wide chasm taking up the far half of the room. Only a small hallway adorned the wall beyond. "I could barely make it over the first one. There's a false wall over here that leads further, but to the best of my information, all that's there is the mini-boss room. And I have no intention of fighting your battle for you, Mr. Hero."

Link was taken aback as Jet glared at him, as if blaming him for the entire predicament. But before he could take it in, he felt a cold hand on his shoulder.

"Don't take it personally," whispered Alphonse. "He's always like that."

"But I did get this," Jet continued. He threw a scroll of parchment down by Link's feet. "The map to this damn place. Now, let's go." Jet turned and walked through the other false wall, towards the mini-boss chamber. Link and co. obediently followed.

The rooms ahead were as empty as ever. The walls whispered disturbing secrets to one another, but the heroes brushed past, relying on Link and his Lens of Truth to find the true way. Soon enough, they found themselves in a large, square chamber, much like the one Link encountered Magus in. Standing in the middle of the room was a man whose countenance was strikingly similar to the Dark Wizard's. This gaunt man was bald, slits for nostrils and red eyes whose pupils were vertical. His pale skin stood brightly against the dark backdrop.

"So," he began. "You have finally come. Come to face the wrath of Lord Voldemort."

"Of course…" said Link drolly. "If Dumbledore was light, than it figures that Voldemort would be dark."

"Fools," continued Voldemort. "For seven years, the war has gone on. And yet, what does that Muggle-loving Dumbledore do?" He paused for dramatic effect.

"Muggle?" whispered Edward during the pause.

"Non-magic person," explained Link.

"He hides, like the coward he is, in the…" A soft _click_ interrupted Voldemort. With a nasty glare, Voldemort used his magic wand to deflect the bullet Jet sent barreling towards him. "Hmph! Did you really think your Muggle toy would…?"

"That's about enough outta you," commanded Jet. "I'm sure they'd all love to spend the rest of the day talking about why you're better than Dumbledore, even though you haven't been in the frontlines, either." Voldemort snarled, but jet wasn't finished. "Or why you're only the number two guy in this temple, why you've deigned to work for Sephiroth and under Hiei. But I don't give a crap! As far as I'm concerned, you're just another target."

"For once, I'm with Jet," agreed Edward. Link and Alphonse added their silent consent.

Voldemort, meanwhile, looked like he had been forced to eat a live Tektite. "If that's the way you want it, fine! _Avada Kedav…!_" But Voldemort never finished his spell, as an inexplicable fire consumed him.

"Brother, what's going on?" asked Alphonse over the din of the flame.

"Not sure, but stay on your toes," responded Edward.

"_Aguamenti!_" roared Voldemort. A great blast of water spurted from his wand and quenched the flames. His robe scorched and his face blackened slightly, he turned and stared pointedly upwards. "Who dares attack Lord Voldemort?!"

Link and co. followed Voldemort's gaze. There, beneath the room's high ceiling, was a shadowy figure. It was bulky, and seemed to be a somewhat round shape, but as it was obscured by fire, they couldn't quite make it out. The figure made no attempt to respond to Voldemort.

Voldemort, meanwhile, was quite livid. "Very well. If you shall not answer, than you shall die! _Avada Kedavra!_" A flash of green light emanated from Voldemort's wand, which was now pointed at the figure. A _whoosh_ of air was heard parting as Voldemort's deadly spell was cast towards this mysterious being. And yet…there was no reaction. The parts of Voldemort's face that weren't darkened went even paler, if that was possible. "What…what are you?"

A silence overtook the room, broken only by the cackle of the fires surrounding the being. But Link could swear he heard something else. A sort of…suction, just barely audible above the flames, though it seemed to be growing louder, until the entire room was well aware of it. The source was unmistakably the flaming figure floating above.

"What is it doing?" Link mused aloud.

"Look there!" shouted Edward, pointing at Voldemort, who had begun shaking violently. His wand had fallen from his hand, and his face was contorted with a mixture of pain and terror. His body, strangely enough, was outlined with a white wisp, that seemed to be desperately trying to escape. Voldemort made a loud, gurgled sound, and for an instant, time seemed to stop. Then, the outline shot up, like a sheet being ripped off a bed and sucked unceremoniously into the floating flames. Voldemort himself crumpled onto the ground. Seconds later, he disappeared in a flash.

"Navi," Link whispered as softly as he could. "Is the door still locked?"

Link felt Navi shift on his head as she peered out from under his hat. "Yes," she murmured.

"That must mean that this guy has assumed the role of the mini-boss," added Alphonse, who had heard the exchange.

"Great," moaned Edward. "We go from an evil wizard to a demon who…what did it do again?"

"Going out on a limb, here," replied Jet. "But I think it sucked out the guy's soul." This statement caused a hush to fall over the group as they absorbed this information. All the while, the flaming being above them floated silently.

After what seemed like ages the being spoke. He, for the voice was unmistakably male, spoke in a low, raspy voice that grated against their ears. "I…I am one, who has suffered. Suffered by the hands of you…mortals. This story…this fanfiction…has gone on for seven long years. But because of this simple fact, the world itself is in incredible danger." The being had begun to descend, but very gradually. "I had been recruited by this fiction's author to aid him in setting things right. But to do so goes against my very nature." As it descended, it turned to stare at the spot where Voldemort fell. "The mortal magician that stood here before. His soul was fractured and weak. Devouring it took no effort at all. Yours, on the other hand, might be somewhat of a greater challenge."

"Who are you?" Link demanded. "What are you?"

"What am I?" repeated the demonic being, who features were slowly becoming visible. "I am the being that spreads fear to all of existence. I am one, who would willingly embrace Sephiroth's rule for my own personal gain. I am the last living thing you shall ever gaze upon. I am…" The being was fully visible now. Its eyeless sockets glistened, as if they could still see. "_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!_"

Jet snorted in contempt. "Why do all the demons I meet act like they're the best thing since the invention of money? This guy, Hiei, Siegfried, they're all the same."

"Floating Skull?" asked Navi aloud, not bothering to ask who Siegfried was. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"Well, the thing looks like a Red Bubble, kinda," said Link. "Just bigger." Indeed, the Skull's height was about the same as an average man's.

Ignoring them, Edward stepped forward. "Floating Skull, huh? Well after I'm through with you, you'll be calling yourself Grounded Skull!" Clapping his hands together, he reformed the metal in his right arm to sprout a blade over his hand. He charged forward towards Floating Skull.

"Foolish mortal!" gloated Floating Skull with a cackle. "Do you really think you can fight Floating Skull in single combat!?" The flames around Floating Skull intensified as Edward drew near.

But as Edward moved within five feet of his adversary, he clapped his hands and pressed them into the ground. The ground beneath him shot up in a short, slanted pillar, propelling Edward above his floating foe. Floating Skull followed Edward with his gaze, building energy into his now open mouth. As Edward landed on the far side of Floating Skull and turned to attack, Floating Skull launched a beam of massive flames at Edward. Luckily, Edward managed to drop on his back and squeeze into the narrow room between the floor and the flames. "Now Al!" he roared as the flames started to diminish.

Floating Skull, his attack over, turned to face his other opponents, only to find Alphonse closing what was left of the gap. Alphonse let loose a mighty punch that sent Floating Skull spiraling towards Edward. When he was right above Edward, Ed used his blade to strike the first part of the spiraling Skull that came into range, which happened to be his face. Floating Skull screamed in anguish as he pulled himself to a halt a few feet away. He righted himself, only to have another wound added to his face courtesy of Link's upward slash. He fled upwards, but had not gone far when a barrage of bullets clanged against him.

"Is this it?" sneered Jet. "I think old Moldywart would've been tougher."

"Yeah, sure seems like we got the weakling," agreed Edward.

"Stay on your guard, everyone," warned Alphonse. "He's not done yet."

Indeed, Floating Skull had recovered his balance and situated himself in the center of the spread out heroes. "You pitiful mortals are resourceful, Floating Skull will grant you that. But Floating Skull gains powers from the souls he consumes!" As he said it, Floating Skull began to glow slightly, and the various wounds on his face mended themselves. All but one, that is. The slash mark left by the Master Sword remained where it was.

"A holy wound. He's obviously a Dark creature, so it'd take more power to recover from something like that," mused Navi. Her voiced carried across the room so that all present could hear.

"Holy, huh?" repeated Jet. He raised his hand and called to the heavens, "Spectre!" Instantly, Floating Skull was assaulted by a barrage of projectiles that seemed to be made up of light. They struck from all directions, beating Floating Skull around like a child's toy. But when the light subsided, Floating Skull was no worse for the wear.

His vision was slightly cloudy, but was rapidly returning. "Is that the best that you mortals…" began Floating Skull, but he was interrupted by a cry of "Accelerator!" A blur in front of him disappeared in a flash of blue light. An instant later, another flash emanated from behind him.

Jet grinned as he cocked his ARM, preparing to deliver a point-blank round of bullets into his adversary. But before he could, the fire surrounding Floating Skull seemed to burst, heavily damaging everything within range, which unfortunately included Jet, who was sent flying. His flight was short-lived, however, as Link rushed forward to catch him.

"How foolish you mortals are!" cried Floating Skull with obvious glee. "Floating Skull had underestimated you, and that is the reason your first feeble assault had any effect!"

"We're not effective enough as a group yet," said Navi. "Our teamwork needs…well, some work."

"Teamwork…" muttered Jet bitterly. He spat onto the ground in distaste.

"No, Navi's right," agreed Link. "Once this is over, we need to go over our abilities, so we can plan accordingly. If we were fighting Hiei, we'd already be dead."

Meanwhile, over at the other end of the room, Edward and Alphonse remained ready to attack. "Alright, he healed after our first attack, but he won't be able to do it again without consuming another soul. We've still got a chance," concluded Alphonse.

"Al, are you sure you'll be fine? You know…" Edward's voice trailed off uncertainly.

Alphonse nodded encouragingly. "Don't worry, brother. I'll be alright!"

Edward was unconvinced, but was interrupted as Floating Skull charged forward. Edward ran forward to meet the Skull with a swing of his blade, but Floating Skull flew upwards as a rapid series of gunshots rang out. Acting on instinct, Edward fell to the ground as a group of bullets flew over his head. "Hey!" he roared as he lifted his head. "Watch where you're firing those things!"

"Stay out of my way if you don't want to get hurt!" retorted Jet, who promptly leapt to the side to avoid a fireball from Floating Skull.

"Great, our new partners are dysfunctional," murmured Navi.

"We'll get it together," assured Link. "We have no choice." He turned to face the Drifter. "Hey, Jet! Do that warp thing and get on his other side!"

"Can't," replied Jet. "My Accelerator needs a bit more time to charge." Link started to say something else, but Jet paid him no mind. He kept firing at the weaving Floating Skull, who floated out of range of any of the Elrics' attacks, until a series of clicks gave him an unfortunate message. "Damn! Gotta reload."

Unfortunately, Floating Skull overheard this little comment. With a mighty roar, he hurled a massive fireball towards Jet, who looked up a split-second before being hit. As the flames carried Jet into the wall, his ARM was sent flying. When it landed, Floating Skull set the floor around it on fire. It was now unreachable through normal means. "Damnit!" Jet screamed while Link hurried to help put out the flames. "Why didn't any of you cover me?"

"Like we were supposed to know!" shouted Edward from across the room while dodging a fireball. "Why did you try and reload while you were a sitting duck?"

"Cause I'm used to working with competent people!" retorted Jet, who was now flame free thanks to Link, though a little charred. "Just get my ARM back!"

Edward cursed inwardly, but decided to do as requested. Seeing Link rushing Floating Skull, he gave a soft _clap_, planning to hurl a shower of dirt to smother the flames. But he hadn't counted on Floating Skull ignoring Link and coming for him. Floating Skull rammed into him with ferocious strength. Edward was sent tumbling before collapsing on the ground some feet away. He tried to climb to his feet, but was roughly pulled into the air by some unseen force. But he soon realized that the source of his new-found levitation was Floating Skull, who hovered about a foot away.

"The thing must have telekinesis. Short range, I'll bet," deduced Link, who was still some ways away. "Wait, how can he have mental powers? He didn't look like he had a brain inside of his…"

"Link, focus!" shrieked Navi.

Link took Navi's advice to heart and set all his concentration on the flaming monstrosity before him. But before he reached his floating nemesis, he saw Alphonse taking a flying leap with his fist reared back. It was a foolish move, in retrospect. Perhaps Alphonse thought that putting his body weight behind his punch would allow him to out-power Floating Skull. Whatever the reason, Link winced as bone met steel, the latter being sent tumbling much like his older brother had been. Link was not prepared, however, for what he saw when Alphonse's helmet went flying.

Alphonse's head did not have any describable features. This was due in large part to the fact that Alphonse did not seem to have a head. He had not been decapitated, for the helmet had nothing inside of it. Curiosity overwhelmed Link, causing him to forget that he was in the middle of a battle. He angled around until he could see into the armor's neck. When he did, he let out a gasp that echoed across the chambers, even above the sound of an unarmed Jet trying and failing to rescue Edward.

"Th…th…there's nothing in there!" cried Link stumbling backwards a few steps, trying to keep his balance.

"Geez," replied Navi, who had frozen like everyone else. "I know he said he didn't have clothes in there, but I didn't think he meant it like that."

"No body?" mused Floating Skull, casually spewing flames at Jet. "You are lucky, puny mortal Edward. Floating Skull was going to consume your soul. But Floating Skull has decided to turn his attention towards the bodiless soul instead."

"No!" roared Edward, eyes wide. "Don't you dare lay a finger on my brother!"

Floating Skull's face didn't change, as skulls lack the facial expressions granted to those that bear skin. Yet it seemed as if Floating Skull was grinning broadly. "That, pitiful mortal, is promised." Tossing Edward aside, Floating Skull flew over to Alphonse, who was attempting to climb to his feet. He froze, however, when Floating Skull stopped above him and fixed him with an eerie glare.

Floating Skull opened his mouth and began making the same suction sound as earlier, and Alphonse's armor seemed to glow a pale white. He paused only briefly as Link, Jet, and Edward attempted to rush him all at once. Their effort was in vain as they were all thrown backwards by a burst of flame. Floating Skull promptly returned his attention to the task at hand.

"No, Al!" cried Edward. He attempted to rise, but suddenly fell back over. "Damn! My auto-mail's busted!" He swore loudly, cursing Floating Skull, Hiei, and the scraps of metal that lay by his arm and leg.

"_We've got nothing,_" thought Link as he rose to his feet. "_Ed's down and Jet's unarmed._" Indeed, Jet's ARM was still surrounded by the unnatural fire. The firearm in question wasn't even visible, so retrieving by hookshot, while a viable option, would take too much time. He stared down at his left hand, firm as always as it held the Master Sword. "_There's got to be something I can do…wait, that's it!_"

"Hey, Floating Skull!" called Link aloud. "If you want a soul so badly, why not take mine instead?"

The horrible suction noise abruptly halted, and not a moment too soon. Alphonse's outline had just begun to move away from his armor. "Your soul?" repeated Floating Skull. "Floating Skull professes that he would much rather prefer a strong soul such as yours. But Floating Skull cannot help wondering why. Perhaps you and your mortal friends have somehow concocted a strategy to save this one."

"You have my word, Floating Skull, that no one here shall attack you until after my soul has been devoured," declared Link. He glanced around the room and met the frantic eyes of Edward, who lay collapsed on the ground. He looked again and locked eyes with Jet, who had been trying to figure out how to get his ARM back. They didn't understand, but they nodded.

"Link! Are you crazy?" exclaimed Navi. "If he gets your soul, the fanfiction ends! And the entire world will be…!" She stopped as Link flashed her a triumphant grin. She knew this was a sign that he had something up his sleeve.

"The mortal fairy is correct," agreed Floating Skull. "Would you so willingly sacrifice everything for the sake of this mortal child's soul?"

Link found it strange for Alphonse to be referred to as a child, given his size, but nodded without hesitation. "Do as you will."

At that, Floating Skull laughed. He laughed a loud, ear-splitting laugh that seemed to pierce through the very being of those who heard it. Then, he raced over to where Link was standing, stopping not a foot in front of his face. The flames flickered across Link's face, but not close enough to do any real damage. As the suction started, Link began to lose track of his consciousness. He didn't resist, he just let himself go.

Everyone else in the room stood, transfixed with horror, as Link's soul began leave his body. It inched closer and closer to Floating Skull's open mouth. It couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds, yet time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. Link's soul hadn't even completely left his body before it passed between Floating Skull's rotten teeth.

There was a moment when all sound stopped, and everyone remained frozen in complete silence. The moment was broken as Floating Skull let out a blood-curling screech and began to flail around. As his soul acclimatized itself to being back in his body, Link looked over at Alphonse, who had pulled a piece of chalk from inside a compartment in his armor. Seeing Link nod, Alphonse rushed over to the wall and drew a strange, complex symbol on the wall. It looked, at passing glance like a circle.

Alphonse pressed his hands against the wall around the circle. The circle shone with a bright light, which was followed by a loud rumbling. From out of the stone wall came an arm, a huge, stone arm. Reaching over to the flailing Skull, it grabbed him with one movement and proceeded to slam him against the floor.

Floating Skull was panting by this point. Something about Link's soul had caused him indescribable pain. "No more," his raspy voice declared. "Floating Skull surrenders to you…mighty mortal Link. But tell Floating Skull, why was your soul so painful to touch?"

"You didn't do your homework, Floating Skull," replied Link. "I am the possessor of the Triforce of Courage. It is bound to my very soul. Something like you could never hope to consume something so holy."

There was a long pause. "Then Floating Skull can never defeat you. You…and the other mortals here, have earned Floating Skull's respect. I shall rejoin the author and do what Floating Skull can to aid you." And with that, the demonic Skull vanished with a flash.

"Wait a minute!" cried Navi suddenly. "Now I remember who he is! He's that muse that Ivan's always complaining about!"

"Well, then it's a good thing this isn't still a fanfiction in the normal sense," responded Link drolly. "Readers hate it when authors throw in themselves and their muses and try and pass them off as important, Ivan notwithstanding. But never mind that now." Link turned to face the others. The flames had died when Floating Skull left, so Jet was able to reclaim his ARM. Meanwhile, Alphonse had collected his head and was using alchemy to repair Edward's broken metal limbs. "I think we all need to have a little talk…"

-

There, it's finally done. I think it was pretty good. And yes, Ivan gets to stay. Mind you, the only way I would have gotten rid of him was with an overwhelming negative response. But you all have spoken, and you say you love the little guy! No wonder he has a forum dedicated to him on this site.

Flt. Sk.: …

B.B.: I can't believe you got beat! After all that whining you do about how powerful you are!

Ght. Flx.: Sizzlin' pofizzle got pwned!

Now, before we continue, I feel I have to let you know that **Chapter 14** has been revised somewhat. Parts were written out of ignorance, some out of arrogance. The fight with Ness, in particular, has been changed slightly, to eliminate almost all reference to a previous fic I wrote. And an inconsistency has been fixed. Normally, I hate doing major revisions like this because people don't want to have to go back and read them, but I felt it was necessary in this case.

Now, then. Time for another edition of…

**Ask Floating Skull  
(whether he feels like it or not)**

**Diminia writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I dare you to Find Arthas, the Lich king (Look on teh internet if you want info on him) and try and take his soul, but then again...his sword has sucked out his soul already, but can you do it?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is in no mood to humor puny mortal Diminia. Find him yourself.

**Dragon-elf writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What is your opinion of all those inane daytime soap operas? A lot of them pretty much have them same themes. Don't they seem redundant and boring?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull hates them like he hates you!

B.B.: Then why are you always asking us to tape _The Young and the Restless_?

Flt. Sk.: Silence!

**Kitsune-dan's muse: Kyuu writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Ha! That didn't even tickle, puny Skull! I will never die, I cannot be killed! But you can Stomps on Floating Skull_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull refuses to accept threats from dead people.

**Jack Sparrow303 writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
There are three reasons that I rank among your non-hated mortals.  
1. I give you cookies.  
2. I am me.  
and 3. I give you cookies!  
So, based upon this evidence, am I a non hated mortal?  
P.S. If you say yes, I will compose a short poem about you and post it in the next review._

Flt. Sk: After a day such as this, Floating Skull welcomes the gift of cookies. You are indeed a non-hated mortal. But this does not mean that Floating Skull likes you.

**Vslasher writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I gave my soul to the Orochi from King of Fighters (the strongest character in the game), and now I have his powers. If we were to fight on par and I managed to use his most devastating move "Heavens Bright Light" and his finishing move "Pull in the Foe and rip out its soul" would I win or would it not work? Keep in mind that although Orochi was defeated in the game once, he is immortal and cannot be killed, and he has no soul as he rips out his own heart in one of his intros._

Flt. Sk.: Do not think yourself special just because Floating Skull lost to mortal Link. His power is truly beyond compare. You would most certainly lose.

**Dare Deville writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
Do you like horror movies?_

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is the ultimate horror movie!

**theflailingpen writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
What is your opinion of the souls of band nerds?_

Yes, Floating Skull? What do you think of us band nerds?

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull does not waste his time with such trifles. But if they are like the puny mortal author, then Floating Skull despises them!

**And finally, my good friend broken katana writes:**

_Dear Floating Skull,  
I was just wondering...are you of any help at all as muse?? Or are you here only to eat people's souls and complain about puny mortal author? /_

I ask myself that question everyday.

Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull is here against his will! Why should he assist the puny mortal author!

Didn't you just promise Link that you'd help out?

Flt. Sk.: ……

Well, that's it then. Next time, Link and co. find out the mysterious truth about Alphonse. You know, the thing that everyone who's seen the first episode of Full Metal Alchemist already knows. And then they face Hiei in the bowels of the Shadow Temple. See you then!

_Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!_


End file.
